Anyone here with an eating disorder???

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by Julibug0, May 15, 2004.

  1. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    Hello!

    I normally post on the Fibro board but I was wondering if any of you have any experience with dealing with and eating disorder. I need some support and don't know where to go to get it.

    If there is anyone out there that can help, please reply! I could use a shoulder to cry on!

    Thanks and Hugs! Julie
  2. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    hi julie,
    ive had bulimia since i was at school (a long time ago!!) i didnt really realise what it was till about seven years ago. im ok most of the time i think but when i get depressed i eat then get fat then purge, you know how it goes... however i have not purged at all for about three years now although i have been quite down since new year so .......
    if i can do anything to help you i would be happy to and i have big shoulders..
    xxxgrace
  3. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    Hello Grace!

    Thank you so much for replying to my post. You really don't know how much that means to me!


    I am 27 years old and have been suffering with Bulima since I was 15. I didn't really know what it was until I was about 22. I think I always had an idea that there were people out there like me but at the time was to ashamed to talk to anyone.

    As crazy as this sounds, I learned a lot about the disease when I came to a head with it in 1999. I was working for a well known weight loss center and felt that I needed to lose excess weight to encourage my clients. (At least that is what I told myself!)

    Anyway, I delt with it on and off for almost ten years and then just stopped. I mean really just stopped. I haven't had a problem with it until now. I know that I need help but it feels so good that I don't want to stop. Please tell me that that makes sense to you!?!?!

    I have been under a lot of stress the past couple of years. I am chronically ill with Fibromyalgia and Endometriosis. I have gained a lot of weight due to the hormones that the docs have put me on.

    I am currently trying to lose the weight and have been somewhat successful. I have lost 10 pounds so far but have many many more to go. I am 5'6" and weigh 158 pounds. This is the heaviest my body has ever been! I feel very uncomfortable, gross and very ugly.

    Anyway, I had the muchies really bad last night and before I knew it I was purging. God, it felt so good. I felt high! I even went out and smoked a cigarette after I did it. (That is a ritual from when I did it before. It is like the cigarette is a reward or something. Can't really explain it!)

    Then I came down from my "high". I felt horrible and ashamed about what I had done. I didn't know where to go and that led me here. I am a member of the Fibro board and decided to try one of the other boards to see if there was anyone out there.

    I really appreciate your reply. It feels good to know that I am not alone!

    I can already feel how much I have slipped already. I am counting all the calories in my head, constantly looking at myself in the mirror and dreaming about all the wonderful things I can eat for free.

    I just wanted someone to talk to! I thank you so much!

    Hope that you are having a wonderful day!

    Julie
  4. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    you sound like your having a hard enough time already without this rearing its head again. i think you're very brave to talk about it, i would have denied it till i was blue in the face when i was purging
    i know just what you mean though, me and my husband used to go out for meals and i would eat everything i could and then come home and get rid of the lot. i could eat ten bars of chocolate in one go... white chocolate was my treat. or a family size tirimasu that i would tell myself i was buying for everyone and then hide in the kitchen and eat it all myself...
    my last bout of this was the worst,lasted about four years, we had lots to deal with during this time and this was like something that gave me some release and made me feel good,something i controlled,but really that was controlling me, especially cos i never lost any weight anyway.
    i stopped just like you,one day i was getting rid of my dinner and started bringing up blood which really frightened me. i thought thats it i have to stop, and i did.
    it was difficult cos no-one new about it because i was so ashamed of myself,so i couldnt tell anyone how well i was doing or get any support.
    i just told my husband about 18 months ago and he'd had no idea. im quite open about it now and i think that helps me that its not a secret. does your husband know about it?
    feel free to get my email address of the moderators and mail me anytime, big hugs
    xxxgrace
  5. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    just wondering how you are
    i hope you're doing good
    xxx grace
  6. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    Sorry I haven't written back before now. I am feeling so incredibly weak right now.

    I am not sure if I told you this but I am recovering from surgery and dealing with a new hormone shot in my body. So my body just feels really whacky right now.

    My husband and I were talking and think that maybe the change in hormones is what brought on my obsession with food again.

    We are not sure and definately not experts but I haven't had a problem with it for so long and then WHAM, it was just there.

