At what point do we just get MAD?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by painintheeverywhere, Sep 13, 2006.

  1. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    Mad that this disease takes so much from us.

    Mad that we have to hurt more than necessary.

    Mad that our finances, friends & family have abandoned us.

    Mad that there is a whole world out there to enjoy and we don't get far enough from home in case we don't feel good or get tired to quickly.

    Mad that we can only accomplish a fraction of what we did in the past.

    Mad that we are treated as unintelligent, emotionally weak,
    mentally unstable.

    I have tried to be so strong and take all the information, rejection and doubt in stride.

    I have taken so many medications, supplements and treatments that I would normally not put in my body.

    I have been nice, understanding, loving, respectful (even to those who have not been to me)...and I am tired of being alright with whatever is sent my way.

    Does it help to get mad and fight this crazy disease? I am getting there! I want my life and my freedom back. I want to make money again and not feel like I am begging for medical care, medications and SSDI. I want to make it easier for others to get these benefits when they desperately need them and I want to make the doctor's get together and agree on the best tests, treatments and cure's for CFS & FMS. Future doctor's should not have to raise their eyebrows at the idea of an invisible disease. It should by now, be VISIBLE!

    I realize I am venting tonight...not sure if I will have the energy and strength to fight the world and disease tomorrow, but if I do.......?????

    Jane
  2. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I am not saying anything you do not know. It is normal to get mad once in a while. Get it out.

    Then take in what is good in your life, and there is good things. Treasure each blessing, even if trivial. I sometimes force myself to smile and soon it is genuine, because I know I look silly making that false smile and that makes me laugh.

    I grieve for what was...and then realize that we all do that through our lifes. It makes me think of "We can never go home again". It would never be the same. We miss it, but we should just be enjoying the memories and making new ones.Even without an illness like ours, everyone seems to experience this.

    I read your profile and you sound like a fun person to be with. You have worked hard all of your life. I am still refining what my "new" life is and not what it was. Any suggestions on how we do this?

    Blessings and Love.........Susan
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I don't know. But I am mad still. I hate being tired all day long so tired that as I watch TV I fall alseep on the couch and then can't sleep at night.

    I hate it that one day my family gets it that MOM gets really tired and has days where her pain is worse and she sleeps alot. And the next day I am getting bi$%^&* at for sleeping all day long and not doing any thing and if I would just exercise , eat better and move more I would lose wieght and not need those darn addictive pain pills that I over use.

    It makes me so angry that when I have to take care of my MOM my family thinks that sicne I have been getting up early in the mornings that I should do it all the time and they dont' get it that after taking care of Mom for over 2 months , driving back and forth to the ER daily for IV therapy .

    Then to have her fall and injure her self and now has a compressin fracture. I get angry because my MOM will not listen to what her doctor tells her to do. HE said to her to take her pain meds every 4 hours even if she didn't think she hurts becasue the pain will build up and will hurt worse and it is so much harder to get undercontrol and she will be more tried from all the pain that she would not have it she did what he said.

    And I get mad at her because she twists his words around to what she wants people to hear, LIke I only need to take my pain pills when I hurt.

    So I ask you this question, how long does it take your pain meds to work and ease your pain when you have not taken them on a schduele and they are not in your system.? For me it takes much longer for any pain relief if I don't take my meds on their scheudle. But that is just me.

    I get angry , mad because no one gets this , I am so tired and have been for so long now that I am getting sick. And of course no one will believe me that I am sick becasue I have a cough that I always have and a sore throat, and a headache. And my chest hurts to breathe. But then that is what the costochronidrits does to my body.

    So now you know what I get mad at, But I still don't know if it the right time?
    Rosemaried
  4. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Oh, Jane, I love this thread. I've so often thought the same thing as I and others here tremble our way along our lives.

    I think it's very important how we "do" mad, though. Lashing out at others or being critical of ourselves will only hurt us. How we can be productively angry is an excellent question! Great thread idea!

    I'll begin here with some ideas and maybe others will add to them:

    1.) Treat yourself with the respect you want from others. Watch how you talk to yourself, what words you use. "That was stupid." "Dummy!" "I'm such an idiot" "I'll never be able to (whatever)".... all that negative self-talk has to stop even if we don't say those things out loud! What happens in our lives is first a thought.

    Give yourself a break by finding quality time for yourself and treating yourself well. Take bubble baths if you can, or have a manicure, get your hair done, rent a feel-good movie, allow yourself a good cry now and then - but have a beginning and an ending. And do not medicate yourself with food.

    2.) Don't settle for a doctor who doubts you or won't treat you with respect. They don't have to be an expert in the field but they must listen and order helpful tests and prescribe carefully.

