Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cromwell, Mar 6, 2006.

  1. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Gee, I feel like such a BABY.

    DH went out today with his parents, they went skiing(dad is 89!!!)nearby, but it means they are out about 6 hours total.

    Well, prior to him leaving, I went for blood draw and drop off the 24hr urine. When I got back all DH's outdoor clothing was on the floor by door and no sign of him anywhere. We only have one car. Nowhere in house. Where would he be without coat?(snowing here)Then I saw glove in road, thought he may have gotten run down. Gee, finally checked answering machine and he had locked himself out in his shirtsleeves so neighbor had run him to his mom's.

    Got in a state when I could not locate him though.Thought he dropped dead somewhere.

    Then I just about scared myself to pieces re the post on Cipro, started playing on my mind, all the scare stories,started feeling my pulse, checking for rashes,(have a small blister type one on chest that makes me think"do I have shingles?" pulse is racing a bit due to my panic I think. Now I am scared to take the Cipro, scared not to. Just drinking bottle after bottle of water. Maybe the "decaf" tea bag(used caf one of DH's had too much caffeine left in it. Nurse said to halve the dosage over the day, so that cuts the actual amount in system down.

    She also said that I probably cannot have the cysto on Wed due to this infection still being active, but they will scan the kidneys. I was wondering about that. They can run another urine then for sure.

    The thing is, I really think I picked this infection up at the gynes office, as this is when it started, after an internal.
    Also, I am still miffed that she never looked physically at the breasts, just groped under the gown, how can they check that way????

    I am even counting the minutes till I can walk over to school and get my son so I won't be alone. Gee this isn't like me, I am normally the calm advisor one right? Sometimes!

    This is since that heart scare last week, or was it week before. Brain fog....

    Does anyone else get this impending doom feeling when alone?

    Hope someone answers, sure could use some company. Only have a couple of friends who aren't that "available".

    Oh well, not too long till school gets out. Boy I do have back and chest pains still(have had them checked for heart)wonder if Cipro made them worse??? Maybe I will take a vallium, get some muscle relief if nothing else. Had them prior to Cipro and I think the rash too.

    Hey Ho what a big old baby I am!!! Feel a bit better owning up to this.

    Love Anne C
  2. cjr2003

    cjr2003 New Member

    When my cyst cramping/pain was at it's worst and I would go through periods of time where I thought I would pass out at any minute, I felt panicky and did not want to be alone. My husband came home early from work 2-3 times, because I had periods of time where I was cramping badly and the thought of passing out and no one here to check on me scared me to death! My dr's had put me on Lortab/Hydrocodone and I really believe that this med added to my panicked feelings. Hydrocodone has a weird effect on me - makes me anxious and irritable for some reason - even though it takes care of the pain really well. I felt like a crazy person for a while taking the Lortab. Also, when I was going through the worst of the cyst problems, we did not know for sure if there was something else wrong inside me, and that "not knowing" seemed to add to my panicky feelings. I had 2-3 weeks of severe anxiety every day almost and it was very exhausting. I worry about my husband sometimes when I know he is out in the field on the tractor all alone. I keep up w/ him on his cell phone if he seems to have been gone too long or hasn't checked in in a while. When we first got married I had this "unrational" fear that he was going to be killed in an accident or have a heart attack and be taken from me. I am sure this was my deepest fears ganging up on me. The thought of losing him really scared me. And when I am in need/going through a health scare/crisis, my fears always seem to resurface and gang up on me again. That is it for me! Some of my meds also contribute to this too. Definetly know how you feel; it's no fun. Completely understandable. LOL Carla
  3. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Since my Lupus, CFIDS, Fibro have all worsened over the year, whenever I flare, I feel very vulnerable. To the point that if someone rings our "electric gate", I wonder who the heck is coming to our house.

    And when I have something "extra" like when I was taking that CIPRO, if my husband hadn't been here to talk me through it, not sure what I would've done. The symptoms were so bad I couldn't make decisions.

    I don't believe there are too many of us who have not felt that impending doom feeling at some point.

    My "tool" at this time is my husband, who practically works full time from home as he's afraid of what I might do under those circumstances.

