been looking around some of the other message boards...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sumbuni, Aug 17, 2003.

  1. sumbuni

    sumbuni New Member

    I've neveer realized that there was so MUCH misery in the world. Are there really people somewhere that don't suffer from HIV/AIDS, cfs, fms, depression...etc?

    I've had a great day today, but tonite I hit bottom again. I'm so tired of living, being tired, being depressed, being sick, being alone (yet not wanting to NOT be alone) Tonite I feel so messed up, my head hurts, my heart hurts (not the ticker type). I wish I could find a hold and crawl in it, then pull the dirt in around me. Surely to God there is a life!!!

  2. mq

    mq New Member

    know that I prayed for you...and that despite your suffering, you will enjoy LIFE.
    If you want to talk more, let me know. I'm not here often, but I'll check in the next day or so.
  3. PhoenixRising

    PhoenixRising New Member

    I know what you mean and sometimes I feel really overwhelmed. As I mentioned in my intro post, my son is disabled due to recurrent brain tumors and the two he has now are inoperable and radiation has not helped.

    My point? Well, it seems that any time I used to ask what more can go wrong, somewhere in the cosmos someone pushed the reply button and I found out! So I dont ask that anymore! My first son passed away in 1976 at age 4 mos from a rare heart defect. Again, rare...hmmm...leave it to me to defy the odds twice in one lifetime and not one of them be lotto. Grrrr.

    Because of both my sons, I have seen so much suffering in children and their families. Its enough to make me want to throw in the towel. Then the Mid-Life Mike (ex hubby) decides it all too much for him and bails. And now this horrible disease. The only thing I can tell you is that its ok to feel that way like a non swimmer on your excursion through hell on a slow raft. Just remind yourself all the while, even if it doesnt seem to mean much at the moment, that life is always worth living if only for the good times that pop up along the ways. Its the only way I have survived losing one child, the ex, facing the reality that I will outlive yet another child and then this sickness.

    Keep your chin up, even when it seems all you get are right and left hooks! I have also learned that there is a plan, we just dont know what it is. And thats ok, its not our job to know all the reasons. But the biggest reward comes when they reveal themselves like new chapters in a book. The book has been written already, we just havent seen the last page.

    Faith precedes a miracle - Faith is the belief in things not seen - these are quotes from my scriptures. I hold on to that an to the belief that God only tries his most valient spirit children this way.

    My nick online has been PhoenixRising for many years because of the myth. It says that the Phoenix perishes in flames and is reborn of the ashes each time stronger and more beautiful than before. I see us as the Phoenix always rising from the ashes and each time coming away wiser and stronger and most importantly sharing what we have learned with others who can benefit - that is the greatest value of our experience that grows exponentially with every single person who benefits from our experiences.

  4. srollins

    srollins New Member

    sumbuni, i know exactly how you feel.i have suffered with this dd since 1977 as well as depression.most often i just don't see the point in anything, but then i come across something like your post and as i scroll down at the replies feeling your pain i read the reply from phoenixrising. her reply really touched me. it is hard for to understand how she can feel this way and write so beautifully with all she has been through. there is food for she said there is a plan. i can't go on i am overwhelmed right now.i will pray for you to have some inner peace and find some joy in even the smallest things.



    HURTSALOT2 New Member

    Hi, I am sorry you are feeling so down. Never give up because your daughter and two granddaughters love and need you in their life. Maybe tomorrow will bring a better day. You know how it is. Seems we are near up today and down under tomorrow. Keep those special people in mind and maybe it will help you to feel a little better. Call your daughter, tell her you need a hug. Take care.