Better to live alone?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by confetti11, Nov 27, 2010.

  1. confetti11

    confetti11 Member

    Curious about the general consensus of those dealing with CFS/FM issues and feeling different variations of sick at times...sick enough to be out of work for periods of time, etc. If you're single, do you find it better to live alone?

    With all the financial struggle, people keep telling me to go live with my parents or someone else. I keep feeling strongly that I need to keep some independence. A place where I can control the volume level and when/where I can sleep. A place where I feel comfortable crying all day if that's how sick I feel. I think healthy people find it to be a quick and easy solution to just go live with someone...I've always found it very hard to do so when I'm sick.

    For those who have lived with others and alone, which do you find better or more desirable?
  2. jole

    jole Member

    Even though I'm married, if anything (God forbid) should happen to my hubby, I would definitely live alone! For me, even being with someone I love is almost too much at times, and he's def not a 'house' person. Doesn't cook or So it would be much easier to just pick up after myself, and cook only when I want. If I feel like staying in bed I could.

    I realize there are advantages such as financial, etc. but if you can manage it, I honestly think the stress of living with someone else if you're use to being alone would be very hard to get used to. It sounds like you're the same as I am....if I'm having a bad day, I want to have it Jole
  3. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    for me, living alone is extremely difficult, but I have periods of time where I am pretty much bed bound....even when I am doing my "best" it is very hard for me to manage to take care of my basic needs, and I cannot afford to pay someone to help, nor have I found any programs or whatever that will do so (they are either for seniors or developmentally disabled) having someone who could get groceries, do laundry, etc would be a tremendous help

    financially, too, it is a HUGE struggle trying to manage on SSDI, when housing expenses alone take about 90% of what I get (& I have looked and looked and looked for somethign cheaper)

    that said, I do not have any family or friends I could live with at this point, and I have tried to find a roommate, but so far it has not been possible to find someone who would be willing to be quiet, not wear perfume or use most cleaning products, etc, etc, etc
  4. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Surely alone,

    I divorced about 8 months ago and lived in my daughters home until I got my own senior apt. I am 63. I live in Missouri and find there are many many programs for help here.

    I ask Social Security for spousal benefits on my S.S. and got them. I signed up for food stamps and they gave me medicaid automatically with NO spend down. $1. for my scrips, $3. to go to doctor, $10. for emergency room or hospital no matter what.

    I can get a free house keeper 3 days a week since I have a medicaid card. She will also do my laundry.

    My senior apt. because of my income is only $103. a month.

    I have been here a week and have so many friends here my age. I love it and then if I want company I have it and if I want to be alone I have that too.
  5. limbo

    limbo Member

    i have lived alone since 12,91 when my divorce was final. I never dreamed I wouldn't remarry, but still single. I haven't dated for several years, men my age have serious baggage 'YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE! I divorced after 37 years, and never regretted it. I was unhappy at our 25th.

    I live in a 55 and older, and under section 8 I have a voucher to help with rent. So financially I'm okay. i couldn't take care of someone, I barely can myself. I get lonely, but if I don't sleep I'm in bed and when I do shopping, or get with my best friend or family I'm down the next day. The other residents are in the 80 or 90. Somewhat depressing at times.

    I'm a lost Catholic over the sex abuse, has been really a struggle, a big void, but I'm healing. I won't go back, and know I have to forgive.
  6. joanierav

    joanierav Member

    i think there are pros and cons to both situations. if you have a good husband willing to pitch in and help, then you are way ahead of the game. if not, then its better to be alone . i have lived with friends and mom (for long periods of time) while i was sick and found it not a bit better, and i was happy while there.

    i wasnt sick while i was married. i got sick 18 yrs ago, and been alone around 20 yrs now. i like the freedom of being sick alone. no one to see me if i havent showered, or if i have been crying , i can eat what i want and when i want.

    but it is lonely. even tho i have woman friends i can get femaled out at times.

