ashamed to say..but i think i found out 1 reason for bad flare up

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Momskelleygirl, Aug 23, 2003.

  1. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    I noticed this the last time my 16 year old went to see his dad. I was having pretty good days, then he came back, and i slowly got worse, then last week i had the worst flare to date. didn't think i would ever get better.

    Thursday he went to denver with his girlfriend and her family,and was supposed to be home around 4 am, still had bad night and the same old moring of hsving to hsvre peole strecth me knees out and lift my back out of bed.

    He called yesterday and said they might not get home until monday morning until 5 am. And o am ashame to say it but i got the best night =s rest in three weeks, got out of bed with no help, suffering from little pain. Only complaint is a bad migraine.

    Don't get me wrong I love my 16 year old Tony, but he stresses me out to no end. he is dx as bi-polar, manic depressive (SP?) so i never know what is going to happen.

    I don't know what to do with him. his olde brother and sister tell me to put him in a foster home, but i think that would give me a flare uo with no end, he refuses to live with his dad, because he knows he gets into too much trouble. So we aree thinking of trying to get hi amacipated, since he thinks he can do it on his own.

    Right now i am at my wits end. he know i can;t take stress, but if he gets a chance, he willdo something to upset my mom or his little brother to get my attention,

    and i just don;t know what t do.

    kelley
  2. IgotYou

    IgotYou New Member

    You're a good mom or his condition wouldn't stress you out so much. It's pretty well-known that stress of all kinds causes flares. My family situation (brother and dad) contributed significantly to my current flare. Just because you're stressed out by family doesn't make you a bad person! Besides, we tend to be more stressable than others.
  3. Ahorsesoul

    Ahorsesoul New Member

    You have done a fine job raising your children. Each one is different in how they act towards life. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let them try out their wings.
  4. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    Kelley, I have a 15 year old daughter dx'd Asperger (mild autism) and we think she is also schizophrenic. My husband is an undiagnosed untreated bi-polar lunatic. So I know EXACTLY what you mean about the flares. My worst flares revolve around those two. My other daughter thank God is normal. I am just now getting over a flare up I had last week, my husband took the kids to Six Flags and he got in an altercation there and punched out the security guard. The next day I couldn't even get out of bed I was so ill over it, my body felt it had been run over by a truck.

    Try if you can disassociate yourself from it mentally; I know it's hard. Love yourself and be good to yourself. Surround yourself with positive people.

    Good Luck and best wishes,
    Michelle
  5. atrinigyal29

    atrinigyal29 New Member

    Coping with a family member, especially your own child, who has bipolar is stressful enough, and then to add on the stresses and physical problems related to this DD makes your situation ten times worse. Have you thought about family therapy? There are some therapists who are willing to visit the family at home if you are not able to drive because of your illness.

    If that's not plausible then maybe individual therapy for yourself just to help you deal with the stress related to your son's bi-polar and also the stress related to your own illness. Also, is your son on medication? Does it help? Does he see a psychiatrist, who can prescribe meds for him, on a regular basis to see what meds work best? Well, I hope you and your family can find some solutions soon on how to cope better. Take care and update us on how things are going.
    Alicia
  6. lucky

    lucky New Member

    On top of being ill and the stress of having a sick child or other family members is just too much for our systems to handle for a long period of time. Pls. try not to feel guilty or a bad parent, but the care taking of a bipolar child is even harder to cope with as when you would be healthy.
    I never knew much about such a burden, until I found out that one of my daughter's friends has a 10yr. old boy with this disorder, and without prozac she cannot handle the situation. And she does not have CFS or FMS.
    I am very sorry to read that it is so very hard on you and understand your concern. Lucky
  7. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    I have a brother who is bi-polar, so I can relate to how stressful these people can be. Of course I don't have the responsibility for my brother like you do your son, but my sister is currently using my brother to try and get my other brother's inheritance. (My other brother is also mentally ill with obsessive compulsive distorder. He lives in a group home and I am his guardian). So I can certainly relate to how stressful family members can be! I try to stay away from the bi-polar brother and my sister as much as possible to help lower my stress level.

