been meaning to post this about my son

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lynncats, May 18, 2009.

  1. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    I have FM, and bunches of other problems. The thing is you see, is that in October, our son (only child/wife disowned us, after the birth of our first grandchild. Reason's he stated, he didn't want us in their lives, especially our only grandchild, this is killing me to type., because, they say, that I'm selfish & because I smoke a little "weed" to relax that I am not a good role model. Never in my and DH minds would this of happened. Our son had a great childhood, and we got along GREAT. I only got to see my grandchild 2 times, and that was when he was born and a couple weeks after (he was born on Sept. 11, 2008, then the BOMB fell....son said, we are living our lives, and you live yours. He won't call us, hell, I didn't even get a Mothers day card or a call that day. I guess what I'm trying to say is with FM, doesn't this kind of stress worsen our situations? It kills me every day that I'm going thru this, it is like a dream that I can't wake up from. We've gotten e-mails from them, that aren't very nice, that was back in Dec. Sorry this is so long....but I've kept it bottled up inside me, and all I want to do is scream/cry. My hubby keeps telling me to just let is go, (it's killing him too, and it's killing him more to see me so sad). Our son is only 23 and his wife is only 21. I truly hope I haven't bored anyone, but ya'll are such awesome people!!!! There is more to this story but, I shall end it here, my brain isn't wanting to work. Thanks for listening!!


  2. spacee

    spacee Member

    (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))....really just isn't enough. I am so very, very sad for you. I could cry about it.

    I am really speechless (really blank mind). I hope and pray that they will come to their senses.

    Surely, some of our more verbal people will answer and give wise advice.

    Just stunned that they would do this.

    Love you, gal.

  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Doncha think there should be some kinda limit? If you have 3 or 4 serious diseases, then
    you shouldn't get any more. And when you have half a dozen, as many of us do here, then
    we shouldn't also have car crashes or roofs that blow off or spouses that lose jobs.

    Anyway, I can understand your grief and bewilderment at the loss of your son. Same
    thing happened to me. Just like you, I thought he had a wonderful childhood. But when he
    got to be in his 20s, he no longer wanted anything to do with me. I never see him or
    my granddaughter.

    The only explanation is karma, but I don't believe in karma. And I don't get any
    comfort from people who say it's all part of same great plan either.

    Your hubby is right, of course. Let it go. But how do we do that? I am old and retired
    now with lots of time to reflect and mull over the past. The only conclusion I have
    reached is that the most important factor in life is luck.

  4. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I just can't imagine a grown kid doing that to their parents, just befuddles me.

    I know I don't mind listening anytime , you are among friends here.

    I'm sending very gentle hugs for you and your husband.

    Hugs, Susan

    [This Message was Edited on 05/18/2009]
  5. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Thank you, thank you, thank you to all that responded. Just knowing I have "ya'll" makes me feel like I'll (and hubby) will somehow make it thru this, no it won't be easy, as I sit here crying right now. But thank you to you all for listening.!!! Thanks for the advise/suggestions. Also sorry to hear of you others that have and are going thru something like us. IT STINKS!! Oh and I forgot to mention that they won't even send us a picture, they said it would just make us sadder? What the heck??????


    [This Message was Edited on 05/18/2009]
  6. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    This is happening more and more and is so sad for the grandchildren.

    It's terrible when we do our best raising our kids and they lose respect and keep the grandkids away from a grandparent. Very sad.

    You're not alone, this is happening alot and the grandparents are suffering from choices their kids or so called adults have made.

    Stay strong for yourself, stress makes your health worse. Try to keep your mind busy and don't play the mind games that your grandkids parents like to play.

    Fibro loves stress, take care of you. My heart goes out to you, this must be so painful.
    Post anytime you need to. This is happening more than Grandparents wish to talk about.
    You're very brave to post and i'm here to listen.

    Wish you well,
  7. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    thanks for posting, I've actually read storys similar/like mine, and boy it stinks! I was amazed at how many grand-people are in our situaton. Everday is a struggle, not to think of it. Your post really touched me, as did others, thank you, always in my mind is darn it, I'm really not alone!!

