Been reading but not sure where I fit into all of this

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hraby29, Dec 10, 2006.

  1. Hraby29

    Hraby29 New Member

    Word of warning- this is going to be a long one- Need to vent a lot of things that have built up to now. I apologize up front for the novel I am about to type.



    Ok, I am new to all of this and I just joined this message board a few days ago. A little history.... I am thirty years old. I had my first daughter at 25, my second at 26. Three weeks after my second I had my gall bladder removed and seemed to recover pretty well. Life with two young children, a new marrige, and a step son who is entering the great stage of being a teenager is enough to wear anyone down. Then a year ago my periods (sorry to the men) started skipping, I started putting on weight, and slowly started being tired ALL the time.

    I have read that the onset of fibro is linked to an event, stress, an accident, or surgery. I think in my case it was stress. My mother moved in with us while I was pregnant with the second baby (I went into early labor and was but on bed rest for two months) to help us out with childcare and housework. That was over three years ago. My mother is bi-polar and a recovering alcoholic. Her and my husband DO NOT get along on any level and I am the rope in the tug of war between them. She was living in California and her disability was running out and she had no way of supporting herself. We thought that she had a handle on things and just needed a fresh start. It seemed at the time the best solution all around to have her come live with us to watch the babies so that we could save on daycare. We pay for everything, food, heat, water...etc. She in return was to watch the girls three days a week. Then it all went wrong. Horribly wrong.

    I was at work and make a habit of calling home several times to make sure things are going ok. I also email my mom at home too. I called that morning and she didn't answer the phone. I kept trying, and unlike other times I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I finally got her on the phone only to not be able to get a coherant response to any of my questions, like are you ok? I asked her if I should come home and she told me no. I kept having to say, mom, are you there? Hello? As the conversation continued the bad feeling got worse and worse until I was in a near panic. All I knew was I had to get home and NOW. I left work and drove home. I am still surprised that I didn't get a ticket.

    I got home and opened the front door to find my oldest daughter who was turning two wandering around the house. My other daughter who was about ten months old in her play pen screaming at the top of her lungs. I went over to her and went to pick her up.... she was soaked in her own urine to the point that the bedding in the playpen was soaked as well. The dog had gotten in the trash and shredded a couple of dirty diapers all over the house. My mother was laying on the couch, she looked asleep. I changed my daughter, cleaned up the mess and then tried to wake my mom up.

    I couldn't. Literally could not get a response to save my life. I called my husband at work and he told me to call 911. I called and an ambulance showed up. They couldn't get her to wake up. They asked me what she was taking, I showed them her pills. They then asked me if there was anything else, so I went into her room thinking that she was having a really bad reaction to medication. What I found was two empty vodka bottles and a half full one. She was drunk. So drunk that she nearly killed herself in front of my young daughters. So began our two years of never ending stress. I wanted to kick her out, well to be honest I wanted to have her arrested. She sobered up and we laid down the law.

    I don't think I to this day have gotten over walking into my home and finding that. It came out latter that she had been drinking before she moved in with us, in fact she was drunk at my wedding. I have a lot of anger inside me towards her. I can't say that things got better after she stopped drinking, in fact it has gotten worse. My 13 year old step son can not stand her, mostly because of the constant mood swings and fighting with my husband. Her need to know everything that is goign on in our lives, such as finances, my relationship and how we have decided to raise out children. She gets mad if we don't do things her way and lashes out by starting fights with me.

    Putting this into words isn't as easy as I thought. My mom applied for and got SSI, we just found out a week and a half ago. She can move! My husband and kids are all feeling the stres build and build. Add to that I get diagnosed with fibro. I was feeling bad, and a girl at work told me that I sounded like her mom who has it. My feet started hurting, the pain begain to climb up my legs and into my hips, and some days now it hurts to breathe. I went online and looked up what fibro is, and found that I had SO many of the symptoms. The next day I called my doctor and made an appointment. I drove actually thinking that I was wasting his time. He did the pressure point exam and I thougth he had hit with a poker. I had pain, major pain in all but two points. So now I am going to do the sleep study, I am seeing an endocrinalogist because I have developed insulin resistance, and am on effecx because shocker I am depressed. I take an anti inflamitory and the effexor. No pain meds. I am now wondering as the pain is getting worse and more widespead that maybe I need to start bugging him for something else to help. My husband is withdrawn and moody, snapping at me and the kids left and right. The girls don't know understand what is going on, and my step son is turning into a very angry kid. I feel like my life is just caving in on me and I see no way out. I feel worse and worse everyday, but we need my income to much for me to quit or even go on disability.

    Thank you so much for listening, I do feel better having finally put to words all the things that have been running around inside my head. Sorry this post was so long, just needed to get some things out.
  2. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    Hello and welcome to the board.

    I am sorry to hear about all the stress in your life, hopefully your mother can move out now and that will help at least some things calm down. Maybe then your family will be able to better understand your illness.

    I am glad you found this board but not glad to hear you have Fibro. We're all pretty open on this board so don't be afraid to ask questions or just vent :)
  3. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    I also wanted to welcome you to the board. It sounds like you are in a whirlwind of stress. Your mother does NOT need to be living with you. I am glad she can move! She needs to move...soon!

    My pain goes through the roof when I am under a tremendous amount of stress. You really need to take care of you right now. If your mother is going to drink, there is nothing you can do to stop her but you don't need to witness it.

    Good luck. Keep us posted.
    Kristi

  4. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    None of which is going to help you with this illness!
    I think , if you can find a way to do it, a good counselor may help you figure out some options for finding more peace in your life.
    It sounds like you doctor is willing to work with you, and if you are in pain, discuss that with him.Hopefully he is a believer in pain relief! If he is not..don't hesitate to find a new doctor. It takes many of us many tries to find a doctor who understands what we are dealing with and is willing to help us try to feel our best. Sometimes even a good doctor only has limited success though.
    I am sorry that your mother has been such a huge problem for you. But it sounds like moving her out is the best solution, her problems sound like more than you can fix. Hopefully taht helps your household calm down a bit..and then you are going to need your husbands support with the house, and the kids...because working and FMS is often all that Fms'ers can manage in a day!