    You are certainly not a bad mother. As much as I love my OCD brother, there are days when I just can't handle him. I just tell him when I am having a bad day and he understands. Too bad the other two siblings don't respect how I feel with FM.

    Ellen Comstock
  8. LITEFLAMES

    LITEFLAMES New Member

    HI KELLY,
    I WENT TO WRITE YOU THE DAY YOU POSTED THIS , BUT WAS GOING THROW MY FIRST FLARE UP ALL SUMMER TRYED ,BUT COULDN'T THEN FINDING YOU'R POST , AGAINE THANK GOODNESS, WHAT I STARTED TO WRITE DAY;S AGO WAS , HOW INTERESTING ,IT WAS THAT I OPENED YOU'R E-,AIL , WHEN I READ THE POST ,{I THOUGHT }OH YEA LIKE I NEED A NEW RESONE TO HAVE A FLARE UP, ITS AWSOME HOW GOD LEADS US TO WEAR WE NEED TO BE, SO ON W/ MY STOREY TO YOU,,, bEFORE YOU wONDER ABOUGHT WHY I HAVENT HAD A FLARE IN 3 MTHS LET ME TELL YOU WHY, BACK IN NOV, I WENT INTO MY FAMILY dRS W/ PLUREASY (SPELLING NOT WELL} SORRY ,
    sHE COULDNT BELEAVE HOW FAR DOWN THE FOOD CHIAN , I GOT lol
    SHE HAS KNOWN ME FOR 15 YRS , AND STARTED ME ON OXXI ,, WITCH I MUST SAY HAS GIVIN ME MY LIFE BACK, KIND OF SCARY , MY FIRST FLARE UP SENSE I STARTED IT CAME WHEN I RAN OUT THE FIRST TIME ,GOT A REFILL,AND WAS BLOWN AWAY , WHEN IT WAS GONE, NOT A SYMPTOM, WELL, I NEW OFCORSE IT WAS JUST COVERING IT UP , BUT ,{I WAS THRILLED, aND SCARED THAT IT WAS THAT STONG, OK ENOF OF THAT WHEN I READ YOU LETTER , AND STARTED RIGHTING YOU AND LIKE I SAID WAS IN I GESS THE WORST FLARE YET , BECOUSE , I STILL FELT IT , ANYWAY I COULDNT BELEAVE WHAT YOU WEAR RIGHTING & HOW YOU'R SITUATION & MINE ARE THE SAME , MY 15 SOON TO BE 16 YR OLD HAD TO BE REMOVED FROM OUR HOME LAST APRIL, ADHD ,HORRABLE,I HAD TRYED EVERYTHING UNDER THE SON TO TRY TO GET THIS KID TO UNDERSTAND MOM JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT , WELL AT LUNCH ON DAY W/ A VERY GOOD FRIEND , SHE SAID CINDY ,I KNOW YOU LOVE YOU'R SON, SHE ADVISED ME TO GIVE IT 1 YR , DO EVERYTHING & ANYTHING I COULD TO WORK THIS OUT , AND AT THE END OF THAT YR ,IF THINGS DIDNT CHAGE , HE WOULD HAVE TO GO LIVE W/ HIS DAD, IT BROKE MY HART , BUT KELLI BY THIS TIME , I WAS IN A FLARE ONCE A WEEK IN BED FOR 4-5 DAYS AT A TIME, WHEN HE WOULD BE GONE FOR ANY LINTH OF TIME I WOULD GET BETTER, EVERYONE INCLUDING MY HUSBAND W/ HAS BEEN MY SONS FATHER SENSE HE WAS 18 MTHS OLD TOLD ME CINDY CANT YOU SEE WHATS GOING ON, WELL , I TOOK IT SERIUSLY,,,
    I GOT US INTO COUNSEALING, NOTHING, A PROGRAME CALLED THE DEVERSHTION PROG, W/ WAS SO HARD ON US A A FAMILY & EVEN HARDER ON HIM, IN ORDER TO GET HIM IN I WOULD HAVE TO PRESS POLICE CHARGES ON HIM,WITCH I DIDNT THINK I COULD , WELL THE DAY CAME AS I KNEW IT WOULD , IN ONE OF HIS DAILY MORNING RAGES!!!!! HE PUSHED ME ,,REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL, MY HUSBAND BY THIS TIME, HAD SAID IT WAS UP TO ME TO HANDLE HIM, WELL HE EVEN LOST IT WENT TO GRAB HIM OFF THE COUCH, MY SON JERKED AWAY RIPING HIS SHIRT , AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!!WELL I CALLED THE POLICE , W/ IN TURN GOT HIM IN THIS HARD CORE PROGRAME , MAKING HIM RESPONSABLE FOR HIS SCHOOL, GRADES HOUSE AREST IF UNDER A C- ASIMENT LISTS & CONSAQUENSES,,,, IT WAS HARD ON ALL OF US , BUT HE WAS SO AFRAID OF THE CASE WORKER , THAT TOLD HIM , {YOU BLOW IT AND , YOU BUT WILL BE PUT IN JAIL, WELL WE EVEN HAD RULES TO FOLLOW AS HIS PARENTS ,WE DID, IT WORKED FOR ABOUGHT 2 MTHS AND THAT WAS IT, I TALKED TO MY SON , I TOLD HIM BOTTOM