    Valium is great for those times, as is a glass of wine.

    Hang in there...........

  4. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I feel extremely vulnerable if in the house alone especially at night.

    We had two dogs and lost both a year ago and I just dont feel safer here anymore.

    The impending doom thing I get that too. I'm not depressed but I think we are just so physically debilated, so weak that we feel vulnerable.

    I hate that others feel like this too but in a way I'm relieved. Thought it was just me.

  5. harrysmom

    harrysmom Member

    Honey, don't feel bad. The first couple of years when my CFS was the worst my roommate couldn't even leave me alone to go to the store and when she had to go to work - she teaches - after the first summer of sitting with me constantly - I was in an anxiety state or talking myself out of an attack all day. The only time I felt anywhere near relaxed was when she was in the house in the evening. Now, 10 years later, it's better on a day to day basis, but the slightest little thing that comes up sends me into a near panic attack - like this morning - when the power company had a bunch of loud men working on the lines and trimming branches outside my window and it woke me up from being alseep. I have been jumpy all day and they're long gone.

    It's this stupid illness we all have. God help us, I just don't know how we are making it sometimes.
  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    These replies really helped plus another couple on the Cipro thread.

    Dan and I spend all of our time together have worked together from home base the whole 20 years we have been married, so we rarely take time out. We are ever so close.
    I did want him to get some fun today though.

    You just made me recall I never felt this way prior as we had our two dogs here and they both died last year. I have the cats, and they are OK. Danny jnr is home from school with me now and I feel Ok. Plus I got a letter from sister in the UK I am now answering to pass time.

    The nurses idea to have me just lower the CIPRO helped a lot too, I can always up it to 3 x's a day tomorrow if it does not work.

    Thanks so uch I am still nervous, could be side effect, but feeling I can always come here. Here is Dan now. Love Anne C
  7. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am just not used to being alone, plus it is very quiet where we live. I feel a lot better now Dan is home. He had lain out his clothing ready to go skiing on the floor by the hall door next to his ski stuff and boots.

    When I could not find him and found that glove in the road I thought he had had a seizure and been struck by a car.

    Poor guy was just freezing as it is like 16F here and he had on jeans and shirt.

    I think the CIPRO itself was racing my heart a bit, but if you read my other Cipro reply you will see they pulled the dose down, which I am hoping will be better. I hate to take it, but this infection is lurking and not budging.

    Then a friend who sells Oils I spoke with,all he could do was try and get me to take the oils as he believes that they are the miracle cure for every disease known to man,(everything else is no good and deadly) along with enabling, get this, 75 year old women to conceive......I know they have a place as do herbals, but prior to antibiotics people died hopeless deaths. I hate these cultish sales pitches too. Does real harm to the good natropaths.

    Yes,antibiotics, they are overused, but I thank God for them as they saved my son's life and my husbands. I'm not part of this" only this works brigade" and know you aren't either. I also am old enough to recall classmates dying of the measles, or being blinded, and diptheria killing many children and polio, boy how many kids did I know who got that, and these diseases are almost a thing of the past thanks to yes, the much maligned, vaccinations. Look at Aids and all the survivors now due to modern drugs.

    So as you can see I am back on the old soap box so feeling better....peeing is getting less painful too. Everything you said made absolute sense.

    Much love for responding. Anne C

    Love Anne C
    [This Message was Edited on 03/06/2006]
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Oh, dear, you had a right to be scared. You did not know what had happened to your husband!

    To come home and find his clothing and coat, and see a glove in the road, and him nowhere in sight .... I would have worried myself sick.

    I think this is a totally different situation than knowing where he is at and being scared.

    However, I am rather scared .. or tense .. now. My husband left after work to go out of town with my son to a Bull Sale. And ... this is no bull .... it is to buy a Bull!!! We farm on the side and it is time to replace the bull in our cattle herd! It is a major expense and a big deal to buy just the "right" bull for your herd!!

    They won't be back until 11:30 pm. I already feel lonely and tense in the house by myself. It is 6:00 pm and I have lights on all over the house, all the doors locked, etc.

