I haven't been on the board for a while. I want to extend my prayers to all. I know the up and down days. And I know that with God we get through them all. I still struggle with the feelings of guilt when I cry and have down days. The days I look at my house and have a hard time cleaning up. The days I hurt so bad and kind of give up hope. As a Christian I am told that it is wrong to have these feelings. These down days don't take away from my gratitude to God for sustaining me and my family through this. I haven't been able to work since October 2002 and God's mercy and Grace have kept us. I just feel useless and hopeless sometimes. I heard a minister once say "if the devil cannot get you to turn your back on God, he'll render you useless to the Kingdom." Sometimes I feel so useless. God help me.