Anyone else lose friends?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cory74, Dec 29, 2009.

  1. cory74

    cory74 New Member

    Hello all. I am new to these forums and stuff about Fibro! I am 35 yr old male who has has this most my life.

    But my question is does anyone else have problems keeping good friends? I find myself losing friends fast and almost lost my best friend. Even though it was a fast friendship, she almost dropped me like the others! Am I the only one that has this problem??

    Thank you,
  2. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    you are definiitely not the only one with this problem! i have lost most of my friends, too. some because they did not support me and thought the illness was mostly fake - and i refused to put up with it anymore.....some drifted away because i just coudnt see them or call much .....and some stopped talking to me when i started talking about suicide (those i am the most angry at!)
  3. spacee

    spacee Member

    It is a constant reoccuring theme there. It is the one thing I hold on too when it start to think "it's just me with this problem".

    I just found out today from my twin (we have reconnected with some high school classmates through FB), that they are all emailing about their health issues. No one emails me cause I have nothing in common with them. Can't work, no hobbies to speak of except trying how to get better. There you are.

    They have had some pretty rough illnesses, breast cancer, ulcerative colitis and thyroidectomies but still somehow, not in the loop.

    I feel for us all.


  4. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    I used to have lots of friends and was constantly hosting girl- gatherings and families over for dinner and I went on shopping weekends and spa weekends with my girl friends....

    If I initiate an email or see my best friends on the rare times I leave my house, I feel joyful when I talk with them and they seem genuinely happy to see or visit with me....BUT! they don't call or email is super busy working and raising her 3 kids and all of their activities so I don't feel angry....the other one works part time and has an empty nest....that is the one that hurts the most....she has made it pretty clear that WHEN i feel good enough to go out to lunch, I should call her....

    I KNOW that my friend (with the young kids and full time job and busy hubby)misses me and she will be more available when her life slows down.....

    Everyone else has forgotten about me.....where are the people that I took supper to after they had a baby or a surgery? where are the people whose children I took care of when their husband was in the hospital? or went out of town?

    What kills me, Cory, is that if we had cancer or something more recognizable like MS, people would line up to clean our home or babysit our kids....i have never had one person offer to do anything! Everyone has just forgotten that I am hubby is private about our life, while he is at work, so I wonder if somepeople think we are divorced or if he is single....I wish he would say that I am ill so people would know I am not just lazy or uninterested in attending his work events....

    I think part of people blowing us off is they don't know what is going on with us....

    If one of my friends got sick like this, I would have checked up on them or sent a card every so often.....or tried to organize some ongoing help.....but, people who do know, don't really care....

    sociallizing is too hard anymore anyways, so I don't miss anyone but my best friend.....i just want some peace and quiet in my house....

    I am sorry that you are feeling sad about are not imagining it! People do blow us off!
  5. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Here's a really recent link to a thread that was just on here about the same subject......maybe reading thru it will help reassure you that you are definitely not the only one in the same boat.....unfortunately, the impact on our relationships is one of the hardest things for many of us with this illness

    fortunately, this board can be a great support, but it is certainly not the same as having people there in person
  6. cory74

    cory74 New Member

    ITs sad! :( It feels like im all alone. Not sure if we are spose to or not. But my email is wolf_ic2003 yahoo. I would like to chat with yall bout this, ect!!
  7. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    It doesn't matter how people think we are "supposed" to feel.....most people do not understand this illness, and many of us are alone - that is reality and it IS sad.....hard enough to deal with feeling this way w/o worrying about how we "should" feel......much better (though not necessarily easier) to try to accept how we feel and do whatever we can to try to feel better, to try to seek support, etc.....and you have come to a good place for that

    I will let you know that a lot of people do not feel comfortable putting email addresses on somethign that anyone could access, so you may get someone suggesting that (for your own safety) you remove yours......I did send myself an email with your email address in it, so I can add it to my address book....and I will try to write to you soon (although I am better about checking and writing here than I am emailing, just bc I am limited as to how much time I can spend online, I do like to get and send emails, so like I said, I will try to be in touch soon)

    ETA: Rereading what you wrote, I am not sure if I misinterpreted what you said....were you saying you are not sure if we are supposed to feel bad or not sure about posting emails? (Sorry if I totally responded to the wrong thing.....good old brain fog at work rt now!)
    [This Message was Edited on 12/29/2009]
  8. FMseeker

    FMseeker New Member

    This is just another hurdle involved in the fibro world. Two of my more recent losses were also fibro people. One was scary....she had people following her; I never figured her out, she was secretive, afraid to tell me too much.

    Another was on disability and was afraid that if people knew too much about her, she may lose her benefits. As you know we have good days sometimes, esp if we stay home and take care of ourselves.

    For our own good, we need to associate with stable-minded, good-quality compassionate people. We don't need the added stress of chaos. And when we are in pain, it brings others down.

    The on-line support gives us the flexibility to turn off when hurting, tired; tune back in when feeling better. And since no one knows us, we won't be afraid of "being found out about".

    Hang in there, you may notice that at this time, more than 60 people viewed your topic, but few were able to write about it.
  9. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I posted a link to the post you started recently....I thought it was a good one and I thought of it as soon as I saw this one ....... figured that it would help cory to know he is not alone in feeling lonely with this illness
  10. pumkinhead

    pumkinhead New Member

    Yes you can add me to the list. I have lost so many friends since i became ill. I was a very
    social person. Now i feel like a shut in and it sucks.
  11. cory74

    cory74 New Member

    I am tired of losong people I love due to this! Like I said I came close to losing my recent best friend! She even told me that she needed a break from everything and that I was 75% of the reason! I know its hard to deal with but.... I just thank god she has decided to stay with me. Altough I know it prolly wont be the same anymore!!
  12. pirtpain

    pirtpain New Member

    I also have this problem. I think it is because we are always sick and perhaps complain to those closest to us. I have no real friends that I can talk with. Noone seems to respond. It really makes me lonely. Out of coureousity, how old were you when you were diagnosed. What symptoms did you start with?

  13. LindaJones

    LindaJones New Member

    I have a friend who has a different medical condition.
    We are not getting along and I don't see her anymore.
  14. LadyCarol

    LadyCarol Member

    When I was first diagnosed with CFS/ME friends would keep in touch, however, as time went by fewer stayed in touch. Then when I was diagnosed with leukemia the few remaining friends become more and more distant from me. Now I have one friend who keeps in touch and who makes the effort to see me and enjoys time with me. This friend use to suffer for many a year with FM & CFS and depression, these days they are fit and healthy and full of life, they know what it's like to go through severe suffering & illnesses, empathy and love in action.

    There are people/friends who understand, those special people who know what love is.
  15. misty10

    misty10 New Member

    I am sorry to hear that but I too have had trouble with friends, and I am not a complainer.

    I feel so alone. Even my family kind of ignore me , I have suffered with depression for quite a few years and I feel they get tired of my moods and now my aches and pains. My X left me about 7 years ago. Lost a good friend because of my mouth and irritablity, but I do have to admit these people are difficult to be with. I think I probably better off alone.

    I don't like it but I don't know how to handle life. I try to be a good person and do for and listen to others always ends up the same, me on the outs with someone.

  16. pirtpain

    pirtpain New Member

    Tammie, I can relate to you not keeping in touch with people. My sister always says you have to work at relationships but if no one calls or e-mails do you beg for the attention. I had a friend from work that had 2 surgeries and called on me to help. I cleaned her house, bought groceries, with my own money, and made meals. She dropped me like a hot potato once she got a life and new friends. I am so saddened and angry about this. I moved after my job ended and therefore have not made any friends for the past 15 years.