Away All Vampires

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Didders, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. Didders

    Didders New Member

    Hi Kids!

    Cinda here after a long absense...Redwillow, et al, the title refers to the self-centered emotional bloodsuckers who still think we fibros are the same strong, helpful rocks we were before fibro. So sorry but, wherever possible, they must be eliminated from our lives. A great sadness since so many were friends -or so we thought. But be strong and don't give them what they want; they'll go away on their own.

    This sensitivity to all things not gentle, calm, and quiet is definitely a fibro thing. Bright lights, smells, noise, crowds, anxiety, mental shut down, confusion, panic, all of it. Many talks with my beloved doc - huge fibro practice - confirmed this. This doesn't mean that other medical issues aren't in play and should be looked at, but start with fibro.

    We've become linear and must have things presented in a certain way. When I worked, I trained everyone to speak clearly and allow me to take notes. I had to take time to organize before work started (clutter makes me crazy!). When asked a question, I'd do a Data and say 'stand by' while I searched for the answer. Husband and family/friends had to learn to speak fluent "thingy."

    If I have to leave, don't give me any argument. I handle the remote for the volume control. `If you are the rare guest, you already know I could suddenly leave to go lay down. And, no, for the last time, it's not the meds scrambling my mind. Just try and talk to me without them!

    I've had this thing for many years and became quite good at not tolerating, politely, any question as to the authenticity of my condition and it's boundaries. There are rules and either you play by them or go away. Sounds harsh, and for us empathic types, it's very hard. But it must be done. Called survival.

    Botom line, dear comrades in arms, is that we must, wherever possible, create an environment that is complementary to our needs. My commitment? I will make the effort to keep myself and the house up; listen to your issues; be there for you when I can; go out if the pain isn't screaming; and be as patient as possible. I will work hard not to whine or blow up, and be kind.

    But if I'm in a place when some or all of the above isn't possible, you'd better get that I've done all I can and let me be. It works, takes time to get it going, but does work. If you're not good for you, then you have nothing to give others.

    Thay's my say on this subject, which is huge for us all. Hope some of it helps. Take care of you and much love to all!

    Cinda


  2. jsshutt

    jsshutt Member

    I have had so many cognitive problems triggered ADD OCD etc
    So now, with other sensitive friends, I talk too wild and disoriented and suck their energy. I am a complete help to no one. I tire people and do not draw them.
    So I havent gotten to the point where I can cut people off when I am myself like that, would that be so stressful on my concience so as to cause more illness? I think so as I am so sensitive to people's feelings.
    Steph the dizzy Blonde
  3. Didders

    Didders New Member

    For taking a moment to read my thoughts. Well said, Ovrwhelm. Sounds like you've put a lot of time into understanding how to wind your way through the maze.

    Dizzy - Honey, you underrate yourself too much! The simple fact that you took the time to read a post and respond takes you out of the vampire catagory. I should have been more clear; energy drainers don't give back. You have by sharing. Besides, what sounds horrifying in your head usually is not what others hear. I have the running mouth/dither/lost in my words problem, too!

    And Fight4acure, you nailed it: this disease can really suck the air out of a room if we're not careful!

    There's a huge difference between being in need, talking about it with friends and family, listening in return, helping and sharing when you can, and draining everybody with an endless me me me only thing.

    Life isn't 50/50. For us, sometimes we have to take 70 or 80. But if we try to help and give when we can, no matter how infrequently, that's OK. True loved ones will find the patience. They need to give for their own souls.

    We're so hard on ourselves but there are gifts in fibro, CFS, etc. Mainly, we have a much better idea of what's important in life and have learned to appreciate the small things that make up this moment.

    Most important is that word or post that helps another person who's lost and scared. My cousin and my best friend are suffering much less mentally than if they didn't have me to validate the really weird crap that pops up with fibro. In turn, they do the same for me. That's the gift of fibro.

    Sorry if this is preachy. It's the only way I can give rhyme and reason as to why I/we have this crushing disease that never ends. I never ask why me because, hey, why NOT me?

    Love you all and thank you so much for being here!!
    Cinda
  4. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Thanks Cinda

    Your letter was very well written and hits right at the heart of the issue, protecting ourselves from energy vampires.

    Thank goodness for internet sites like this where we can share our worries, dreams, frustrations and help out where we are able.

    hugs Redwillow
  5. Didders

    Didders New Member

    Thanks fot taking the time to read the post. Isn't interesting that virually everybody has this problem with sensitivity and how to maneuver through life with it. I've never met a fibro that doesn't have some form of this sensitivity.

    Just got off the phone with my cousin and sure enough, Christmas prep is doing her in. She's having trouble getting everyone to participate in the usual Mommy does everything stuff to give her a break. She's ready to blow so we talked about proactive ways to ask for help. When you have one nerve left and everyone's standing on it, hard not start screaming.

    Take care and Xmas hugs!
    Cinda