At the end of my rope

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FibroFoggiest, Dec 18, 2006.

  1. FibroFoggiest

    FibroFoggiest New Member

    I am new here. I finally had a name put to what is wrong with me. Fibromyalgia. I also think some other things are going on simultaneously, things with objective symptoms the docs can see for themselves. If it weren't for hurting my family I would end my life. Lately I've been trying to think of ways I could do it without hurting anyone or at least a way to lessen the damage it would cause (guilt,stigma,sorrow) to my loved ones. But there just isn't a way to do it without harming others. So, suicide is not an option, I could never do that to my kids especially. I have no support period. My family is tired of me and I'm tired of myself. I was just diagnosed last week after years of trying to find what was wrong with me. I'm 38 years old and I believe my symptoms first started as a teenager. They say Fibromyalgia is not "progressive", but I have gotten progressively worse through the years. I have had mental and emotional problems all my life. My mother was sent to state prison for child neglect when I was 6 yrs old so you know it had to be pretty bad. I'm one of the ones who had depression anxiety, and PTSD before fibromyalgia. My first husband dies of an astrocytoma (brain tumor) after an 8 yr battle. He was an abusive alcoholic but "what kind of wife would leave a husbabd with brain cancer. My middle child was born sick with group B strep and was given a 50% chance of living. He is A-OK now thank god. My second oldest child was diagnosed with leukemia at age 11 in 1998. Thank God she also recovered. over 6 years in remission now. These are just a few of the horrors I've lived through. Right now i'm on state assistance in Ohio in one of the poorest counties and I'm lucky to have a roof over my head. I guess I'm starved for validation and I'm one of the few who actually WANT sympathy. Poor me. I think another 5 days in the psych ward could help. But I doubt it. I could make a mile long list of all the problems I've got going on but this would soon resemble a novel.
  2. u34rb

    u34rb New Member

    FibroFoggiest,

    I think that you've found the best place to be.

    Have you read about the benefit of the Gaifenesin protocol?

    You can get guaifenesin from this site, but you will need to read one of the books on the subject. So hang on, it can only get better!
  3. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    I'm so sorry to hear aobut all of the things you have gone through. Unfortunately that cannot be changed. You can be a blessing to your children however, our children watch how we handle things and they take their cues from us. Fibromyalgia is hard as well as dealing with our past and other issues, but when our children see us trying to better the situation and ourselves, this gives them a sense of security and knowledge that everything will be ok. I know most days my children motivate me to get up and face the day, and not worry things into the ground quite so much. You will find many suggestions on this board, different things work for different people, you will get to a point where you will know that you can handle this.

    God Bless You
  4. springrose22

    springrose22 New Member

    You will find many good ideas on how to make your life with fibro a bit better on here. Many people have done tons of research and share willingly.

    You have already been through a lot, but always remember that we are here, and it is understandable that you get down sometimes. I hope we can offer you some support. Take care. Marie
  5. cct

    cct Member

    FibroFoggiest,

    I think that a lot of people who have been dealing with chronic pain and depression consider suicide. The pain, (physical, mental, and emotional) can just get to be overwhelming sometimes. And it is only made more difficult when those who are suppose to support you (family, friends, doctors)dismiss you and leave you out in the cold. All of it can get to be too painful to handle.

    But somehow we do manage to hang on. Somewhere we find a little help. Something comes along to keep us moving forward.

    You will find help on this message board. (You may also want to consider visiting the "coping" board and the "worship" board and the "chit chat" board at ImmuneSupport.com)

    People here will offer you medical information, friendship, lifestyle ideas, and all sorts of helpful support.

    You have found a new group of friends who understand.

    Many Blessings

  6. ILoveGreen

    ILoveGreen New Member

    Dear Fibrofoggiest:
    I understand your dilemna. I feel your pain. I know what it's like to feel like there's no one there to offer you support. It sounds as if you are the "rock" that everyone around you clings to. You are the person who always knows what to do to help anyone else in need. You have always had the inner strength, the intestinal fortitude, and the perseverance to help others through their crises yet still maintain an air of calm and meanwhile, keep yourself together with energy to spare... Am I right?

    It's a thankless job, and you DON'T have to do it. Trust me, if you continue to try, you will encounter even more serious (personal health) consequences than you have already.

    When I was first Dx'd back in July of 2000, I had to quit working, which left me feeling empty and without purpose wondering what I was supposed to do besides sleep and slowly go out of my mind from lack of stimulation, fun, energy, you know, life as I once knew it. I've heard that if you're feeling bad about the way things are going in your own life, go out and help someone else. It will help take your mind off of your own problems, it might make you feel fortunate, and you might do some good. Well, I can attest to the fact that this "pearl of wisdom" can be poison to a person who, by nature, overdoes for everyone else. I was Dx'd with CFS. I needed to take care of myself. What the hell was I thinking when I was out there trying to take care of everyone else just because I wasn't working? What did I think I had to prove and to whom??? You need to take care of yourself, honey. Like my rheumy told me in the very beginning when she insisted I apply for SSDI: "You don't know how bad this can get!"

    So...if I were you, I'd establish medical documentation (which you've already started by receiving a Dx), keep a daily symptom journal, apply for SSDI/SSI (it took me about two years to actually receive after being denied and having to win an appeal). Maybe contact social services to find about seeing a counselor for the overwhelming amount of emotional burdens you've had to endure on your own over the years, and go from there. Have your kids been involved in big brothers/big sisters, YMCA, or church groups? That might take some of the guilt you're feeling off of your shoulders...knowing that they have their own space to be themselves, have some fun, become exposed to new experiences and enjoy life a bit more than you're able to offer them right now. You are lucky to have kids, and they are lucky to have a mom like you.

    It's OK to need a little validation and want a little sympathy sometimes. If nothing else, just to know you're OK and not alone. Hang in there, at least until tomorrow. Keep telling yourself this every day, and eventually you will find that you don't have to tell yourself any more. I try to tell myself that every day is a good day; some are just better than others. My thoughts are with you.

    Annie