Baby, oh...Baby?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lavender_butterfly, Oct 10, 2002.

  1. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    I read another post, something about being cured, that started discussing the topic of pregnancy.

    I want to have a baby very badly. I don't even know if its a possibility or not. My husband and I tried for three years awhile back and nothing. But we are going to try again and see what happens. I am 30 and I am not getting any younger. To be a mother is something I have always wanted. Always.

    I talked to my doctor about it when I saw her this week. I told her that I could live with the idea of being in pain and exhausted for the rest of my life. But what I couldn't live with was the idea of not living my dreams and achieving my goals BECAUSE of the pain and exhaustion. I said that if anything would make me lose all hope, that would be it. I was going to forget the idea of having children because of this DD. But I don't want to give up on my biggest dream. I want to finish college. I want to climb a mountain. And I want to be a mom.

    My husband and I sat down and made a plan. We have prepared for the best and the worst, just in case. I really want to have more than one child. But if the pregnancy is too hard on me, we are going to adopt another child.

    When I talked to my doc about this, she thought I was NUTS! But she is the most awesome doctor EVER...so she is willing to help me have the healthiest pregnancy possible. She is going to work with me on getting my current flare under control and then work on natural ways to handle my pain and exhaustion while I am pregnant.

    My question is this. Is there anyone else who is around my age who has been pregnant and had a baby while having FMS? I would love any and all information you might have. I would love to hear about experiences, what worked, what didn't, etc. I just don't want to make a mistake and make any wrong choices.

    Thanks so much!
  2. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    I read another post, something about being cured, that started discussing the topic of pregnancy.

    I want to have a baby very badly. I don't even know if its a possibility or not. My husband and I tried for three years awhile back and nothing. But we are going to try again and see what happens. I am 30 and I am not getting any younger. To be a mother is something I have always wanted. Always.

    I talked to my doctor about it when I saw her this week. I told her that I could live with the idea of being in pain and exhausted for the rest of my life. But what I couldn't live with was the idea of not living my dreams and achieving my goals BECAUSE of the pain and exhaustion. I said that if anything would make me lose all hope, that would be it. I was going to forget the idea of having children because of this DD. But I don't want to give up on my biggest dream. I want to finish college. I want to climb a mountain. And I want to be a mom.

    My husband and I sat down and made a plan. We have prepared for the best and the worst, just in case. I really want to have more than one child. But if the pregnancy is too hard on me, we are going to adopt another child.

    When I talked to my doc about this, she thought I was NUTS! But she is the most awesome doctor EVER...so she is willing to help me have the healthiest pregnancy possible. She is going to work with me on getting my current flare under control and then work on natural ways to handle my pain and exhaustion while I am pregnant.

    My question is this. Is there anyone else who is around my age who has been pregnant and had a baby while having FMS? I would love any and all information you might have. I would love to hear about experiences, what worked, what didn't, etc. I just don't want to make a mistake and make any wrong choices.

    Thanks so much!
  3. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I just read your post and might be able to give you a little info. I have had CFS/FM since I was 30. I had a child when I was 36 and I had twins when I was 41. It is doable. I don't totally understand your questions about "what worked and what didn't" and "not making wrong choices." I don't know what choices you are referring to. I was pregnant, and did my best to survive it. When the labor pains hit, I did my best to survive that. When my baby cried all night, I did my best to survive that. And so on. If you are referring to medication choices or something like that, I wasn't on any meds, so can't advise you there. If you will clarify what you mean by "choices" I will try to answer your questions. Best of luck.

    Hippo
  4. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    Thank you so much for your response!!

    Okay...well, as far as making the right choices and what worked and what didn't...

    I suppose I should have clarified a little more in my original post. Oops! Sorry!

    I realize that making the right choices is up to me. But I feel that if I am better informed and educated, then I can make the right choices. If I hear the good, the bad, and the ugly of being pregnant and a mom while having FMS from other people who have been through it, then I can weigh and measure the pro's and con's for my own self and family. That was really what I was driving at. I am certainly not expecting anyone to make those decisions for me. I don't even expect anyone to help me make those decisions. I just want to be better informed so I can go into this with an educated and prepared mind. Or perhaps choose to not go into it. Either way, I want to be happy with my decision.

    The "what worked, what didn't" question really referred to anything and everything. Meds, doctors, labor and delivery methods, maternity clothes, exercise programs...you name it. All of my female friends are either not interested in getting married and having children or they are married and never want to have children. I honestly do not have any close friends I can sit down with and ask "so what was it like?" or "so what kind of nursing bra did you buy?" or questions like that. So I thought this would be a good place to ask those odd questions, especially if it was from a woman who has FMS like me. We would just have that much more in common.

