Anyone else with a toddler or young children?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by laurakay, Feb 5, 2003.

  1. laurakay

    laurakay New Member

    I'm wondering how many of you all have a toddler or other young children at home. I have a two year old, and lots of family and friends are expecting that we will have another child soon. I'm pretty much set on not having any more children, as I don't think that I can handle it physically with fibro. I don't think that my family really understands this. I'm not even sure that my husband understands that I'm serious about not wanting any more children.

    Has anyone else gone through this? (Also, any advice on how to deal with a two year old who all of a sudden doesn't want to go to bed?) :)
  2. debbiem31

    debbiem31 New Member

    I'm 31 and have a 19 month old son! He is an extreme handful, to say the least...

    As far as having more kids....nope, nada, not for me!! My husband and I decided that it would be all right to have just one child. I got my tubes tied 6 months after Seth was born.

    You see, I've been pregnant with more than one baby. The first was adopted (I was young), because I knew I couldn't take care of him, the second time was with twins (they both died), and finally the third time with Seth. He will be an only child.

    I was so miserable being pregnant that there's no way I could handle it again. My body wouldn't do it. Besides having FMS, I have degenerative disc disease and OA.
    As far as everyone elses opinions go, who cares? They don't have to live with the physical agony of carrying a child and caring FOR a child afterwards.

    For your sleepytime question: Do you all have a bedtime ritual? Have you tried a night light? I go to the Parents web site to their Community. It's basically the same format as this board, but it's for parents...

    It's nice to meet you, good luck with your toddler!

  3. onesmileymyley

    onesmileymyley New Member

    i have 5 and 1 more on the way. they are 11,10,4,3,and 1. i love them all and would not change anything. it is very very hard at times but i do it and you could as well
  4. laurakay

    laurakay New Member

    How does one take care of more than one child (or even one!)when they are bone tired and aching all over? I have to work full time, too, so by the time we all get home in the evening it all is so overwhelming sometimes! I just can't face going through another period of getting no sleep because then I just feel worse all over during the day.
  5. Billie

    Billie New Member

    I have a 6 year old son. We adopted him when he was 1, after 10 years of infertiliy. One year later I got sick with CFIDS. It has gotten somewhat easier now that he is older. Some times I look back and think how did I do it? I really don't know. There were times I would have to call my husband at work and ask him to come home, I just couldn't cope that day. There is nothing I would like more than to adopt again. For one thing we adopted through the state and I don't think they would LET me adopt one now that I have a chronic illness. Another thing, I don't think I could handle the whole process, it is VERY stressful. I would love my son to have a sibling, but I know I couldn't handle it. It breaks my heart sometimes. So I try to think of the positive things of having an only child. One it enables us to give our all to him and not have our attention divided. I think it gives him maturity and leadership qualities. Financially it is easier. I love having him all to myself.

    As far as other people and what they think. It is your life and your body. You and only you can know your capablities. I would just be honest with them, tell them your reasons, and if they are not able to accept that, then it is their problem and not yours.

    Please know that you are not alone, and there are those of us that completely understand where you are coming from........Billie
  6. tandy

    tandy New Member

    I just turned 40....eeel,first time I said that!!(my b'day was 2 days ago!) I have 3 children,ages 6,10 and 21.All boys!!! But I answered you b/c I've been sick for 10 years now.Now they are much easier but....even 2 yrs ago it was a battle! As for the sleeping problem.My youngest started doing that when he was about 2-3.I'd put him to bed at his normal time,say 8:30,by 9 or so i'd take a shower.He'd show up in the bathroom and just sit quietly on the floor waiting for me!!!(scared the hell otta me a few times!)He would cry if I tried to put him back to bed!and I'm talking CRY for 2 hours!!With tears streaming down his cheek he'd ask me"but why do we have to sleep,sleepings stupid". LOL Yeah,I can laugh now!anyway,I started letting him sleep with me.(bad idea) He just turned 6 and he just started to use his own bed.
    Maybe you could lay down with him untill he's asleep??(I wish I had done that~) I know its tough but I hafta say,just enjoy him! They really do grow up so fast~My 10 yr old is just getting to the point where giving Mom a kiss is'nt cool anymore~ And the 21 yr old....I won't even go there!lol
    Good luck at getting him to bed~two yr olds can be stubborn!but funny.
  7. allhart