    Bunches of hugs,

  8. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    very accurate reply, yes, I do believe it is the wife!! Darn, you hit the nail on the head. This behavior, has never been my son! I've thought about lying to them, but that's not me, but hey, things change. I'll be sure to talk to you tomorrow, I'm heading of to bed, well the couch, but anyway, THANKS!! If you only knew this story, it would amaze you!!

  9. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    It's all about control, a sick control. Hope i explain to you understanding my point.

    Mother has a great relationship with son.
    Son has relationship with a gal and child is born .
    This gal knows of the mother-son good family realtionship.
    This gal is very jealous of mother -son bond.
    This gal is a controlling person whom resents the mother.
    This gal will do all she can to destroy the mother-son relationship
    including any reason whatsoever including using a child .

    This is a major catastrophy of a grandchild being withheld from a Grandparent.
    If a person would take a good look at this gal's upbringing, there's problems.

    i apologize lynn if i'm jumping ahead of you here but, this is happening way too often in today's society. It's like she's Control Freak and does not care who gets hurt.

    A tip for you: Be as kind as you can to her, no matter how much she has hurt you.
    Most important, keep your distance too. She also has control of your son which is sad too.
    It may take a long long time but your son will come around again. He just hasn't had enough of her controlling yet. Wish i could say much more, Please remember you're not alone, this is happening quite often to Grandparents.

    You're in my Prayers
  10. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member my opionion, your son will change with time. at that age, people often have a lot of misplaced anger. i did, too.

    did you ever ask your son exactly what he is angry about?
  11. sascha

    sascha Member

    my son and dil had twins almost 4 months ago and it would be just awful not to see them. i am shocked at your son's thoughtlessness towards you and your husband. it strikes me that your son and dil don't 'get' what they're doing -they are young and maybe don't realize the real impact, the hurt they are causing. also they don't 'get' the value of having grandparents in their child's life.

    i am so sorry you are going through this.

    i advise keeping the door wide open on your side. every day send warm thoughts and best wishes their way. keep always on the high road of generosity of spirit, warmth, affection towards them all. i've heard of cases where this eventually works to right the situation- you keep an open heart and a lot of love going toward them all the time and eventually it overcomes the problems. and if you can get and keep that going in your mind and being it leaves less room for the hurt that for sure is very hard for you to bear.

    oh lordy i hope it gets figured out. big challenge to stay above the drama- just assure your son and family of your love and your wish to be part of their lives however that can work out.

    i hope for the very best for you all- very best, sascha
  12. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    thank you to everyone!!! I don't know what I would do without you folks. If you don't mind I'm posting one of the e-mails, between my son and myself, a little long, but if you wouldn't mind reading I would appreciate it.

    From: lynn
    > williams <>
    > To:
    > Sent:
    > Tuesday, January 27, 2009 2:48:30 PM
    > Subject:
    > I typed this before I rec'd your letter. Just
    > wanted to get some things off my chest. P.S.
    > Regarding your letter, thank you for making me and dad sound
    > like we are some sort of monsters.
    > I guess you won’t answer my calls or E-mail, so I’m
    > gonna try a letter. We really need to talk.
    > Whatever the heck is going on must stop. This is no
    > way to treat your parents, regardless of our
    > lifestyle. We raised you better than this. We
    > truly miss you in our lives. Not that we need to
    > communicate everyday or anything like that, but for you to
    > just turn
    > your back on us, it’s like we are living in hell.
    > We are having a hard time dealing with this, and deep in our
    > hearts we know it has to be bothering you too,
    > somehow. No we weren’t the best parents in the
    > world, but then who is. We all learn things as life
    > goes on. We feel that you had a good childhood,
    > playing ball in the backyard (which I will take credit for),
    > you and me used to love to hang out in the backyard, me
    > teaching you to play. Being at the field at
    > 8:00 in the morning for your games. Watching you
    > perform at school, (kindergarten, middle school). From
    > t-ball to baseball
    > you did an excellent job. We have and always will be
    > so proud of you. Going to different amusement parks,
    > and having the time of our lives. We did have some fun
    > times.
    > Now you are grown, and you are treating us like we are
    > dirt. Keeping Jonathan out of our lives, and us out of
    > his, is like
    > a kick in the stomach. We NEVER in our wildest
    > dreams thought this is how things would turn out. We
    > have always been there for you, and Jennifer for that
    > matter, and this is how we get treated. I always
    > thought that the bible teaches “honor thy mother and thy
    > father” (NO MATTER WHAT).
    > Michael, I’m not trying to say that we have to be up each
    > others behinds, but the holidays, come on, at least the
    > holidays, Jonathans b-day, we could spend some time
    > together. I know you have your own family now, which I
    > think is great, but darn it, we are family too. If you
    > only knew how hard this has hit us (not to mention the rest
    > of my family), it would blow your mind. Grandma Beach
    > even has moments when she cries thinking about all
    > this. It’s breaking her heart everyday too. I
    > mean come on, you can’t even send us pictures of Jonathan,
    > what harm would that do. My doctor has put me on a
    > depression
    > pill, because I have a hard time sleeping/eating/crying,
    > when the only thing on my mind, is WHY?
    > So, let’s just put this behind us, and move forward, life
    > is too darn short.
    > Our love to the three of you.
    > MOM