    So that was really what I was driving at. Thanks for asking me to clarify.
  5. tandy

    tandy New Member

    I'll be quick and to the point.....Go for it!!!If its your dream to be a mother,I certainly would'nt let FM stand in the way!!I was DX with FM,herniated disks in my low back,neck problems and Endometriosis all when my 2nd child was 2yrs old.And I went on to have a 3rd child at the age of 33.(I'm 39 now) Sure it was tough!but all the benefits far outweigh anything I've gone thru!!
    I would just take a nap with the baby each day.And having a partner who's willing to help is a big plus!!
    I'm sure you'll make a wonderful Mommy!its fun...it really is!You can do this!!!Good luck and keep us all posted.(just an idea.......the at home ovulating kits help alot!!!I personally know two friends who were trying for awhile and nothing.They bought the kits and it worked!!!)
    Warm regards,
    Tracey
  6. allhart

    allhart New Member

    well im the mother of 5 4 natuaral 1 step my last was born in march im 32 and have had fm most of my life just dx in 2000,my email is in my profile just click on my name ill can tell you what ive gone threw all of it i dont want to put on the board because ive been made to feel bad about certin things before so if you want to email me ill get back to you as soon as possible,i realy think its grate that you are not letting this dd destroy your dreams,
    kara
  7. blondieangel

    blondieangel New Member

    Hi Lavender Butterfly (LOVE that! I love lavender - your name paints a pretty picture in my minds eye)

    I'm just here to emphasize - my husband and i had been trying for 9 years and i found out i was pregnant 4 days after the car accident that brought on this DD. We were ecstatic, as you can imagine, but i was in so much pain - I lost the baby 6 weeks later - heartbeat just stopped. The pathology after a d&c came back normal - i think it was just the stress of the accident and pain i was in, so the little angel went back to heaven....

    I'm 40 1/2 and think that we'll probably never have children, although we've never used birth control.. We've been married 11 years now. I'm completely disabled (can't hold down a job, and have back,neck injury,CMP)and I'm on lots of med's/supplements, but would still be thilled to be pregnant. The only thing that scares me is motherhood at 60 and paying for that college education!!!!! I wanted to share with you that through pregnancy your body will go into remission. You're young! Don't give up your dream! But your smart too. Raising children is exhausting work. I have run a child daycare from my home, and helped raise my husbands cousins kids, 2 since birth. I was at the delivery of one and took care of her from 8 weeks on m-f, 7-4. Actually that was quite easy, but my sister had twins in January, and I've gone to stay w/ her and help - just glad I didn't have to get up for the midnight, 2am feedings etc!!!!!!!

    I don't know your level of FM or if you have other conditions, but it sounds like you've got a great husband, just like me! Some people never find true love/happiness, my husband and i are like to peas in a pod - always together. And for that I am very greatful.

    Good luck with your decision. If you truely want something, I'm sure you'll make it work for you!
  8. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Okay, one thing I forgot to mention earlier. A lot of women experience remission of CFS or FM when pregnant. I didn't. You're going to have to get pregnant and experience this for yourself, because you can't count on it happening or not happening until you're actually there. Also, you might want to talk to your doctor about a caesarean if you have severe muscle weakness. I personally could not push a baby out if my life depended on it. I had a little bit of trouble with my OB/GYN due to the fact that he didn't "get it" about my condition. If you can find an obstetrician who understands your condition, this would be to your advantage. I can't think what else you would like to know; please write back and let me know if there is anything else I can help you with. Good luck.

    Hippo
  9. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I forgot to add that I took yoga while pregnant the first time, couldn't handle it the second time, being 40 and pregnant with twins, was pretty much on the couch. The only other thing I can think of to add is that you don't know how good or bad you're going to feel when pregnant, and don't try to plan ahead to do too much. Even so-called healthy, normal people are sometimes bedridden during pregnancy for various reasons.

    Hippo
  10. garyandkim

    garyandkim New Member

    I'd see a high risk specialist. We lost 2 pregs one at 5 months a son, after having an amneo I didn't want and even swithced Obs. I almost died and our son did. Then at 15 weeks we lost another. Then 2 months later and pregnant again we know have another beautiful son. I felt great with the first 2 pregs on the road to our youngest son. I was in bed most of my pregnancy with him with PIH and it was worth every min. I had to say in bed. Good luck and relax, don't get to over anxious to get pregnant you need to relax.

    Good luck to you two, Kim and Gary

    PS We both have FMS and CFS and you need to know that there is a 25% chance that the baby can develope it in there life time and 75% not. For us it is 50- 50 for our youngest son.
  11. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I have no idea what causes the remission, I actually felt worse during my two pregnancies.

    Hippo
  12. witsend

    witsend New Member

    On my last FM/CFS check up my doctor said that there is considerable anecdotal evidence starting to surface about these types of problems occuring after a pregnancy. And they suspected for a long time that your immune system gets somewhat turned off during pregnancy so you don't fight the baby as a foreign object. So they suspect that after the baby is born the immune system comes back on too strong capable of causing all kinds of problems.
    But I think it's wonderful for you to want a child.You sound like you have a lot of love to give sick or not. I have three mostly grown and for all the troubles you still know going through it that there is such a blessing in it. I got sick when my youngest was about 3 so I have no experience with being pregnant and ill.
    But if you are 30 and already tried for 3 years without any luck you would be wise to consult an infertility specialist. I was unable to conceive for 8 years and went down that road, it is long but often successful. Good luck!
  13. inpain3

    inpain3 New Member

    what all else. Anyways, I think your body actually give you a break from all the pain from fms. Mine did. I had no pain till i was delivering, but then again...i was in LABOR.
    Good luck and dont give up...God is with you.
    God bless!'

    inpain3
  14. lavender_butterfly

    lavender_butterfly New Member

    WOW!!! That is all I have to say at the moment!!!

