I had a pretty good week, enjoy the new job, got my first paycheck and tried to keep my mind on more positive things. Today has been tough, my thoughts are dark again and I'm just tired. I've been trying to pray, but can't seem to stay focused and my mind wanders around. It makes me feel worse that I can't even stay focused long enough to talk and pray to God. I don't want to fall into the dispair I was in a few months ago but not sure if I can stop it if things come to pass.