    --- On Tue, 1/27/09, Michael Williams <> wrote:

    > From: Michael Williams <>
    > Subject: Re:
    > To:
    > Date: Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 8:28 PM
    > What part of my last email do you not
    > understand? The way you and Dad are would be a bad
    > influence on my family. What part of that do you not
    > understand? In the bible it does say "honor thy
    > mother and thy father" but it does not mean I have
    > to blindly follow and obey my parents. The day I got
    > married is the day I left you two and started my own
    > family. Granted you are still my mother and father,
    > but the relationship we have will never be the same and nor
    > should it be. I have my own family now and we are
    > working on following a righteous path and becoming
    > successful and prosperous. You guys should be proud of
    > me for taking a stand for my family, but the way you would
    > like for me to live my life would be to copycat your own
    > stupidity. You are so self focused you appear to be
    > blind to the fact that a pot smoker would be
    > a horrible influence in a young person's life. If you
    > still do not
    > understand then let's stop communicating because this
    > will never end.

    That is how he talks to me, when he'll answer calls/e-mails. I haven't got to speak to him in over 4 months now. He has even, at one time, called me a sloth, cuz I don't work. He was baptized in '07, I believe, and now I'm a "sloth". He has also put me down for always being sick/lazy, this was before I was DX with FM, now I don't even get to talk to him about this DD. My dil side of the family is very religious, and they got my son in it, (nothing against religion, don't get me wrong, but I believe that has something to do with this mess).

    Take Care and Lots of HUGS

  13. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    How awful that he would speak to you in this seems almost like he has been brainwashed.

    Are you smoking weeds for pain relief?? That is becoming legal is some states. Sometimes a person who is not getting enough pain relief from their pain doctor take matters in there own hands.

    I am so sorry that you are being treated this way...I am speechless and not sure what to say. I hope that he may change his mind.

  14. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Thank you for reading that. I also believe he is being brainwashed. Funny thing is, I actually got ahold of the pastor that baptized him, and he said that my son/dil, and her family have actually quit going to his church. So I truly believe it is her and her family screwing up my son and our relationship. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but my son/dil live with her parents, her dad and stepmother. My dil was molested as a child by her mother, so I was told, do you think that could have anything to do with this. Somedays I wonder what really happened in dil childhood.

    Yes I do smoke weed, not only for the pain, but it helps me relax. I'm not a heavy smoker, just a little in the evening to "RELAX". Oh yea, and it does help me with my weak appetite.


  15. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    for you Lynn. I read both yours and your son's email and I'm just so sad and my
    heart is breaking for you.

    I agree it does sound like your son is brainwashed and his wife and family
    are in control of him.

    I wish I had some advice that would make things better~ I will keep you and your husband
    and family in my prayers.

    Gentle hugs, Susan
  16. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Thank you for thinking of us. I do believe this is some sort of brainwashing going on. I will (try) and keep my "chin up", but boy this crap is killing me more and more each day!! God bless you all on this board for responding to me.

    Jamin: what a great idea, I will send him a note tomorrow, and hope and pray it doesn't come back to me "return to sender", I think that will hurt me more than anyone can know. I did e-mail my son yesterday, just a note, saying hello, and that I hope all is well, but I've not heard back from him, nor do I think I will.

    Everyone take care!! Remember to tell your loved ones that they are loved!!!!!