  7. coolma

    coolma New Member

    I was alone and bedridden with fibro for 8 years. I cried and cried from the lonliness. Then, I got alot better, and even remarried after 25 years of "doing it alone". I found it alot of work, alot of doing other things that he likes to do....alot of housework and cooking and buying groceries and preparing meals which is WORK! You know, I love the companionship but hate the work it brought. I don't think, now, that we need to have a man to have a purpose to life. I didn't always know that.
    When you get a little better, there is a huge venue of things to do, i.e. crafts, music, church involvement...even in the neighbourhood you live in. Even in a disability. I would not be lonely. I have learned how to place some people of support into life that buoys you up. I would have more energy for my grandkids and for my own kids. So, it's a really tough decision to make. You are right. But just for the record, if I had my own funds, I doubt I would marry again. I am just not into the "caretaker" thing anymore!!!!!!!!
    And while some lucky ladies here have a kind and caring man that does housework and work around the house, most men like to have their woman do it for them. That is from my generation anyway. I don't see alot of that has changed, though I know, there are some that have "golden" men on this board and are very blessed to have them!
  8. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I prefer living alone. I've been alone for more than twenty years and am probably not fit to live with anyone now. I dated a lot of nice men after my divorce but never met anyone I wanted to marry. Then, when I got sick, I was glad I was alone. I wouldn't want anyone to have to watch what I've been through. Also, I wouldn't feel it fair to not have the energy to do things together.

    I'm an only child and used to being alone but we are all different with different needs.

    Love, Mikie
  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Count your blessings. My ex used to snore AND pass gas :)

    Love, Mikie
  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Glad my post brought a smile to you. Laughing IS the best medicine. It's also an excellent coping mechanism. Humor got my kids and me through the tough times, including the divorce.

    Love, Mikie
  11. babyk902

    babyk902 New Member

    i've hit a REALLY rough patch with my sickness the past couple months, and i have to tell you it's definitely had a major impact on my relationship and done a lot of damage. I was doing so well, but my boyfriend just can't handle it, and is sick of me being sick basically, and i don't blame him because i am too. He just makes me feel bad about it though, he doesn't understand, and recently (we live together right now) i'm starting to think it's better we separate, so that i can deal with it on my own. I'm really upset about it, but i know that right now there's really no other option..

    JEANSKI New Member

    I am in favor of living alone. I currently live with my best friend and sister but wish I had kept my own place. I was alone for a year and I never realized how much better my fibro was by being able to do all those things you mentioned in your post. I could sleep when I wanted, clean when I could, eat what I wanted, be quiet or conversely have whatever music I needed to soothe myself on at anytime of the day or night.

    I find it really difficult to meet my needs when I am having to also take into consideration another persons needs as well. Definately something to consider carefully before you were to make that step.

    When I lived alone my place was smaller but it was peaceful and I miss it alot. I live with someone I would see on a daily basis anyway but to be able to leave her company and go to my safe haven to recouperate was invaluable.....
  13. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I think it totally depends on WHO you're living with.

    For those who are single and happy, they'd probably say they're prefer living alone.
    For those who are married and happy, they'd probably say they prefer staying as they are.

    I'm happily married so this is the way I prefer to live. I love being married. I think if I wanted to live alone it would only be over the guilt of not being a participant in our daily lives sometimes. I could live on my couch for a week with no problem when I don't feel well.

    My husband is extremely helpful. If I had a different kind of husband I might feel differently.

    Can you afford to live on your own. Would living with your parents for a while give you a chance to save some money? Nothing has to be permanent. Would I want to live with my parents? No, but if it helped in the long run, I'd consider it.
  14. confetti11

    confetti11 Member

    Wow...thanks for all the replies! From the general feedback, it seems it's preferable to live alone, unless you have the support of a very understanding spouse (or perhaps relative, roommate.) That's how I feel. I will continue to live alone for as long as I can financially manage it. And I'll just continue to ride this roller coaster!

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