Anyone feel like spouse doesnt care?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by candjlupo, Sep 9, 2005.

  1. candjlupo

    candjlupo New Member

    I was just dx with fibro. I have thought I have had it for a while but I finally got a dr to dx. Well, the same day i found out that my medicaid was cancelled so i cant even get my medication filled so i have nothing to help me. I had to go back to work a couple of months ago after being home for about 2-3 years and its really hard for me esp with feeling exhausted and my arms hurt mostly. anyway, I told my husband that he was going to have to help do stuff around the house, and he does, but esp on his days off he doesnt do anything. When he does do stuff I have to make him a detailed list he doesnt take an initiative to do things. I feel completly overwhelmed as I have 2 small kids and work part-time. Plus i have to take care of laundry and this place. Also, I cant seem to get him to understand how I feel. He says "I know what it is" He has been around medical stuff all of his life. I am so frustrated and feel like even tho I feel so exhausted most of the time and i have brain fog alot of time too, it doesnt matter.
    sorry this is so long, i am just very frustrated
  2. lilac123

    lilac123 New Member

    Hi there, It sounds like you are going through what my hubby and I did in the beginning. I don't have any great advice just know you are not alone and you have found a safe place here to talk to people who understand what you are going through.

    It is so hard when the people close to us don't react the way we expect or want them to. I know for us it was such a huge adjustment. I alone went through the whole stages of greif and now looking back he was going through his own process too. At first hubby just tried to ignore it was real. (Denial) but we have come a long way now and I have to be firm sometimes and take care of myself if I'm not doing good. This diagnosis affects all areas of our lives and takes alot of getting used to.

    I will keep you in my prayers. And, I didn't think your post was too long. This is the place to let it all out!

    ((((((((soft hugs)))))))
    Lil
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Welcome to our board/support group, Candjlupo!

    Yes, I have the same problem. I think most spouses are like yours--they don't seem to care because they don't know what we are going through.

    I have had fibro/cfs since I was about 10 yrs old, but they just didn't know what it was then.

    I was in the same situation as you when I was your age. I am now 54, retired after working 30 years with fibro/cfs and a lot of other serious health problems (see bio).

    I worked all those years, raised 3 children AND a husband. I did everything but the outside work--that was his. He worked at the office all day, then worked on the farm all evening and on weekends; therefore, he had ZERO time to help me.

    Now all the kids are grown and out of the house, and he still doesn't help me!

    He's a super nice guy, an excellent father, a good husband, has no bad vices, and an extremely hard worker--he just doesn't get it when it comes to me being disabled--and if you look at all my medical problems, you would agree!

    You just have to ask yourself sometimes if you are better off with him, or better off without him! I always answer that I'm better off WITH him!! LOL That's why we've been married almost 35 years!

    It's just frustrating and depressing, and extremely hard when you are working and raising small children and feel like crap every single day of your life!!

    I sympathize with you.

    Hope things work out for you,

    Take care,
    Janet
  4. lilac123

    lilac123 New Member

    Hi Again!

    Are you new to the board? If so welcome!! Hope you are having an alright weekend.

    Take Care,
    Jenny
  5. candjlupo

    candjlupo New Member

    Yes, I am new to the board. Thank you. My weekend hasnt been all that great, but that happens.
  6. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    sometimes I am just not thrilled at the reactions I get. I would say it is a case, for me, of wanting to have my cake and eat it too.

    I want to do what I want to do but when I say I am tired or sore, I want acknowledgment. I don't want to be fussed at or yelled at for not sitting around doing nothing, but I don't particularly want to hear, me too when I say that I am tired or hurting.

    I guess what I really want is for him to say, I am sorry that you are feeling bad, is there something I can do to help you, or would you like me to fix dinner (which he has done many, many times) and if I say I am okay, then let me do what I feel like I want too.

    I am so over laying down all the time! If I am tired or sore, I do dinner or whatever I feel like I need or want to do, then I rest. I know many cannot do it, I am only talking about me.

    Maybe you should just be upfront and sit him down and tell him that you feel that maybe he has issues with your dd that he would like to discuss.

    Is it possible that he does not know how you are feeling? Nagging about what is bothering you when you are irritated does not make any headway, though. You have to do it when you are calm and not when you are feeling frustrated.

    Sonya