    LINE DANIEL, AT THE TIME I WAS TURNING 39 AND , I WAS SO SICK {LITTERLY, AND BY NOW WAS WORRIED MY HUSBAND WOULD HAVE A HART ATTACK,WE JUST COULDNT TAKE IT ANY MOOR , SO I HAD A LONG TALK W/ HIM , AND TOLD HIM , YOU'R DAD {STEP DAD} SHAKES EVERYTIME HE WALKS IN THIS HOME AND IS HAVING CHEST PAINS , THAT I LOVED HIM BUT THIS WAS IT ,GET A GRIP OR YOU'R OUT OF HEAR, I THOUGHT I GOT THROW , IT WASNT A WEEK LATER,,,, WE HAD ANOTHER MAJORE BLOW UP, WELL KELLI , THAT DAY THE SCHOOL ALSO CALLED , HE WAS IN TROUBLE THEAR TO FACING BEING KICKED OUT , THE PRINSABLE , EVEN SAID HE'S A GOOD KID , BUT JUST CAN'T CONTROLE HIM SELF , WELL I TOLD HIM WHAT HAD BEEN GOING ON FOR THE LAST YR, HE DIDNT WANT ME TO SEND DANIEL TO HIS DAD'S ,,,{HELL EATHER DID I BUT SOMTIME DURING THAT DAY I SAID ENOF IS ENOF, WHEN HE CAME HOME HE KNEW HIS PRINSABLE HAD CALLED W/ MENT HOUSE AREST,{AND HAD TOLD HIM WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUGHT SENDING HIM TO HIS DAD'S ,WELL I OPENED THE DOOR WHEN HE GOT OFF THE BUS, HE HAD THAT IT WASNT MY FALT LOOK!!! I SAID WELL SON BEFORE YOU COME IN I WANT YOU TO KNOW , YOU'R GOING TO LIVE W/ YOU'R DAD, WELL HE SAID {FINE } TRYED PUSHING PAST ME , i'LL JUST GET MY STUFFFFFF, nO NEED ITS ALL PACKED ,aND YOU'R STEP DAD WILL KNOW BRING YOU TO YOU'R DAD'S AND OUT THE DOOR THEY WENT, PLEASE HE BEGGED ME , IT BROKE MY HART, I DIDNT SLEEP FOR DAY'S CRYED ALL THE TIME,,BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE KNOW ITS BEEN 1&1/2 YRS,,, WE GET ALONG PRETTY WELL
    , OFCORSE HIS DAD IS A ATIVE DRUNK, W/ MADE IT ALL SO MUCH WORSE, AND DOSNT LIVE ON A GOOD SIDE OF TOWN, BUT THIS IS WHAT I HAD TO DO , IT WAS THAT OR LOSE THE WHOLE FAMIALY UNIT, I HAVE 4 CHILDREN 2 THAT WEAR 7& 8, THEY OFCORSE HATED ME FOR AWHILE , HOW COULD YOU DO THAT MOMMY,
    BUT ANYWAY , HIS GRAMA LIVES RIGHT DOWN THE STREET , SO HES W/ HER ALOT/ A TRUE GOD SEND,
    BUT LET ME TELL YOU KELLI , THIS HOUSE HAS NEVER HAD THE PEACE ITS HAD , IN THE LAST YR & SO,,,, I LOVE MY SON W/ ALL OF MY HART ,AND WOULD DIE FOR ANY OF MY CHILDREN, BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN, IT WAS CRASY HEAR EVERY NIGHT & DAY,,,NOW HE BEGS ME TO BRING HIM BACK, IT WONT HAPPEN, HE GETS WORSE THEN BETTER /SAME OLD STUFF, BUT WE KNOW HAVE A HEALTHER RELASHIONSHIP,,, AND HE'LL BE GOING TO A TRAINING SCHOOL {VOCASHIOAIL } NEXT YR, SO TO NOT BORE YOU , i KNOW I'M NOT, BUT THINGS WILL BE OK, YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOU'R HEALTH, OR YOU CANT HELP ANYONE
    GOD BLESS YOU & GOOD LUCK , KEEP ME POSTED , IM HEAR FOR YOU IF YOU NEED TO VENT
    LITEFLAMES {CINDY}
    BUMP
  9. westernstar

