Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by elliespad, Jan 29, 2007.

  1. elliespad

    elliespad Member



    [This Message was Edited on 01/29/2007]
  2. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Ha, ha. Joyfully
  3. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    Are you saying I'm so ugly that:

    if I went to a haunted house, I'd come out with an application?

    if I stuck my head out of the car window I'd get arrested for mooning?

    I can stick my face in dough and make gorilla cookies?

    if I went to a freak show I'd get a job?

    if ugly were bricks, I'd be the Great Wall of China?

    at Christmas, they'd hang me up and kiss the mistletoe?


  4. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Well, If the Shoe Fits, Wear It.

    Oh, sorry, that goes on Paul's Cliche post.

    (Oh, Karen, You know I'm kidding, right? Couldn't resist. It just seemed so appropriate.)
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    have a nice trip, EP.

    I understand that those probes aren't too painful.
    We'll be looking for your postcard.
  6. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    I know I'm feeling much better because I'm trying to turn everything into a joke. I was humorless for too long and it's such a welcome feeling!!!

    ooh, I just got this from my dad in an email:

    The Rambo Granny of Melbourne , Australia

    Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot off their testicles.

    The old lady spent a week hunting those men down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be:

    'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.' Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

    The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said. The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to, Detective Delp told reporters. Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.

    The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-- because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one."

    So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

    I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them, the oldster recalled.

    So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know.

    Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.

    Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison, Det. Delp said, especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.


    which would be worse, losing your testicles or having cfs the rest of your life?

  7. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Now "That's Food For Thought"

    Oh, that goes on Paul's Cliche post again.
  8. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Have you seen South Park? I hope the probe isn't that BIG Satellite dish they used on Cartman.
  9. kholmes

    kholmes New Member

    If the aliens bring you by Roswell, come on up to Albuquerque for some tea.
  10. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    No jury would convict the gun-totin' granny.

    No, I don't watch South Park. I am too old to appreciate it.

    By the way, I don't think you can buy tinfoil anymore. Nowadays it's aluminum. After all, this is the 20th century.

    You notice? Some people are still saying that? They need to update their cliche.

    Glad to see everyone is having a good time today.

  11. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Check my profile. Then, this is what Wikipedia has to say about Tin-Foil Hats:

    Thought screen helmets
    Individuals who believe they have been abducted by aliens have been known to use variants of the tin-foil hat. Since 1998, American UFO researcher Michael Menkin has widely promoted his homemade "thought screen helmets" as a means of blocking mental communication between humans and extraterrestrials. The helmets are made of 3M Velostat (a kind of metallised plastic), and Menkin provides assembly instructions and user testimonials at his website,[2]

    [This Message was Edited on 01/29/2007]
  12. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    I would be receptive to a large anal probe if they could cure my chronic fatigue. And I can't be the only one who would.

  13. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Well, then. I guess that means you've seen South Park and the episode of Cartman? HAHAHAHA - funny episode.

    Yeah, there's not much I wouldn't do if I knew it was a GUARANTEED cure for me.

    I've actually considered how far I WOULD go, if it meant I could be cured. I have even sacrificed ORGANS and LIMBS in my TRADE-OFF FOR A CURE FANTASY.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/30/2007]
  14. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Who's to Say? Afterall, Beauty's In The Eye of The Beholder. Damn, thant belongs on Pauls thread again.
  15. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    You are too cute!!! Loved your other jokes too. Annie
  16. shar6710

    shar6710 New Member

    What you're still here?
  17. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    I got one of DARKWATERS' tinfoil helmets to block the gamma rays the aliens use cause I didn't want one of those probes to be used on me. It's just like the one in my PROFILE.
  18. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Great Pic, EP. You look very cheerful and relaxed in your designer hat. Is it by Coco Alcoa?

    Yes, Darkwaters, it is the 21st century unless you go to the theater and watch "All About Eve". Or "Cocoon." Or "The Seven Year Itch".

    They're all by 20th Century Fox.

  19. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    I’ve been taken aboard the mothership! Who knew? Turns out all those years of low self esteem were for nothing!

    It’s either that or a language problem. I think their word for “sexy” and their word for “spicy” are very similar. And since I just cleaned out my spice rack this weekend, I somehow got on their radar. No matter.

    They plan to swing by and pick up many of you soon. Elliespad, you’re on the list! So are you, Karen, dncnfngrs and Rockgor. And most of the rest of you, too! So prepare yourselves!

    We’re on our way to Australia right now. They want to grab the gun-totin'granny. They think she’s the future of our race and want to study her further. There was talk of trying to clone her and distribute her replicants all over the world. They think it would be good for morale.

    It’s lovely up here. There’s an all-you-can-eat chocolate buffet. They consider it health food.

    Turns out those tin foil hats are actually effective in preventing being taken. But not for the reasons you might think. Apparently, once they took some fella from a remote cabin in Appalachia who was wearing one. They thought it was cute. Well, most of his teeth were gone, but he did have two molars left and they both had fillings. He panicked and started chewing on the tin foil. It ended up messing with their circuitry and they vowed to never take another human with a TFH. How about that?

    You should see it up here. They have a big wall of pictures of folks they have taken. They have a really big picture of Tom Cruise. He’s been taken several times. He always brings his own anal probe, so they oblige him and routinely give him his POD (Probe On Demand).

    On his first abduction, he was getting his POD and kept muttering POOEY, POOEY, POOEY! They couldn’t figure out when he meant until they probed his mind (it wasn’t a far distance). I guess he was actually saying “PUI” for Probing Under the Influence. (they use a mild sedative). One of the jokesters up here, Zon, decided to jumble up the thoughts in his head, and well, you’ve seen the results.

    I better get back to my chocolate. It’s a good thing they have DSL. Talk to you all later if I can.

    Oh, can you guess who else’s pictures are on the wall? Take a few guesses.
  20. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    for the report, TwinMa. Good to finally get the low down on the far out.

    I imagine chocolate would be a big treat for folks from far away. Wonder if they like pizza and ice cream. Can think of plenty of people who should have their picture on the walls, but probably can't post them here.

    Are you scheduled for return visits?