Beside myself

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kat211, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. kat211

    kat211 New Member

    I LOVED my life a few months ago. I really did. I was truly happy for the first time in my life. Now, I am having a hard time holding back the tears. I have been having symptoms of fibro/cfs symptoms for years. I was also in a terrible MVA in '97 that left me with a traumatic brain injury. I was diagnosed less than a year ago, after years of multiple symptoms and doctors. My ex husband/father of my dear sweet child and I got back together around the time I was diagnosed. I do not have any contact with my parents or only sibling. My 'husband,' 'bf' is telling lies and acting like a lemming, again. He does not stand up for himself, my son or me or say anything of substance, if he did I am afraid, I wouldn't notice. I just want to scream, "I have a brain injury and fibro/cfs! What is you excuse!" I want to be in love again. I want to feel loved. I want to trust another human being again. I am afraid it will never happen. Tonight, I told him, "I am angry, angrier than I have ever been with you. I don't trust you at all. I feel like a fool letting you back into my life. You are supposed to be my support and I honestly believe that I do not have anyone to depend on in my life." he said all that one would expect, 'i love you, I am hear for you' all that crap. I told him that I am going on with my life and he was either with it or going to be left behind and that i don't feel a damn thing for him. I wish I felt something. At this point, I am angry that I let myself get taken by his crap. What do I do? What would you do? I feel like I have this giant wall that just 'poof' appeared around me. I am so angry. The cards are stacked against me and DAMN IT! I am going to get past all of this without even a scratch. Right? Every time I have relied on the help of another person, I have been screwed, not let down, but screwed. Must be my fault. Right?

    I don't want y son to grow up like I have.
  2. JLH

    JLH New Member

    You are upset now. Try to calm down and let things settle for a couple weeks. Then make a decision on what you want to do. It's never wise to make an important decision when you are upset or angry.

    I hope things work out for you.

  3. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    Maybe staying with a relative will give you a chance to readjust. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" Unknown Expressing anger is OK, but we can't keep it past sundown.

    Our western diet is low in tryptophan and add on some mental stress and we can get real depressed. I make it a habit of eating Honey-roasted cashews or turkey (lunchmeat, dogs, burgers, sausage, bacon). It helps me sleep and not react so badly.

    The best thing that you can do for your son, is to be a great example, be a hero. Even when the chips are down, that you can pull yourself together and carry on. We all have CFS on this board, so that makes us, a sort of family too.

    If you believe in God, turn to Him for help. He has helped me cope tremendously.