Anyone else have this problem with hubby?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by roseylisa, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. roseylisa

    roseylisa New Member

    My husband and I got in an arguement. He threw up in my face that I sounded like a broken record everyday about how I was feeling everyday. He even gave examples "today I felt pretty good compared to yesterday!" Today was a bad day with the pain." He then said you sound like a broken record!He then said I hurt to! He told me he was sick and tired of my b----ing! I told him that when he yells at me like that and I get upset and crying which I was it causes me flare ups and I hurt alot more, he then says your always using your illness as an excuse and blaming it on me I'm sick of it! I of course couldn't stop crying! I asked who am I suppose to talk to about how I feel?
    I told him the support group on line I joined they have the same kind of things and most of them say their husbands are the only ones that understand, he said then let them support you! This is not the first time this has happened.I feel so alone with this illness and my kids treat me the same way!
  2. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    My husband gets upset every time he sees that I'm on this network. He has made the comment that I wallow in pain. He says that I must be the most miserable person to get online and come strait to this board.

    He rolls his eyes at me if I ever say something hurts. I try not to complain at all because it bugs him so much if I do.

    I did hear him telling his parents that I have Fibro and I go thru flares and I'm in bed a lot because of it.

    So, In short he admits that it's real but he doesn't want to hear it. I don't have any support either Roseylisa! This board is my biggest support group. My kids do understand that I'm in pain a lot. My three year old will ask "Do you legs hurt mommy?"

    I know how you feel. I will be supportive of you anytime you need it.. I'm not sure if we can give out emails but I'd like to give you mine.
  3. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    My husband is fairly supportive, but he gets noticably irritated if I mention my pain very often or if he sees me wince in pain. He has always done more than his fair share of housework, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. without complaining and sometimes he'll even say, "I know you hurt, why don't you go rest and let me do this." But other times he seems very impatient and if I mention that I hurt, he'll say "Well why don't you just go to bed?" meaning of course, why don't you go in the other room and stop complaining to me!!!

    My husband has minor arthritis in his hands and at times he'll throw that back at me ... "well, I hurt too but you don't hear me whining, do you?" ... but I guess we all get impatient and short-tempered with our loved ones sometimes.

    But I do understand what you're going through, roseylisa, and you have my best wishes and prayers. It's tough enough having this DD but then not having any support at all has got to be awful. I'm so sorry!

    We're here for you!!

    Kat
  4. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    Thank you so much for making my day.. I woke up this morning feeling useless. You know the depression of dealing with pain day after day. Well, You are so sweet to reply and say those things about me. I love this online board because of the emotional support and advice I get.
    Thanks so much,
    Angela
  5. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    I stopped talking about FMS because it seemed like no one really cared about how I felt. Just sort of the old- "well, I hurt, too and you don't see me using it as an excuse" crap. I blew up and told them that not ONE of them has tried to do any research on my DD to try to understand how I feel, or what my limitations are SUPPOSED to be, they just keep on being demanding jerks.

    I guess because I stopped saying anything anything they assumed I was "better". Then they asked why I take drugs all of the time. It's like you can't win. I was working at a very high stress job that brought in lots of $$, but ended up nearly putting me in the hospital. They wanted me to go back!! It's like if they have to take care of me it would kill them, and I really am getting pretty hateful about it. It makes me feel like they only keep me around for my money.

    Anyway, save your breath. Seek some counseling or come here~ you have to learn to live with the fact that in the day to day scheme of things they don't want to hear how you feel. They have told you that to your face. Then, make up some fun responses if they DO ever ask how your day was. Example:

    "If it was any better there would have to be 2 of me!"

    "I'm as happy as a cow with a salt block"

    "Kumbaya!"

    I say and do all sorts of **CRAZY** stuff now, just to keep them off balance. It amuses me, and sort of scares them. You can also freak them out if they play music too loud that bothers you, etc, since we are sensitive. I use phrases like:

    "That makes me want to dig someones eyes out with a knife"

    Well.....you get the idea. Anyway, have some fun!

    Bunny
  6. ang1973

    ang1973 New Member

    I can relate to your dilemma about your hubby. I have been seperated from my husband for about a year and 1/2 now. We are going through a divorce now. I left him because of his alcohol and drug problem though. He had lied to me through our whole marriage. I was diagnosed with crohns about 2-3 yrs ago now. We were suppose to be hunting that weekend and I woke up hemoraging severely. He said he couldn't take me to the hospital because he had promised his father to be out on the farm early. How's that for insensitivity in a husband? That was just the beginning though. I was also told I have Fibromyalgia. I got to the point where I was having flare ups from both diseases and my husband didn't care as long as his supper was made, HIS laundry was done, His needs were met around the clock. I was running myself into the ground taking care of him and our children and he didn't even care. I would have to rely on friends from our community to help me whenever possible. He would tell me that I complain too much and it was all in my head. My pain management specialist, and primary care physician told me to bring him with for appointments so they could help him understand that although I'm the same person as he married, my body is not and that if I continued burning the candle at both ends he would not have a wife. Even still, he did not understand. Before I left him, he fell from a roof and injured himself. He was off of work for almost a year. I took care of him around the clock, even bathed him, shaved him etc. I also worked 2 jobs and took care of 4 children and our home. This is when my health started to decline. And when he was well again, and I became so ill, where was my nurse? I had none. There was no gratitude.
    I think this is common for spouses and friends and other family. I say this because I am on my own now with my 3 daughters ages 3, 9, and 15. I have a select few friends I can count on one hand. And very little family. Most people don't understand. People I used to be friends with say "Your always sick", and they don't want to be around me because I can't do the things they do. I feel very isolated most of the time. So I say to all of you with husbands or spouses that don't understand, you don't have to leave them, cuz I left mine for different reasons. However, you should surround yourself with as many possitive and understanding people as possible. Everyone needs help, and if your spouse isn't willing even though they married you "in sickness and in health", somebody out there will!
    Keep your faith, don't give up.
    Sorry this was so lengthy. It is so good to express myself to people who understand. For that, Thank you!
    [This Message was Edited on 01/04/2006]