Anyone else tired and hurt by followers of "The Secret?"

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Elisa, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    This illness is unspeakably difficult to deal with in everyway - physically emotional - you know what I mean...

    I am so tired of trying to defend myself from a family member that says if I follow "the Secret" my life will be all better - illness and problems just disappear.

    I get hit with this a lot and cry a million tears over it - cause I wish it were true - that something would work
    M A G I C A L L Y.

    I spend my time on the most pressing health or survival issues of the day/wk - heart, bp, pain, etc. I don't have the time or luxury to read things other than those that can directly help me make physical progress or at least slow the decline.

    One of my parents - always speaks of Norman Vincent Peale and "the Secret". It is heartbreaking for me to deal with and also feels like they don't really know or understand my situation. Afterall, I have wanted to get better for so long that I am sometimes sinking under the weight of the frustration.

    Does this happen with you guys too?

    Lots of tears today and had to get this out!

  2. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Yes! I think so.

    "The Secret" is a new book out and its about manifesting your dreams - with postive thoughts and attracting positive things etc. A new age Power of Positive thinking kind of book...

    Anyway - I get so upset by the concept that other believe that all we have to do is think RIGHT and we will be better. I guess because I have wanted so badly to get better for so long - it just hurts so much!

    Thanks for your reply - it really helps...

  3. munch1958

    munch1958 Member

    I think my Yoga teacher follows "The Secret". Every time I complain about how lousy I feel she tells me there's a healthy person buried in me. I just have to let her out. YEAH, RIGHT! If wishing could make me magically better I would have been healed in 1981.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2007]
  4. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    I needed a laugh today!

  5. dridlen1959

    dridlen1959 New Member

    I get pretty sick of the hoopla over "The Secret" also. It just doesn't work that way, wish it did, but it doesn't.

  6. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    when people say things like this.

    I try to "stay positive", but there's a big difference between me dealing with this condition in the best way I can -- or them making it seem like it's ALL MY FAULT that I'm sick, because I must not be positive enough!

    It just feels like another way for them to say it's all psychological. And another way to blame the victim.

    I'm wondering if they would say someone with diabetes or cancer or another serious illness would be cured if only they were sending out enough positive thoughts! I doubt it.

    Best wishes,
  7. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    What a difference you guys have made in my day...

    MistyGrace - I should try the chat room - I'm not sure I;ve ever been to it before. Maybe not today - if its not working.

    Dridlen - so true - I really know what you mean...

    Thanks so much,

  8. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    It really does feel like not be validated - like its not real to others.

    They wouldn;t dream of saying it to someone with what they consider to be a "SERIOUS" disease...

    For me, especially when its a close family member it hurts even more. I guess my wish is that they really knew me and my situation. It just feels like they are clueless and insensitive when it is mentioned.

  9. pika

    pika New Member

    i've heard that from charasmatics...for ages.

    i'm all for having the most positive thoughts we can have, and i feel my faith in God is as strong (or stronger?) than ever... but....ARRRRRRRGH!!!! i love it when i hear a sermon about miracles of Divine intervention, yet that act of "Grace" is totally dependent on our "work" of believing/praying/thinking/acting/living -- we get our "work" right and get the intervention, don't get it right and no miracle is granted.

    know what?? i think most of us DO think positively! VERY positively!!! if not, all this #&$*# pain would most likely cause us to do unthinkable harm... or, at best, be grouchy-meanies!! nope, most of us have THE PATIENCE OF SAINTS. (that's my story and i'm stickin' to it! LOL)

  10. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Pika - without my faith - I would not be able to survive - you are very right about that. It's true that keeping an ongoing dialogue with God is so important.

    MistyGrace - I AM going to try the chat board soon - maybe later today if it is on again. Thanks for your info and support!

  11. applecrisp

    applecrisp New Member

    If I had cancer or something everyone would understand...oh you are tired, thats understandable...your in pain, oh I'm so sorry, is there something I could do for you?...dinner dropped off at my door and a day where friends and family come to clean up my house or take the kids so I could rest. Not with Fibro....

    Actually I am lucky my husband is super supportive and my kids really try hard to understand. I have a few select friends that believe me and support me. My family?? No one is supportyive so I gave up on them a short while ago and I find my anxiety and fibro isnt so bad now that I'm not defending myself and wasting energy trying to make people understand. and not feeling guilty all the time for the things I cant do. Imense relief!!

    We are not imagining this pain. I no longer wish to indulge my energy on those who dont care enough to try to understand. However for those who really are interested in this disorder...I have plenty to say.
  12. pika

    pika New Member

    misty, i run out of it, too. the past few months, more than usual.

    one thing is right -- when my hubby was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, NO ONE suggested he try positive thinking. (he did, however, stay very positive through everything except his RAI diets... he's a major grouch then! LOL) but, we didn't get any of those kindnesses mentioned for *sicker* people. it was more like suddenly no one knew us.

    maybe we need to make big signs that say, "I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS!!" i just don't get why people can't be honest about their fears/concerns. and with illness, when they can't find anything ELSE to *blame* for something, they accuse the patient, rather than say, "i don't know..." maybe it's like not knowing, or choosing to ignore (other's suffering or dis-ease) makes them feel somehow safer??
  13. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Boy, that really says are soooo right. It is a waste of precious energy to battle those that aren't supportive. And a blessing to have those that are. That is great and sage advice - thanks!


