Anyone meet their Husband or Wife while having FMS or CFS.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DoveL, Jul 16, 2011.

  1. DoveL

    DoveL Member

    Just curious; Has anyone met their Husband or wife while being sick with CFS and or FMS?

    I am a women in her early 40's who has CFS and FMS. I have become 'better', but not well over the years. I work 18 hours a week, but do not pay rent or am able to 'fully support' myself.

    I just got out of an 8 year relationship It was my choice-and it was very hard to do :( I did not want out, but could not take the 'mental abuse' anymore, and he was not willing to change his 'habits'. I was using all of my 'good days' and energy on him (shame on me!)

    90% of my social life was thru him, as I am limited with energy. I do have 2 good friends (girlfriends-but they have their own busy life) Now I am feeling very depressed and alone. I cannot even function mentally right now; but I know like everything else, I will 'overcome' this, as life always 'goes on'.

    Anyone out there meet a nice husband or wife while having this illness? I would really like to eventually find a nice guy and get married. It was hard enough finding a guy when I was well.......Now with this 'unaccepted illness in society', and feeling like a 'loser' not being able to participate in 'normal activities. I am going to try and work on my self-esteem right now. But for the future, who knows.

    Any feedback or tips would be appreciated.

  2. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    Yes, i met my husband while i was sick with CFS/FMS. I was 23 at the time. We have been married 33 years and while i am still sick, we love each other and have weathered the storms somehow!

    He is very supportive and understands my illness as much as one can who doesn't have these DD's. It is very hard at times but doable.

    Take care,
  3. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Dear Dovel,

    I was saddened to hear that you are having to get over an 8-year relationshop with having to deal with all of these DD's at the same time. It is normal to be depressed when a long-term relationship ends whether it is for the best or not. I am proud of you for being optimistic enough to say that you will get over this in time!

    My husband and I were high school sweethearts who got back together after 23 years. We had both been married and divorced and still had love in our hearts for each other so our relationship grew very quickly and we moved in together after only 2 months! We have been married for 9 years now and he is "the love of my life"! When we first got together I had Panic Disorder and IBS. 1 year later I was dx'd with CFS and fibro.

    My hubby has been very supportive and loving through all of my health issues. I was recently dx'd with Bipolar II so we have another journey to embark upon. I feel that he makes me "better" just by caring and understanding all that I go through. I think that if it is possible for me to find true love it's possible for anyone! Don't worry, your man will come along when the time is right! You just need to take care of yourself and give yourself some time and make sure you have high expectations when you do meet someone. You deserve it!

    I'm sure you will get a lot of positive replies from this post. Good luck and take care of yourself,

    Hugs, Julie

  4. place

    place New Member

    I was married and it ended due to my illness. My last year of marriage I got dx and got treatment and got better. But the damage was done to the marriage.

    I did Eharmony and met my twin. We just got married last October. When I have my down days, no problem.

    it can happen... but I think you need to work on yourself and get better before you can get involved in a functional relationship. If you can't give to yourself, you won't be able to give to your spouse.
  5. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Dovel!

    Just thought I would check in and see how you are doing! Are you feeling any better with the depression? I was clinically depressed years back before I got sick and it was awful. Then I got back together with my wonderful hubby after all of those years and he is so helpful when I am extremely down! I would talk to a counselor or psychiatrist about your struggles and also your 2 good girlfriends. Don't be afraid to reach out when you really need it, I know it will help you a lot!

    Faith and Peace, Julie
  6. shanwill

    shanwill Member

    I had a 8 yr relationship end whilst I was sick and thought my life was literally over. The thought of dating with CFS terrified me and I believed I wouldn't met anyone who would accept it or me. I was healthy in my previous relationship (8 yr one) and got sick half way in. It was just too hard to accept the new me - probably for both of us really...

    Anyway, almost 3 yrs ago I met a wonderful man online. I didn't tell him right away about the CFS as I didn't want to be labelled and I wanted someone to know me - outside the illness. We got to know eachother slowly, and little by little I'd tell him some information. Once I was comfortable and trusted him more I told the everything and it didn't make a difference to him. He hates seeing the down days, but understands and supports me regardless. We got married a year and a half ago and I am defiantely a happier, more fulfilled person for having him as my partner.

    I am still sick - on year 8 now.....bah! It sucks. But I honestly thought I would be alone and am so happy now to have someone help weather this storm with me. I think part of the key is to not be defined by the illness - it is not who you are, just a part of you. My husband always says that there may be women out there that could run circles around me, be super active etc, but they wouldn't be me. That's what you have to focus on. We still have an awful lot to give.

    I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.
  7. DoveL

    DoveL Member

    Hello Everyone!

    I thank you so much, each and every one of you for taking your time to write and post to me (and for sharing your stories)! You have helped to 'lift my spirits' and give me hope. :)

    Thank U Earthdog , for checking up on me too. The depressions does stink (caused by this illness & everyday relationships & struggles-I am sorry that you went thru a depression too :( but glad you came out alright! :) I am going to take your advice and see a therapist so I can 'vent; for now. I have not really touched on the details with too many people as to what is going on. I know that everyone has their own problems, and I don't want to be the type of person to be 'bad mouthing' my relationship that was past.

    Of course I am not 'looking' for anyone right now...and not for a LONG time. I know that life is about 'change', but the hard part is 'accepting' the change.

    I am reading this great book to help me thru alot: You cannot Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams. I have had this book for years, and use it thru tough times. I would recommend it. Also has some great quotes in it. (see below)
    Thank you again!

    In Spite of Illness,
    in spite even
    of the archenemy sorrow.
    one can remain alive
    long past the usual
    date of disintegration
    if one is unafraid of change,
    insatiable in intellectual curiosity,
    interested in big things,
    and happy in small ways.

    -Edith Wharton

    [This Message was Edited on 07/18/2011]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/18/2011]
  8. kezzluvscats

    kezzluvscats New Member

    20yrs ago i was thin,fit and healthy. I even went to the gym alot. I am lucky as my x would have sent me to suicide. However my friend met her boyfriend and she has fms and lupus. she never thought after her former partner died from cancer. she is in her 40's. She actually got with a man who owns an aqurium shop. She got into tropical fish for a hooby... Good Luck i hope you met a man that will love you and take care of you.