    3.) Don't accept being around people who disrepect you - unless, I suppose, you're married to them and then you have a whole other problem. lol With others who criticize, learn to smile and walk away. Don't argue; just know that they do. not. know. your reality.

    4.) And I think this is important: We need to distinguish being righteously angry with whining. I know how rotten we feel and how upset we get but I think sometimes we complain too much about something over which no one has control. While it might relieve our own pressure for the moment, I think it puts pressure on others. Get counselling if we need a sounding board - or sound off here.

    I'd be really interested in some thoughts from others on how to direct our anger with our illness without hurting ourselves or someone else.

    Thanks again, Jane.

    Marta
  5. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    Thank you for writing this post.

    I am mad about the way people treat me because I am disabled. The last time I went out in my wheelchair, a man looked away from me while his little son stared at me.

    I do volunteer work by phoning people who are old and sick. They say that I am encouraging to them. But who is encouraging to me? The people I phone tend to feel sorry for me, or else they blame me for my illness (subtle, but there), or else they tell me about what they think I need to do to get better. They're not doctors! I want to be treated as a person, not as a sick person.

    I am angry that I can't read anymore. Not novels. Not fun, light stories that could pass the time. My memory and focus isn't good enough for that. I am angry that my education stopped after high school.

    I am angry that I never learned how to drive. I got sick to young to get behind the wheel. I am angry that I have never been well enough to work. I am angry that I have so few memories, while others have lived a lifetime. I am angry (though sympathetic) when people complain to me about their medical problems.

    I am frustrated that this is my life. That I lie in a virtual stupor for half the day, and then am awake all through the dark, boring, lonely night.

    It's right to be angry when something's hurting you.
    (( )) Shannon
  6. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    sad that my best friend who i was always there for has ditched me.

    sad that when she does call it is a short conversation and then says she will call me back and dont.

    sad that when i call her she dont pick up or call me back for a week.


    sad that it was my birthday on sunday and she still hasnt called.

    sad that i spend more time being mad at her than anything else.

    charlene
  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    It's good to get it out!

    Shannonsparkles, you write so well I wouldn't have known you're so sick.

    Charlenef, I'm so sorry about your friend. The same thing happened to me.

    But after we let it out, then what can we do?

    Marta
  8. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    I realize that there is a healthy way and unhealthy way to direct anger. They say behind all anger, someone is truly hurting. It's true. I don't dwell on it or let it consume me. I usually refocus my anger toward a solution and I am getting there.

    I called my family and let them know how deeply it has hurt me that they have not been emotionally supportive through this discovery. I let them know of all the research I have done and how I know our mother suffered from the disease and was never diagnosed. I let them know of the genetic indications and that I worry for them and their children and want them to know the symptoms. I also stressed that I am a part of this family, I am no longer hiding out or isolating myself because of the doubters and I not only deserve their respect and understanding...but I need them and miss them. My pride has kept me from this until now.

    I also have a packet of research I am going to hand my doctor. He has sent me to Specialist' along the way, but he never seemed to "Get it" as far as this being a serious disease. I hope he will take the time to educate himself and his staff so others will not have such a hard time in the future.

    And Finally...I want to make a difference somehow where these diseases are concerned. For now, I am going to look into starting a support group in my area. Later, I will look at the Political side of things and how to make the invisible, Visible.

    This is what I do with my anger. I normally don't scream or yell, I sometimes cry - but in the end I try to find solutions.

    Thank you all for venting with me, I hope others will as well! I am truly sorry for all of the hurt behind your anger and I support each of you in expressing yourselves and finding resolutions.

    It is amazing to me how so many of us really can relate to one another. The disease has specific aillments which we all share, however the feelings of how others treat us have been extrordinary simular. I am sure that none of have deserved this treatment.

    Thank you mostly for the support!

    Jane
  9. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Good thoughts here. I love this site because each persons posts makes me think about something new and it leads to more research or a feeling of community for me.

    Being mad is what made me keep demanding a diagnosis after years of being ill with FM.

    Being mad is what pushed me to fight for (CPP) disability.

    Being mad is what pushed me to do a lot of my own research and find some excellent support groups including this site.

    Being mad is what made me look for help outside the medical community and find some good alternate therapies.

    Being mad is what finally made me confront members of my family who didn't believe I was ill. Now they either give me credibility or the hold their tongues! LOL

    So good post Jane.

    hugs Marion
  10. monicaz49

    monicaz49 New Member

    amen!
    and i too lost friends...nearly all.
    i thought i had good quality friends...i couldnt believe how unsupportive and uninterested my friends of 15 yrs could be.
  11. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Jane, I really don't think it helps to get angry about having fibro. It doesn't really serve any purpose, but instead, just makes yourself feel worse.

