Better Off Alone?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pam112361, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. pam112361

    pam112361 New Member

    I know this is not a subject that is new those on this site, but I need some advice. How many of you who work full-time would find it easier to live alone?

    Although my husband has tried to understand (and he does when it's convenient), when things don't go his way (making sure he has something cooked to eat, sex, etc.), he can be very nasty. He doesn't seem to understand that my illness is not something I chose and that if I had my choice I would sometimes rather be dead than to hurt like I do and have him on my back.

    So, back to my original question, under the circumstances, would you rather be alone?

  2. place

    place New Member

    I don't mean to be rude but he sounds like a child throwing a tantrum when he does not get what he wants.

    I would not put up with that if I were healthy. Granted, I am 33, some generations are built different.

    I was married to an athlete for 10 years. He was great, but in the end, he wanted someone to workout with. And when I got sick, our marriage dissolved.

    People change, the world changes, you need someone (and I have that now) who is able to adapt and willing to put your relationship before himself.

    When I was single again, I loved it! If I wanted to lie on the sofa all day long, I did it and did not feel guilty! If I did not feel like cleaning up, no problem! But I did have to do all the chores. Mowing the lawn was my least favorite

    The only down side, was loneliness and getting sick was no fun without someone to help out!

    In the end, I want children and a big messy family. But it has been worth the sacrifice of living on my own.
  3. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    If you still love him and he loves you, then my advice would be to hang in there. Maybe you two could see a counselor together to help work through his issues and yours. If your marriage isn't worth saving then don't bother. Don't make any rash decisions without really thinking through it first.

    Good luck and God Bless You.
  4. SolSerenade

    SolSerenade New Member

    i think with this illness, whether it's me/cfs or fibro, it is RARE to find a partner that understands sufficiently (unless they are ill as well).

    it may *seem* selfish, but this illness is IMO grounds for *needing* to be alone -- YOUR choice, not someone who doesn't understand.

    my experience has been that I often cannot do a damn *single thing* for anyone else, and that's how it needs to be - take care of yourself and feel no guilt.

    take care, I hope things improve for you somehow.
  5. twitch_64

    twitch_64 New Member

    that had no compassion whatsoever. At the time, I was undiagnosed with an alphabet soup of ailments like most on here and that made it even harder because I was just a lazy _____ in his eyes.

    I am struggling as a single mom, trying to find employment while being a career changer due to an accident in this economy, but would I trade the peace and calm I now have in my own house....NEVER!

    But, what I wouldn't give for a nice man willing to help out and help support me and my would really help decrease the stress of trying to support us both and give some much needed companionship, and maybe even love. (I've never had a healthy relationship so I don't even know what that would feel like.) It's really tough dealing with these illnesses with no one in your corner.

    You are the only one that can make that decision though.

  6. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I'm married to a wonderful man. Does he understand everything that I feel? No, because I don't either. BUT...he is a gem! He helps me w/everything, is compassionate and understanding.
    There are good men out there who will love unconditionally, who are truly concerned about how YOU feel and are in it for the long haul.

    Rather be alone? Hell no. He's way too valuable to me. Plus, I like sharing my everyday life with someone. I enjoy his company (and of course I love him!!)

    The only time I wish I was alone is when I feel like I wish no one had to see me. That's no realistic though, I have children as well.

    To find the right person though, you have to be in a good place in your heart/soul/mind - otherwise your choices will not be the best.
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Before you make any final decisions, please seek therapy. If hubby will not go with you, go alone. It is not uncommon for families with sick wives, or children, to break apart. The challenges are enormous. When serious illness strikes, the whole family goes through the stages of grieving, including denial and anger. Your husband may be stuck in denial until reality hits and then he has no "tools" to deal with it other than his anger. A therapist can help him find ways to move into acceptance of your illness.

    God bless you and good luck.

    BTW, I've been divorced for more than 20 years, before I got sick. I was bedridden when I first got really sick but have healed to the point that I can work part time. I live alone and am happy not to have to deal with anyone else's problems nor to have a SO have to deal with mine. If I were younger, and children were involved, I would look at things differently. My way is not necessarily the best situation for others.

    Love, Mikie
  8. pam112361

    pam112361 New Member

    Thanks to everyone for their responses. It doesn't look like I've got a cut and dry situation. Why can't life be easier?

    Gentle Hugs,

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