i have both cfs and get bouts of severe depression. they are 2 completely seperate illnesses and i can feel which is which. of course they do both influence each other. and one flaring up often causes the other to get worse. lately my depression has been SEVERE. for a few weeks. then got a lil better, then nose dived again today. i started bawling while driving in my car. i have the "big bad thought" (not allowed to be mentioned by name on this board) daily. many times a day. but i can't actually do it because of my dog, and my mother and brother would be so devastated. i feel so trapped. there is only one way out, but it would be too hurtful to my family. i dont want to make them suffer. yes i am on depr meds. yes i have a shrink. yes i have tried upping the meds. yes i have tried talk therapy many times. yes i have prayed. yes i have tried different medications. i dont know what else to do. there is nothing else to do, but suffer. the cfs and the mental illness of depression have ruined my life. i hate my life. i cant work, cant get approved for disability (long story), cant get a date to save my life or make real friends or anything. i am isolated. i am going crazy. this is not good. i am a freak of nature that does not belong on this earth. if there was a colony of similar freaks on Mars i would go there right now. i even moved from pennsylvania for florida thinking it would help. it sort of helped. i have had an unbelievable string of insane bad luck here.