at my wit end with my 6 yr old

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Aeronsmom, Oct 18, 2007.

  1. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    I just received a phone call from the vice principal from his school, she informed me that he had head butted another child and the child was bleeding from the lip and has a fat lip now,

    and the vice principal asked my son why he did it and if he felt bad, my son said he doesn't know why he did it and said he didn't feel bad about doing this....this scares the crap out of can he not feel bad about hurting another child???

    my son has become so angry, yells at us, stomps away, slam doors, raises his fist to us..I don't know what has gotten in to him..we have sat him down and talked with him to see if anything is bothering him or if he is being bothered by anyone at school and he tells us "NO".... I am totally shocked that he is acting like this, he is a very very smart child, he gets A's in school..he is in grade 2 and his reading level is a grade 4-5..... what should we do...I am so heart broken about this...this is my baby!!

    Love to all, Ann
  2. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Ann, I don't know your son's history, so I could be totally off base here. I'm just going to offer some thoughts.

    You have a very impulsive bright child-----has any of his teachers suggested that you have him tested for ADD or ADHD?

    SOMETHING is going on. A very smart child who is bored in the classroom usually doesn't hurt other children, they think up much more clever things to do. Their antics normally don't hurt others.

    you can ask him if there is something going on, but don't expect him to just divulge the truth. SOMETHING is going on. Either a child is unmercifully picking on him, or an adult is making him feel very uncomfortable, or someone has told him something that is very disturbing----

    I'm assuming your son didn't used to act this way.

    I'm suggesting that you talk to his teachers and ask if they suspect anything or have any suggestions. I'd consider taking him to a counselor and getting to the bottom of this. You don't want him ostracized (sp?) by the other children or you will have an additional set of issues to deal with. The sooner you can get to the bottom of this, the better.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    similar to Joyfully's. Perhaps some bully or adult has him frightened into silence.

    It's so painful when our kids are in trouble, and we don't know what to do.

    Good luck.

  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    go to professionals that work w/children in psychiatry....

    i don't know if your are divorced or not...i should read you bio...but that can make children act out...

    talk to teacher as well...see is she notices things.

  5. 4everkid

    4everkid New Member

    My oldest son was like this - dangerously impulsive. He was also very intelligent and super active. He may have been ADHD. I had him tested once, but they told me he wasn't. Back then they weren't giving out Ritalin as freely as now. Later in High School, he insisted he had an attention problem, went to the doc, got some Ritalin and it definitely helped him.

    As a small child he was very aggressive and impulsive. He was not trying to hurt anyone. He just acted in a very physical way without thinking.

    I would suggest having your son tested. If he really doesn't have anyone or anything bothering him, he may just be frustrated with pent up energy that he can't control.
  6. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I would look for professional help with parenting an angry child. There are people who will come to your house and make an assessment of what's going on who can help you come up with a plan. Most of all, I would just keep trying different strategies and never give up. This is definitely a challenge but I think there are ways to help him learn better ways to deal with his anger.

    As much as possible try to stay calm and in control. Think of The Dog Whisperer, if you've ever watched that show. You and your husband need to be the pack leaders.

    There are many good books out there and probably web sites that can give you ideas too. Enlist the help of his teacher, it may help to have a 3-way conference with him present and let the teacher give strategies for helping him handle his behavior successfully in the classroom. You, your husband and his teacher should work as a team with a reward/punishment system. I'm sure his teacher would be only too happy to do this, having been one myself.

    His teacher could give you weekly reports on his behavior and rewards could be given for good behavior. Usually the best reward for a child is time spent with his parents doing something fun, that's actually what children crave. Miniature golfing, picnics, that kind of thing. Sometimes he could invite a friend too.

    Of course, it depends on your health. You may have to do rewards that you can participate in if you are unable to go out like playing games indoors or projects or letting him have a friend sleep over.

  7. Aeronsmom

    Aeronsmom New Member

    for your replies I really appreciate it very much..another incident happened at school Friday and I will be meeting with the principal and vice principal, his teacher, my son and myself and hopefully we can get to the bottom of what is going on.

    Love to all, Ann
  8. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Hi Ann,

    There are so many good replys here about the problem with your son. Yes, do have him tested for ADD/ADHD or possibly some other thing(s) that might be troubling him. Poor little guy ! Try to get him checked out as soon as you can. The earlier the better I say for sure.

    God bless and good luck. Keep us informed please.

  9. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I have 2 boys so I know how difficult this can be. Is the the first time your son has done something like this? Has he ever been violent at home? Does he usually fight with other siblings/cousins/friends in your presence?

    If not, my guess is that there is an issue at school. My son is 8 and is very much like yours. He is very friendly, smart, witty, funny. When I started to get notes and phone calls from his teacher when he was in 1st grade, I was terrified. He was coming home with toys that weren't his, and we had small amts of $$ missing. Turns out, he was hanging with another kid that I really didn't want him hanging with - there was something I didn't like. He was stealing $$ to buy these toys from this kid; then another time, he used the change from a book sale to give to this kid! He lied at first but we got it out of him. My son got in so much trouble here at home, as he is our oldest and we didn't know what to do or what was wrong. After all, he had been in day care and around tons of other kids all his life, and he was never like this before. He is one of the sweetest kids I know.

    The last time I got a call from the school was 2 years ago - he got into a fight with his "friend" and both were called to principal's office. The kid tried stabbing him with scissors, or something. After that, they really weren't as close, and these incidents stopped. They have not been in the same class since then & I haven't had any more problems, and no complaints from his teachers (other than he doesn't know when to stop talking!)

    Don't know if that helps, but I thought I would share since I was just as scared as you are when these things started to happen.
  10. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Sometimes, you just have to spend alot of quiet time with a child before they will "open up" and tell you what is really going on.

    The 2 most important things to remember are:

    1. DO NOT interrupt if he starts talking. Leave the silences hang there. He is judging what he can and can't say by looking and judging your body language and your words.

    You can ask , "how did that make you feel?" or something similar to that, but don't interrupt him.

    2. You MUST NOT outwardly respond to what he is telling you (if it is upsetting news). This is where you learn to curl your toes inside of your shoes when you are trying to appear calm.

    You are dealing with a child who has little "life experience", so his choices and conclusions can be way off base.