    westernstar New Member

    I can sympathize Kelly. My 14-year-old son has suffered from depression for the last two years and has been hospitalized 4 times. He's been in trouble with the law and at school. During this time my fibro has been at its worst and I've had it for 20 years. Don't feel ashamed; it's just a fact that stress aggravates this condition. You and your family will be included in my prayers. Take life one day at a time. You might want to read, "Lost Boys and Mothers Who Love Them" and "Tough Love". Those two books have helped me and my husband.
    Lindy
  10. LAFR

    LAFR New Member

    it's being a parent that is causing flare ups it's the most stressfull and hardest job in the world !!!I don't care what anyone says!!!!!!!! They never told us that in school did they.....Don't do something you will regret.. Yours son is a teen (the hardest time it seems at the time) before you know it he will be gone (all grown up) and you will miss him..maybe a parenting class on teenagers would help you...call social services and ask if they have a class in your area..it's worth a try....flare ups can and will pop up at anytime...he just seems to be streessing you out at this time....my 3 kids and husband do that to me everyday..so I'm right there with ya. I know I can't wait for them to go to school and work I can relax ( I dread when they come home (that's awful huh?) ) this FM stinks my nerves are shot....but all you can do is try to think positve and try to cope..which I know at times is very hard..women are programed to worry alot...stinks huh!!! good luck don't give up!!!!!!
  11. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOU KIND WORDS, LOVE, AND SUPPORT.

    WHEN EVER I START FEELING GUILTY, I WILL COME BACK TO THIS POST AND READ IT AGAIN, TO GIVE ME STRENGHT AND HOPE

    WITH LOVE
    KELLEY
  12. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I read your post and I would really love to talk with you on the phone, deeply personal and I don't want to get into it here, can you pls eamil me @ onthegreen@owt.com.

    I would love to communicate a bit about the whole guilt about parenting thing, it is a very tough one and I could really use someone to talk with who has been there and maybe I can say something wise to you.

    Jaci
  13. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I am sorry I missed this post of yours. It is a hard thing when you have a problem with a child or family member. Its so difficult for us to make them understand what they are doing to us physically and mentally.

    I do not know anything about Bipolor, other than its a serious illness. But isn't there meds that can control the behavior? I am asking, as I do not know personally anything about this.