    I certainly did not expect this large of a response!! There is so much more I would like to write and many more questions I have, but I am having one of THOSE days. Fridays are always very bad for me. Its the last day in a very long week and I am usually quite exhausted from working for five days.

    Hopefully, Monday will come along and I will feel refreshed enough to write some more. For now, I wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your responses, information, support, and well wishes.

    Take care and have a great weekend!!

    Lots of love,
    Butterfly
  15. diamond5

    diamond5 New Member

    i havent been diagonsed (sp) yet.. but i have had this for years.. anyway i didnt have trouble when i was pregnant.. but boy afterwards i did. i actually had a normal pregnancy.. if you call swollen feet, back ache etc normal lol.. i hope you get pregnant soon good luck ! oh have you seen a dr. about fertilty problems..
  16. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I agree with the advice to see a high-risk pregnancy specialist just in case. That person will work with your FM doctor, who sounds very supportive.

    My only daughter was born before this DD. But my best friend has had lupus from age 26 on. She, like you, wanted children badly. So she worked with a high-risk pregnancy team & had two children-- her daughter is now 9, and her son is 4. Her pregnancies both went well & she had to take her lupus drugs throughout (some, her docs eliminated, some they upped, depending on which drugs affected the fetus). Her children are healthy, and for the first time since she was diagnosed with lupus in 1986, she is on lowest doses ever of her meds & hopes to be able to completely eliminate the prednisone for the first time in 16 years. I would say pregnancy and childbirth and the positive outlook achieved from going after your dreams seems to agree with her! Anyway, what you want to do is not impossible with the right support & info. Best of luck, Lavender!

    Pam
  17. roro

    roro New Member

    When I was 25. i was recovering from drug abuse, and had been clean 3 months when i got pregnant. i was very ill, and had hepatitis C. I dont know if it was the hepC or if i had CFS back then too. My pregnancy went OK. I had heartburn and nausea, backache, the normal things. My son is healthy except for asthma. He had exzema and chronic ear infections when he was a baby, but its better now. But I think its the normal kid stuff. I do think this DD had a big effect on my being able to care for him tho. I moved back with my parents when he was 3 months. My mom needed help caring for my dad, he had cancer, and I needed help with the baby. My mom and dad helped me a lot. I dont think i would have been able to do it alone. There were days i remmeber getting up, feeding him, putting him in the playpen and going back to sleep on the couch. He didnt sleep well at night, so i was very sleep-deprived. I breast fed, the doctor said HepC isnt transmitted from breast milk. But who knows about the CFS, I didnt know about that back then. He tested negative for hepC, but there is no test for CFS. He has had to be very independent. he learned to cook for himself at 7. He does a lot of chores, always has. He is also very compassionate and understanding and doesnt take good health for granted. i think emotionally he is a very special person because of what he has had to deal with, with me being sick and my Dad dying of cancer when he was 5. He is very mature and independent.
  18. sickandtired

    sickandtired New Member

    I'm one of the people that has had fibro for about 4 years now and am currantly pregnant. My experience has been good. I've been in remission since I've become pregnant and have felt better than I have in years. Actually I only get about 4 or 5 hours of sleep a day now because I think my body is getting the RM sleep it hasn't had in years and it wakes me up going YEAH! HaHa. I forgot how much pain I was in because I had nothing to compare it to until now. I was taking about 7 different meds and went off of them when I found out. I used to be on vicoden a few times a day and now I can get by with just tylonol. I've been trying to do some research on breastfeeding, to see if the hormones that put some people in remission are still active and the only thing I found was for a couple of months. The body produces a hormone called relaxin when you are pregnant (I think they have it on this site) that puts some people into remission. I happenend to be one of those people. I can't say whats right for you, but, I just said screw it- I want to have a baby and I won't let this get my life or my dreams, whatever comes, comes, and I'll just deal with it the best I can. Good Luck.
  19. PrincessofYoga

    PrincessofYoga New Member

    I have to bring this up...Gary and Kim already have but.

    I have heard and read many places that this DD (FM) is hereditary,...and there is a 50/50 chance of giving it to your child. Anyone have evidence that this is not the case?

    My sweetie and I are not married yet but will be soon. I want to be a mommie terribly. He has had a vasectomy so in order to have one we will need to shell out some serious cash. He is a WONDERFUL man (the most incredible man I have ever met) so it would be worth every penny...and I know with his help we could be a success (he has two of his own and is incredible with them). My fear is the possiblity of giving this to a natural child.

    Any thoughts

    Namste
    Lisa
  20. sickandtired

    sickandtired New Member

    The only thing I can say is from my family, my mother, grandmother and I have it. We all have different degrees of pain, mine seems to be the worst. I'm pregnant again and I wonder what the chances are, but more and more info is coming out and I think we will be alot further down the road of treatment in 20 years. So for me personally, I made the choice to have another child after I was diag.