Anyone feel trapped in relationship because of FM/CF/LYME?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fmfriend, Jun 5, 2010.

  1. fmfriend

    fmfriend Member

    I am feeling so trapped in my marriage because Im disabled and cant work with these diseases.And no higher education to fall back on. Im virtually stuck. I only get a little disability and that wont get me very far as with rent utilities ect.

    And then there is the fact that their are alot of times I cant even get out of bed. I sometimes wake up and my joints literaly are stuck and have to be mobilized by some one till I can move somewhat on my own but still need assistance getting down the stairs or lift up a cup or glass.

    I have two kids 13 & 15 with ADHD and they treat me with total disrespect really like%@#$ to the point of yelling at me and my husband doesnt do anything about it except a slight repromand only after I say something to him and then if I punish them he doesnt stick to it and in alot of cases just makes their lives easier.

    My son is 15 and is so mean to me coming close at times to hitting me or feeling threatened by him in that way. And my daughter is almost as bad with talking back, slamming doors, not doing what I ask of her. And again my husband does nothing.

    He himself is a big baby. If I voice my opinion he pouts around the house for day not talking to me . Its like walking on eggshells all the time,. He never pays bills on time so Im always terribly worried about that. we have had every utility shut off before usually on a monthly basis. We've lost houses and all things I healt dear like Grandma photo,the kids first shoes they walked in, my wedding get the picture. Totally disfunctional and Stessly to the max which of corse makes matters worse for my health and he knows that.

    I just cant take it anymore but I dont have any family and have been so isolated because of this DD that I have no freinds.

    Does anyone else have/had this problem. Any suggestion anyone?
    I feel like the cat hanging from the end of the last string on the rope.

    Please please reply. PS I live in central NC. if that helps with suggestions.

    Thank you all.~ FMFriend
  2. quanked

    quanked Member

    Your situation sounds like a very tough place to be. I have felt trapped by circumstances at different points in my life and the feeling made bad situations almost intolerable.

    Being disabled places one in a special population that affords one special protections and financial help not available to those not disabled.
    Given your description of your situation it sounds like you would fall into the vulnerable adult population. It sounds like your son's behavior might be labled abusive and (in my state, Oregon) this is a criminal offense--not sure about NC. How he is treating you is not okay and sounds unsafe.

    My suggestion to you is to contact your senior and disabled services agency in your area--this is usually a state or county agency. Find out what services are available to you. There will also be an agency in your community that provides advocacy services to the disabled. You might want to hook yourself up with an advocate to help you through the various systems that might be able to help you. Some of these advocates are wonderful human beings, based on my experiences.

    It sounds like you are in dire need to support and help. I hope that you are able to reach out to others in your community who might be able to help you.

    If you wait on your family to come around you may be waiting a long time and they may never come around. In my life, I have received more help and kindness from strangers and friends than I ever did from my family. I can live with this.

    I am not sure that having a higher education would be of much help in your situation. These dd's take down fast food workers to rocket scientists--they do not discriminate. My higher education means just about zilch now.

    Take care of yourself FMFriend.
  3. fmfriend

    fmfriend Member

    Its so amazing that you "get it" with just the little bit that I have told you and my husband doesnt get it and he sees it every day.My son does does tone it down some around my husband, But he still is verbally abusive to the point I cant sit at the dinner table with him. He just wants to argue and debate,he's a great debater manipulative,twisting words and.I litterally gag on my food or just woof it so fast I almost choke and swallow my food half chewed.Most of the time I just go to my room And my husband will just let his behavior slide by and them get all ticked off at at me and not really deal with it. He,ll pout at me and then Im on egg shells again.
    i cant stand this kid and "I" can say that because he my kid ( adopted from day one) His lineage is bio dad is a serael sex offender to minors and he Socialy phycooathic. He (Bio male doner) was institutionalized
    Since the age of twelve. Im sure the exact reason.I think he had alot of fightsng with most people which others and couldnt get along with others. Just like my son He is so arguementative ,thinks hes better than ever one else Just like my son. He is realy smart but doesnt want to apply himself,gets by with the bear minimum.

    The female biodoner was a herowin addict ,with some undiagnose phyc problems of her own and her mother was scitzophrenic and institutionalized for years
    . I brought my son to a mental health care provider and when he was faced with with some issues by the Dr he told the doctor off them the Dr wouldnt see him again.
    I dont know what to do now. I just dont have the energy and it would be another big fight.

    My stress level is just too high to deal with all this.

    My husband works from 5am to 7pm. And now school is going to will be
    out for a summer break. I am so terrified.
    And my daughter just want me to run her around like crazy And I dont have the energy for that either and we cant aford summer camps .

    They both are on ADHD meds but that alone is not doing it. They both are so rude,mean and obnotious to me even if I had the energy to take them anywhere I wouldn't .

    My husband took the kids side again today and I just have had it.

    We are sleeping in seperate rooms tonight and I told him its over. I cant do this anymore. I have no Idea where Im going to go.What to do from here. can I go to school. Im in my 50's and only have a high school education. My husband chose the kids over me. My eyes are open wide after year togather.

    I need to go my night meds are kickin in and Im falling asleep.

    Thank you for listening and supporting me. I am really totaly alone. No family,no friends like I said.
    Please support

    Thanks Again ~ FMFreind
  4. healthworksusa

    healthworksusa New Member

    I have been in a similar abusive family situation for many years. I understand the cat analogy! Call it what it is. It is abuse. Call Community Services or any mental health or social department in your city or your doctor if you have one who understands. It is diffficult to face,that it will continue until such a time that you arrange for an intervention. You need protection. In the meantime, use all your mental energy to exercise the faith God has given you, even if you just ask God to hold you. He will. It really is one breath at a time, but do hold on. You are strong and courageous and loved.

    I am working at creating a foundation and home-care service to help people like us and our families across North America. If you wish to help yourself and others find a way out and up, I would be happy to hear about your experiences with the medical profession, what city are you in or closest to, and which resources or therapies might you consider helpful, bar any cost? If I can be a friend in any way, you can count on my prayers, and will answer your email asap...I am in a relapse,but working my way out of it.

    Gotta go now, till next time, love and care,