    allhart New Member

    we have 5 kids 13 / 13 9 3 10 monthes and i found its easier with more then one they have a playmate they dont need constant mommy time they like to teach and learn from each other as much as from there parents,but it is much much harder when you have to do earns and try and put them in carseats and shopping carts,i realy never thought i could handle two toddlers with being so sick but ive made it threw,dont let anyone pressure you to have a baby if you dont feel ready,theres 4 years between some of mine and that was a good space,because at 4 they help out mommy and there soon off to school giving you just one during the day,
    as far as 2 year olds going to bed the thing that worked best for me is letting them stay up until they fall asleep on there own,that last maybe a week or two then they realize mommys not staying up having fun with out them and they are more willing to go to bed,also we had to lay down everynight for about a month with one and pretend we were going to sleep also,im sure someone eles will have some better advice
  8. laurakay

    laurakay New Member

    for the great advice and understanding. We had another difficult night with the kiddo, but she will come around and eventually sleep at a decent hour and in her own bed, I'm sure. I'm definatley not going to think about having another one until this one's in school, another three years from now.
    Thanks again!!
  9. Madelyn

    Madelyn New Member

    I have six kids, 17 to 3 years. I have had CFIDS for at least 13 years. So I have dealt with toddlers. Sometimes it has been difficult to do eveything with them that I wanted to do, but who couldn't say that, well or not? There was a time 9 years ago when I was bedridden and thank the Lord I had a great family to help. But I have learned since then that I can keep on going, in spite of how I feel, of course pacing myself as we all have to learn to do. All parents have limitations!
    If it weren't for my children, I would, I think, still be in bed, listening to every creak of my body. They keep me moving and keep me motivated to stay as well as I can.
    You can do it!

    [This Message was Edited on 02/06/2003]
  10. mamafrey1

    mamafrey1 New Member

    Hi, i am a mother of a 19, 9, 8 and 5 year old. My Fibro didn't actually start till after my babies. I was in my thirties when i had the last three and then had them back to back. It took a toll on my body. I came down sick after every birth of the last three also. Talk about a load. On top of that the 3rd child didn't sleep through the night till she was 5 months old. Finally found out at 11 mnths. that she was allergic to everything under the sun. They said she was one of the worst allergic cases that they had ever seen. She still has several life threatening ones. When i became pregnant with my 4th child, during the 5th and 6th months carrying him, my daughter was on open sore because she had eczema so bad from her allergies, i only got 4 to 0 hours of sleep for 2mnths. I totally taxed out my body. After that i became so use to not sleeping that i could go three days without shutting a eye. It completely took a toll on me. I ended up living in bed with a heating pad and crying for a year until i found out what was wrong. I am so much better now but still am fms. I look back and sometimes i felt like i was a terrible mother because i was so irritable and frustrated because i use to be so full of energy. Laying down on that couch made me feel totally worthless. I finally had to execpt that i didn't have to have EVERYTHING perfect. BUT - - - - - I DONT REGRET IT WHAT SO EVER. I LOVE ALL 4 of MY CHILDREN with all of my heart and soul. They were the ones that kept me going. The Lord blessed me with them and with his help one day at a time i got through it. I hope this didn't discourage you, it is alot of work especially when you are totally out of it and exhausted. Just remember it doesnt matter what mommy has - - they will love u no matter what and sometimes when you are so exhausted its the twinkle or smile from that child that can ease the pain before any pill. But in the end you need to follow your own heart and soul and what is right only for you and not feel guilty about it. God Bless You!
  11. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I have three children & another one due in 10 weeks.
    Mine are all girls, aged 5, 3 1/2, & 21 months.
    Things get really tough at times, the last 12 months have been really hard :( I used to look after a friends 3 children for extended periods of time (up to 2 weeks at a time day & night.) So it wasn't unusual for me to have 6 children under 6 in my house at any time.
    But I am lucky enough to have a very loving & caring husband who is willing to do more than his fair share around the house. He changed nappies, cooks, cleans (well somtimes LOL)
    Sometimes I feel guilty because I can't do as much for the girls as I'd like to, but I know they are not missing out.
    They get alot of love & their Daddy takes them out to the playground & the beach when I can't do it.
    If I'm feeling up to it, then we all go. Picnics at the beach are amazing for the soul :)
    This morning I was the one that got up with all three of them, got them fed, changed, dressed & took the eldest one to school.
    Somedays I can & if I can't, then Jace has to.
    This will be it for us though. I think that four will be all I can handle ;)