  14. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    I often wondered why people, and previous friends, avoid us/me or stop calling or talking with is hurtful. Do they think we're contagious or is it they don't know what to say or are they afraid it could happen to them or their family members. I could never figure it out. I always belived I would be even closer to my friend if they got sick - afterall that is what true friendship is. So I am baffled by the shuns and silence of many of my closest friends at I time i truly needed them most!

  15. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Thanks to both of you!!

    Puddlegum- So kind of you to mention my name spelling - so sweet...And your kind words!

    cat003 - you have a omforting tone that I am grateful for -your voice really comes out in your writing - like a professional writer... Thanks for your help!

    It is so great that I can count on all you guys when i'm having a hard day - really a miracle in my life...

  16. Waynesrhythm

    Waynesrhythm Member

    Hi Elisa,

    I'm not familiar with the "secret", but it does seem to fall under a broad category I refer to as "new age gobbledegook". The gobbledegook part is not always what a writing actually says, but what others interpret it to mean. This is then often used to discredit us and our health challenges.

    Sometimes gobbledegook language comes across as trying to be helpful, but nonetheless, ignorant. Other times it comes across as quite harsh and accusatory. I feel Carolyn Myss's writings often fit in the latter category.

    This all seems to be part of the learning process for most of us; we'll end up dealing with it sooner or later. I think the key is to build up our own personal strength and learn to deal with it as graciously as we can.

    Best, Wayne[This Message was Edited on 04/04/2007]
  17. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    You're so wise and right about finding our path... I can be inspired by some teachings but some just feel judgemental as you said. I like Eckhart Tolle - as he is so real and is funny too - but speaks the truth from his own painful experience with depression. I especially like his CDs - because i can hear his voice and his laughter...

    Thanks Wayne for your insight!

    Also, what is your favorite energy medicine/activity? I know from your bio you have studied it a lot.


    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2007]
  18. swedeboy

    swedeboy Member

    Sorry to hear that those around you are not as supportive as they could be. Would it help to tell them that the CDC has identified specific mutated Genes in us people with CFS?

    Personnally I like certain aspects of "The Secret" and every time I watch it (I've seen it like 6 times already, hehe) I do feel inspired, and I never feel that I attracted this Illness upon me, despite how some are interpreting "The Secret."

    I hope that your family members will unlock their ignorances about CFS/FMS and see that your illness is real and NOT something you attracted to yourself.

    "Minds are like parachutes, they function best when open"

    Smiles, Sean
  19. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    You're so sweet...thanks for the support!

    I may quote the CDC - maybe that will help - you never know.

    I think The Secret is great because it inspires us...but anything taken out of context or used to tell us we haven;t done enough or the right way is, well, wrong.

    My family member says she is just trying to help - and I believe she is - but it hurts. I think it hurts because I have tried, it seems, everything, to get better or improve. I know truly I need to just accept it. But I just can't after 11 years it is so hard to let go of all my dreams and even harder to come up with new ones that "fit" this illness. The illness limits me - but inside I am limitless. I think we all feel this way - like we're screaming inside of a bell jar and can't be heard or just can't fix the problem so we can move on.

    Anyway, your kindness is much appreciated and really does help me a lot!


    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2007]
  20. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    People telling you these things are taking them out of context. People have been doing that with other ideas for eons. Look at all the people who use the Bible to validate their own agendas.

    The ideas in "The Secret" are not something which can be forced upon others. There is a lot of hype and misinformation from both the pro and con sides of this philosophy. It bothers me when people, who have not read the book nor seen the DVD, criticize it. It also bothers me when people use the philosophy to make others feel as though they just don't have the "right attitude." That isn't what it's about.

    I have used the ideas from "The Secret," and a lot of other resources, to be more positive and attract better things into my life. I feel more grateful and blessed and I pray differently now. It isn't magic and anyone who presents it as such doesn't understand it. Just wanting something isn't enough. We have to be active participants in the lives we create for ourselves. It's taken me six years to make the progress I've made with my illnesses and it involved a lot of work on my part to research treatment options. That was hard work, not magic. Still, I had to be motivated by the belief that healing is possible in order to continue on such a slow path.

    Please do not let the zealots get to you. If anyone thinks you are sick because you're not embracing "The Secret" or Normal Vincent Peale's "Power of Positive Thinking," he or she just doesn't get it. Ignore people who do not add positive energy to your life. Negative energy drains us.

    Love, Mikie

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