    It's okay to get angry and depressed at times, but you can't let it consume you. It's not healthy and it just makes your relationship with your family even worse. We are so much more than just a sick person!

    I think we have to face the fact that we are ill and not dwell on it--thinking of it every minute will drive you insane! Nobody around you is really interested and they do not want to hear you whine, moan, and groan all of the time. I know my children and DH got tired of hearing me say that I was in "so much pain" every day--they said they knew it and that I didn't have to tell them every day. They were nice about it, but it was a wakeup call to me that I did not have to go over it every day--if the tables were turned, I think I would get sick and tired of hearing it every day, too!!! LOL

    So, I made up my mind a long time ago, to have a positive attitude. I still have my days, though. But, I think I can still be positive and when asked how I feel, still say that I'm feeling rather poorly, or that I've had better days, etc.

    I’ve learned that by having chronic health conditions (and I have many!) that it teaches patience. Not that we often have a choice in the matter – many times it’s a matter of accepting the limitations imposed by the illness and learning how to be patient.... or going completely bonkers.

    Over the past few years, I’ve really come to appreciate my ability to be patient when facing events which are beyond my control.

    Tonight, I don't think that I have the energy and strength to fight the world, either!


    Hugs,
    Janet
  12. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    again!!!

    Janet - please see my second message on this board. I am truly a positive, happy person most of the time. I agree with you that dwelling or being negative gets old very quickly, however sometimes instead of rolling over and accepting the fate dealt our ways, it can inspire a fight within.

    Getting mad...eventhough I rarely get to this point is not necessarily a bad thing for me. It helps inspire change. It makes me passionate about getting involved and finding solutions. I believe that we all deserve the right at some point to express ourselves this way and how we let it out and how we use it really speaks about the person. We all get mad at some point. I don't think it is an inappropriate emotion to have and everyone I know feels this way from time to time and handles themselves in a mature, respectful way. I hope you take time to read the messages on this post.

    I understand that just getting ugly and kicking and screaming or pouting is not something that anyone would want to be around. Hopefully you understand my view a little more, knowing how I handle my anger.

    Thank you for your view as well!

    Jane

    [This Message was Edited on 09/15/2006]
  13. StephieBee

    StephieBee New Member

    First, let me start by saying that I am so sorry that you are suffering so much, in many many ways. We all are, and it is so difficult.

    I no longer consider myself to be mad, angry, bitter or any other words like that when it comes to all of my conditions.

    I have been dealing with them for 7 years now, since I was 18. It took me a long time to stop being mad, angry, bitter, etc. I always would think 'why me?'...well why not me?

    Instead of getting mad and feeling sorry for myself, I have accepted my fate and am trying to make the most of it. I know that I could have been given something alot worse than these conditions I have. Just because I have accepted my fate does not mean that it is any easier, or less frustrating. But, I know I will live to be old (well atleast at this point!)...well atleast I dont have a disease that is stopping me.

    It is great that you have turned your anger into something productive and positive. Atleast in that way, you are getting past the anger nnd using it for something positive.

    Mine, yours and everyone condtions, here on the board, absolutely will frustrate us and make things difficult. It is Ok to get frustrated or upset...even a bit angry, when we are having a bad time. Istead of considering these conditions as a curse, I try to live with them, the best that I can.

    I was on disability for 3 years in my early 20's. It was so hard because the money just wasnt enough. I realized that, at my age, my best bet was to atleast try to go back to work...for my financial well-being, and for insurance.

    I have been working full-time now for 1 1/2 years as a receptionist. It is not easy. I get through it day by day, and thats the only thing you can do atleast. We have to deal with these conditions day by day. I actually just got a promotion, if you can believe that. I was very surprised.

    In the end, I think everything will work out. You will eventually replace the anger that makes you mad, with peace. Peace in the fact that you could have it worlse, or that you used your anger to become productive, and proactive.

    Take care of yourself.
    Big Hugs,
    Stephanie
  14. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    While I agree that getting mad can be destructive in one way, it can be good in another depending on the direction and focus and outcome of the anger.

    I "get mad" at FM all the time and the result is to take control of my life, not give it over to this DD. Sometimes I come home worn out but wanting to do some housework or whatever and get mad and say to hell with you FM, I am going to clean my kitchen!

    I don't push all the time, but I don't give in all the time either. I HAVE fibro, but it IS NOT who I am!!!

    Here is to cleansing, motivating anger, not the inward destructive kind.

    Feel better and God bless
    Sonya