    It sounds like he does not want to live with his father, as his father will no doubt not put up with his bad behavior, but since he is still under age he can be forced to do so anyway.

    I would try that first, as for a foster home from the sound of your post, that is only going to make you feel worst. I know if I were in your situation, it would just about kill me.

    Is it possible to have him put in a an all boys boarding school? I know of a lot of young unruly children that this has been a great way to give them a lot of disipline and it has changed many of thems attitude toward family. Most were happy to go back home and behave themselves!

    This is just a suggestion, as I do not know your circumstances.

    I do know, that to keep him home is not doing your health any good.

    I would not feel guilty as for being a bad parent, these days many people have children they can't seem to get under control. I remember not long ago, that someone on this board said that they were actually afraid of their son.

    Do not feel guilty, you, I am sure are doing the best you can, and thats about all any of us can do.

    I will keep you in my prayers for your boy. Thats a hard place you are in for sure.

    Shalom, Shirl





  14. dbkester

    dbkester New Member

    I realized a few years ago that stress causes my FM to get worse. Neurontin has helped me alot.
  15. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    IN THE LAST 3 YEARS HW=E HAS BEEN IN 5 HOSPITAL BOTH HERE, AND IN CALIFORNIA WITH HIS FATHER, HERE IN COLORADO TWICE THEY TRIED THE QUICK FIX, (TWO TO FOUR WEEKS,) SAME IN CALIFORNIA. tHIS LAST TIME I KEPT TELLING THEM HE WAS A GOOD ACTOR AND NEEDEDE A LOT MORE THAN A FEW WEEKS. SO THEY SENT HIM FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER, ALTOGETHER HE SPENT FOUG MONTHES, AND ALL THE SO CLLED SPECIALLIST, WHO COULD SEE THROUGH THE ACTORS (LOL) SAID WITH HIS MEDS, FAMILY SESSIONS, AND ONE ON ONE SESSIONS FOR HIM THINGS WOULD WORK OUT FINE. HA!!!HE MADE IT TO 2 SESSIONS (1,WAS FAMILY, HE WENT TO ONE BY HIM SELF,HE MISSED 2 OTHERS,BECAUSE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, SO THEY WILL NO LONGER TAKE HIM ON AS A PATIONT. AS FOR HIS MEDS, HE TAKES THE ONES HE WANTS AND ONLY AT NIGHT, SO HE CAN SLEEP. AND YES AT TIMES I'M AFRAID OF HIM AND THE LAST TIME HE HAD A LITTLE FIT, I DON;T KNOW HOW I DID IT, BUT I HELD HIM BACK, GOD ALWAYS SEEMS TO HELP ME MOSTWHEN I NEED HIM. I'VE TALKED TO HIM ABOUT A PLACE THAT HELPS RUN AWAY TEENS,GET THEIR G.E.D., HELP THEM LEARN WHAT THEY WANT TO DO, HELP THEM GET A JOB, AND A PLACE TO STAY, SO I THINK THAT WOULD BE THE BEST THING FOR HIM,MAYBE WHEN HE THINKS ABOUT IT HE WILL CHANGE HIS MIND. AS FOR THE FLARE UP. THE MANAGER DIDN'T GIVE US A 30 DAY NOTICE BECAUSE TONY IS NOT EVEN SUPPOSSED TO VISITE ME HERE, JUST AFRAID WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT HE STAYS HERE,

    DIDN'T MEAN TO RIGHT A BOOK, BUT RIGHTING HERE ALWAYS MAKES ME FELL I CAN DO ANY THING.

    AND ALL OF THESE GOOD THOUGHT, AND KIND WORDS, REAJJY DO HELP WITH THEE STRESS

    SO THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE HELP, TONIGHT, I WILL BE ABLR TO SLEEP BETTER THAN IN A LONG TIME.

    WITH ALL MY PRAYERS, THOGHTS, AND LOVE,
    KELLEY