  12. ma-moo1

    ma-moo1 New Member

    I can sympathize I have a 2 yr. old son who is my heart not only is that tough w/FMS but we are expecting our second and last in april,being preg. w/FMS is wors than terrible 2's(LOL)the only thing that keeps me going is that I know looking @ those cute little faces makes i worth don't get me wrng there are days when I break down and cry that's when my hubby takes over,my son is very much a mommy's boy.
  13. PAT

    PAT New Member

    I have five of them. Four boys 4,8,10,and 12 and a little girl who is 2. It is a very chaotic, busy and tiring life, but I think about what I would NOT be doing if I didn't have them.
    I would not be out of bed by 7:30 every morning, I would not be running up and down the stairs all day carrying baskets full of laundry, and getting the exercise my legs need, I probably wouldn't be cooking nutritous meals if I didn't have the kids' health to worry about, I wouldn't make myself get a shower and put on makeup every single day, (try picking a 12 year old kid up from school in your jammies and a pale face). I wouldn't make trips all summer to the Zoo, Grants Farm and Six Flags enjoying nature, and I wouldn't care as much about making myself as healthy as possible so I can enjoy my future grandchildren.
    So, I say, thank the good Lord I have a bunch of kids who keep me young and busy! Otherwise I WOULD bed till noon, in dirty jammies and linens, eating junk food, drinking soda, getting more pale by the day due to lack of sunshine and make-up, and watching my future fade away while I cried in pain and had nothing to look forward to!
    Patti G
  14. babybobby

    babybobby New Member

    I read your message. DOes your 2 year old sleep through the night? My husband has fibro and gets very little sleep. It doesn't help that my son always wakes up and wants to sleep with us. My husband slleps on the couch because of it. Any suggestions on how to get sleep for both my husband and my son? I think I'm going to issolate my son from my husband so my husband can relax.
  15. LeLeHpr

    LeLeHpr New Member

    My husband and I are deciding whether or not to have a child, as my fm is bad.....How was pregnancy for you?
  16. Madelyn

    Madelyn New Member

    I just re-read your post and I realized that I sounded like I was telling you to have another baby! Sorry. Of course that is completely your business. No one should tell you what you ought to do about something of such import. I only meant to give support,SHOULD you decide to. Be comfortable with your own feelings and decisions.

    [This Message was Edited on 03/25/2003]
  17. charisma1973

    charisma1973 New Member

    That is EXACTLY how I feel about it! I have a 7, 3, and 2 year old. It's crazy, but that is my reason for going-if I was alone, especially on my down days I think I would just sink further into depression and hopelessness. It is hard when you don't feel well, and part of making yourself go and go I think gives people the idea that you feel well, in reality it just means you are an extra strong person.

    I don't either recommend or not recommend having children to people because everyone's relationships and health is so different. BUT the woman does carry the "burdens" of pregnancy, childbirth, and mostly all household and child duties, so it is what YOU can do. I say "burden" because it seems everything is when you don't feel well.

    I don't think as far as sleep is concerned I can help-I don't think I have slept a full night in over 7 years. I have tried "ferberizing" my kids and EVERYTHING to no avail, and let me tell you, we go night by night and do what works for OUR family, not what others might say is appropriate. There are times either kid can't sleep and they get in bed with us until they are asleep, and then we move them to their bed, or they sleep with us. They all have tv/vcr's in their rooms, so sometimes they go to sleep watching a movie. We do whatever it takes. I know I don't necessarily like sleeping alone, and I am 29, so why would a little kid who needs support and love like we do. I just try to do stuff that makes them feel comfortable and secure.

    Good luck with your decision-you have definitely had alot of qualified people giving you advice!

  18. Sunflowergrl

    Sunflowergrl New Member

    I'm 33 years old and have a 5 year old little girl.
    I wish we were able to have more children but I had to have a complete hysterectomy a few years ago. My husband helps me out a lot around the house when I need it.