Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by dejovu, Sep 30, 2006.

  1. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    Dear sister, sorry it's taken so long to get back to you.

    I think that for us who had less than a good childhood, it is common to want to make our lives the best we can.

    My kids are my best friends and I love them unconditionly.
    Something I never had.

    I did that in my marriage but it could not survive. My husband had no desire to be married to a sick person.

    I had a silent laugh when I read your post. You were saying you were a strong woman. I had just been praying for you and telling Jesus that you were such a strong person.

    You may not have unconditional love from hubby but you do from our Lord.

    I live for that. We are blessed to know, we have that no matter what.

    Even when we feel like crap, he is there in our heart. He is always telling us how MUCH he loves us.

    How unbearable life would be with out that. I could not survive without his reassurace.

    Even the bad days leave me says, Dearest Jesus you handle this, I don't want to and I can not.

    You are so special to me and I will always keep a prayer on my lips for you. Blessings dear one. DE

  2. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Thank you for the kind words , thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to me. Some days I am strong and have a grip. Other days I succumb to feeling like a child again, lost and confused.

    I had my teen age rebellion at age 49. Nobody ever stood up to my mother before, or since. So she removed me permanently from my father and sister. What weak people they were and have been that they would just about destroy a life in order to maintain the wicked one on her throne. So sad, they have missed much. I am not a perfect person. My deeds are fine, but I do have bad thoughts.

    And, I can't rid myself of the fact that if a person's own mother can't love them, then they must be truly unlovable.

    I realize that a shrink could have a field day with my psychee. But I pray and ask God to guide me. And, because my life is lacking in one area, I make up for it by being the best possible mother and grand mother than I can be.

    Thanks for caring De.
  3. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    Are you sure we're not
    Sounds like we had the same mother. Unfortunately I had 2 that were just alike ironically. I truly felt unloved and unwanted. My brother and I were black market babies and were adopted by a couple who were not suppose to "legally" be able to adopt children. When I was about 21 I got up the nerve to ask my adoptive mother why she bothered to keep us since she obviously didn't want us...she said that we could be "useful" to her. That was how we were raised.

    Took years to learn and still I have questions that I really know that God is our heavenly Father and the best parent ever and loves us beyond anything we can imagine. HE will deal with those that have hurt us as long as we let go and LET GOD!

    Love Ya
  4. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Wow, quite a story. Makes me feel like I must have had a walk in the park . A pushy mother, money was her first priority in life. I was a puppet for her. She dressed me up, had me perform. I was merely supposed to be an extension of what she herself wanted to be.

    I can't imagine your story. Alas, you could write a book. In fact I read a book some years back, now it is only available on like Amazon as used. It was called the "Emotionally Abused Woman" by Beverly Engle. I high lighted as I read it... there were chapters I felt were written just for me!

    Praise we can pray for each other and try and support even though we each have our own set of special "circumstances".

    I had my own prayer service this morning once the husband went out. I played all the requested hymns, I wonder how I can feel both uplifted and sad at the same time.

    I just hope I did a better job at mothering than what I received. I have only two children. I think I did.

    Prayers to you Nancy.
  5. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    I'm sure you were a much better mother than your own. We really could have been sisters, my mother was all about money too. I have always said of my mother that if you have a dime she wants 9 cents of it, then she wants to tell you how to spend the last penny.

    I didn't give my hym request because I saw you had so many, but reading the post made me think of my friend Tom that passed and he sang my favorite..It Is Well With My Soul. The choir sang it at his service when he passed.

    Well, it was good talking to ya again and thanks for the prayers. I keep you in mine also.
  6. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Such a shame to terrorize children. Yes, I hope we did better than our mother's. My parents still alive in the south, 87 and 84.

    Husband is lurking. BUT, I will definitely play "It is Well With My Soul" tomorrow when he goes to work. I don't know why but I feel like my playing should be private. He is a man who shows no emotion, I am not sure he would understand my need of ministry in this small way.