    I have only done it a few times but....I have also quit eating. I will only eat raw fruits or vegetables and nothing that is cooked. Isn't that weird? If I eat anything else I freak out!

    I am also really stressed out right now too. I just found out that my LITTLE sister, she is 19, went to a drug rehab center the other day. I guess we all have our vices in my family. With my Mom, it is alcohol, my Dad, not sure what he deal is, my Sister, drugs, and with me it is food.

    Yeah real nice family huh?!?!?! Anyway, sorry to be just going on and on about this. I am just having a very sick day today.

    I hope that you are doing very well and have a wonderful day!!!! I also hope to get to talk to you sooner. Sorry this one took so long!

    (((((HUGS))))) Julie
  7. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    sorry to hear you're having such a bad time,i hope it doesnt last long.i was reading you're profile and you seem so positive,i'm sure that will help you to get back to where you want to be.
    you could be right about the hormones,they do funny things to us thats for sure. did you talk to you're doctor about it? i wonder if it may also be that you're having a lot of stress and you are going back to this cos its something you can control,i think that i thought like that sometimes.

    dont worry to much about you're sister, if she's in rehab she's getting looked after so you should consentrate on yourself. i know thats easier said than done. just before christmas my little sister phoned me at midnight crying cos her ex husband had been round, beat her up,cut up all her clothes and threatened to set her on fire,you can imagine i was beside myself.i live 400 miles away and could only phone the police who wouldnt do anything cos it was a 'domestic'. anyway she's getting sorted now and so will your sister. all families have problems and the ones who don't are probably lying :)

    i didnt say before but you are the first bulimic i have spoke to about my bulimia so i'm really pleased to talk to you...
    xxx grace
  8. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    Gosh, sorry to hear that happened to your sister! Especially around Christmastime. That time of year is stressful enough. I hope that she is better now and doesn't have to deal with him anymore!

    You know I am so glad that you answered my original post. You are the first bulimic I have talked to about this as well. It is nice to talk to someone who UNDERSTANDS!!!!

    I am going to a new therapist on Monday and will be talking to her about it and about what is going on with my family. I have a really screwed up family and they stress me out so much!

    You know the point you made about me starting this up again because it is the one thing I CAN control, you are so right on. I didn't even think about that. Great point! I will talk to my therapist about that on Monday.

    Well, I hope to talk to you soon and I hope that you are doing great!! I am very glad that we have met!!

    (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

    Julie

    P.S. If you have stuff that is on your mind or need to talk to someone, I am here for you! I have a small shoulder but big enough for tears! :)
  9. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    how are you doing?
    sorry i took a while to get back, my daughter has been visiting us this weekend, we had such a great time i wish she could have stayed longer.
    i hope everything goes well with your new therapist tomorrow, let me know....
    i'll be thinking about you
    xxx grace
  10. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    i know you posted to julie but i just wanted to reply because my heart goes out to you. i also have a daughter who has problems and it tears me apart that i cant make it better for her.
    i wonder if you would be able to get her to go to see a doctor with your other daughter. that may be a start for her.
    maybe you could find a site like this for bulimics and send it her the address through your other daughter, that may help if she can talk to people who are in the same situation.
    my thoughts are with you
    xxx grace

  11. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    how did your visit with the therapist go?
    i hope it went well and you are doing ok
    xxx grace
  12. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    First I just want to say that I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. My heart really goes out to you and I am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. I truly mean that!

    As for trying to help your daughter.....there really isn't to much you can do other then letting her know that you love and care for her know matter what she is doing! That is very important. Seeing a therapist would be very benificial for you her as well.

    I know you said that she doesn't know that you know, but I think it is time that you and her sit down and talk. Believe it or not, we desperately NEED help and want help. It is such an inner struggle with ourselves and we feel gulity and shameful about what we are doing. It may feel good while we are doing it but that "high" doesn't last very long!

    I am so glad that I have at least my husband for support. I tried crying out for help to my Mother when I was 22 and she just pretends that it was never talked about. That hurts more then anything. I need her to acknowledge that something is going on still to this day and she won't.