    I never felt this way when the kids were still at home. I was working then, and now being retired, I am home all the time and I think it feels differently. When I would come home from work, with the kids here, I would actually enjoy it when he went on business trips for his job and be gone for days, because it gave me a "break" -- I didn't have to fix a big supper, etc.

    All that feeling changed when the children left home. Now I'm a big baby, too! But your situation that you described, you had a right to be terrified for his well being!

    I'm so thankful that he was OK!!!

  9. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Don't watch scary TV....

    I know, that being alone is so hard when we are sick too.

    Wake had a good idea with the beeper thingy. I wonder what they cost.

    Son just brought emergency prepared notice from school and I note it says have a phone that does not require electricity and we don't so I think I will buy one from Staples that you use a card for.

    Wow I will post the list when I feel better. What we are supposed to have.

    Feel OK I hope you have a dog having a farm
    We used to have a small farm too.

    Love Anne C
  10. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    dude, seriously I have had freak outs like that too ... whenever I am feeling vulnerable, for whatever reason, everything seems WAY MORE CATASTROPHIC than it really is, but you can't shut off your brain and calm yourself. I so know how you feel. it's super frustrating.

    i've gotten somewhat better with dealing with those moments, with the help of coping mechanisms (including calling friends, xanax for panicky issues, soothing baths and practicing self-defense moves in my house alone for fun. Feels super empowering. :)

    I love women's self-defense. It has taught me so much and helps me stay calm in situations when I am feeling tense and scared ... even situations that really are just panic and not a self-protection situation that I have to deal with another person threatening me and such.

    Hang in there. You're doing great. And remember, you are always doing the best you can with the tools that you have at the time. You are not a baby and you deserve your love and compassion just as much as anyone else (I think the Buddha said something like that)

    Take care chica!!
  11. JLH

    JLH New Member

    My mother was widowed four years ago. My parents had been married for 52 years when my father passed away. They had never spent nights apart until my father became ill and had to hospitalized often. My mother became very scared to stay alone.

    One time she even moved the washing machine in front of the back kitchen door to block someone from coming in! She started to adapt, but still remained scared.

    When my father found out how scared my mother was to stay alone when he went into the hospital, he had the doors changed to heavy steel doors with dead-bolt locks on them. This eased her mind some.

    The day after my father's funeral, she call a home security company to come and install a security system in her house. The alarms are on every window as well as all doors. This service was installed free on a special they happened to be having at the time, as she pays only $19.95/month for the monitoring by the security company.

    This security system has been the best thing that my mother could have ever done!!! She is no longer afraid of staying alone in her house. To combat her loneliness, she also got a dog. It's a Yorkie, so it's not a big attack dog, but it is someone else in the house at night and she doesn't feel alone--as she tells me.

    If anything ever happens to my husband, that will also be the first thing I do after the funeral, too! Sorry, I don't mean to sound morbid, and I hope nothing happens to him for a million years!

  12. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    bumping up .... how ya doing now??
  13. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Doing fine. I think the CIPRO was affecting me, making me nervous.

    I had great news today. The infection was actually NOT in the kidney, the cyst has grown but looks benign. The IC is almost gone and de de d e d e de dah (that was meant to be a trumpet!) the BEST news of all

    is that

    The darn vertigo of 9 months plus, has vanished also with the antibiotic for the IC............

    Must have been an infection after all despite being told none... OR the blood clot came from somewhere that was causing the dizziness. That also crossed my mind. I am over the moon. Could actually go shopping.

    Just have high back pain .....

    So feeling good. looking good. Went to TK Max's sale and got $224 worth of sweaters for $10 they had all been reduced to $2 each, one is cashmere and silk for $2! plus new jeans G Vanderbilt for $11 a pair. I have not bought new clothing in over ten years( except panties and a Parka). I usually shop thrift stores. OOOO I am made up, I even sprayed a little Touch of sun in my hair. Just have the Cystogram to go..... Son said "Mom you are looking like a realtor again". (I am not a realtor, he knows they dress up though)LOL

    Love Anne C aND thanks for all the help and support.
  14. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    WOOHOO! I'm so glad that you're feeling better.

    Bravo. :)

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