    As you probably read up a few posts, my little sister has just entered Bradford for drug abuse. When my Mother and I were talking about it I tried to talk to her about my "problem" too. She doesn't see that food can be a problem. It can just like drugs and alcohol.

    Something that would be good for you daughter as well is finding a support group in your area. I know that Over- eaters anonymous can help her but try to find a group geared directly toward Bulimia and Anorexia.

    Believe it or not they actually go hand in hand. For instance some days I will go as long as possible without eating and then binge really bad and purge. When I am eating "regularly" I get stressed and will even purge a perfectly healthy meal. I mostly just use my Bulimia as my way of dealing with the world and stresses. At least I think at this point.

    I am still trying to figure this thing out and am trying to get help. I don't want this to ruin my marriage or make me any sicker then I already am.

    As for why your daughter does what she does, well it could be a lot of different things. Something traumatic could have happened to her or maybe she uses this to deal with stress. I am not an expert.

    I just know that I started doing this after I was raped at the age of fifteen. I felt that what happened was my fault and I needed to take control. This disease has a lot to do with feeling the need to be in control.

    I am so sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your post. I also am very sick with Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia. This has been a really hard week for me and I didn't have the energy to check my messages on here.

    I do hope that this helps and will be more than willing to help again. You always have Grace and I to help you the best way we know how. We have shoulders that you can cry on!

    Please keep me updated on how your daughter is doing and how you as a parent are handling this. Good luck sweetheart and again, your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

    (((HUGS))) Julie

  13. Julibug0

    Julibug0 New Member

    Hey there sweetie! I am so sorry I haven't written until now. I have been sooooooo sick this week! My Fibro has really flared up and I am STILL recovering from my surgery.

    I couldn't make it to my therapist appointment on Monday because I had an awful migraine and couldn't drive. I rescheduled it for the 4th. I can't wait to see her because I have a lot to talk about! LOL

    I hope you are doing well! I don't know if you go to the chat rooms much but I was in there earlier this week hoping to see you on there.

    I don't go very often though. I usually am a part of the fibro room but quit going for awhile because not very many people have a positive attitude. I think I am one of the few. LOL

    Anyway, let me know how you are doing! I have been thinking of you this week and hoping that your spirits are up.

    If you ever need to talk about anything, please don't hesitate, I don't have that big of a shoulder but it is yours if you want it! I know life can kind of get to us every now and then.

    Hope to talk to you soon dear! ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))

    Julie
  14. gracesroses

    gracesroses New Member

    sorry to hear you've not been having a good week,i hope things are on the mend for you now.
    sorry aswell that you missed your appointment with your therapist, you have so much stress with your illnesses and your family right now i really hope things start looking up for you soon. the 4th isnt too far off and i'm here if you need to vent.
    i was so pleased to read your post today, your such a sweety, i've been a bit off the past couple of days, i dont know why. i should be so happy now, me and my daughter are good friends again, she's doing so well now she's starting a uni course soon i'm so proud of her. my other kids and hubby are great, but silly things are making me really upset and tearful. i wonder if its the time of the month or maybe the rainy weather....
    anyway the last episode of friends is showing here tonight so i'm gonna watch that and have a good laugh and a good cry probably....then have a bath with some essential oils in and an early night with a good book. maybe tomorrow the sun will be shining and i'll feel better.
    i hope it will be shining for you also.
    hope to hear from you soon
    xxx grace
  15. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I have an eating disorder, but not the normal. Mine is that I eat too much! I am serious. I am a diabetic and know how important it is to watch what you eat. My father had a leg amputated due to diabetes and ended up dying from end stage renal failure caused by diatetes.

    But.... knowing all that, I still eat. I eat out of boredom and depression ... and because I love chocolate, ice cream, and donuts. I do not have any will power and it's slowly killing me.

  16. suggigirl

    suggigirl New Member

    I also have bulimia. I haven't purged in a couple of years but the thoughts are with me almost daily. It's a constant struggle not to give in to it. Sometimes I still binge...maybe that's the wrong word. I think it's more a matter of 'over eating'....or somewhere in the middle of the two. Make sence?

    Anyhow...counseling was the step I needed to stop purging. I wish I could get counseling again. NOt just for bulimia but also FM, depression, ect.ect.

    My thoughts are with you.
    suggi