blue here....

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by bluefeatherrose, Jul 26, 2007.

  1. please help me with prayer.. i know if im to be happy i need to leave my husband and learn to help myself.. but i feel guilty for wanting to leave..he wont admit he has problems i cant fix it by myself. i enabled him to be controlling.. and he is mentally abusive.. i either need to tell him that we have to live our own lifes and not control each other. or we have to go our own way.
    so i need prayer on making the right decission..on my change of life. and prayer for the family that he does not get phys abusive .. or real mentally abusive.. when i tell him.. im confussed..afraid.. but i know i cant live like i am anymore.. im so tire....
    please lord help me in my disire to do for myself.. and be with me in this ordeal.. lord i need you and im losing my faith.. so please hold me and lead me in the right direction.. please lord be there for my family to help us all grow to better ourselfs.. we have hurt ourselfs and each other enough.. please lord be there for my family and freinds who wish to help me and support me in this very hard. confused and stressful time... please help..........
    thank you all
    bless you too
    blue.....
    (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
  2. Isaiah43

    Isaiah43 New Member

    Hey, do you remeber me? we had chatted about a month ago. I got very sick, and bp went sky high, and had to continue working, ect.

    you have been on my mind alot lately, and when I went to see if I could find you, I saw your message. Hold on, please know that I am praying for God to intervien in your family.

    Have you ever read Isaiah 43? It has been my rock for many years. I encourage you to read it. If you are in any kind of abusive relationship, you need help from someone, before you speak to your hubby.

    I know that you love him, and I am glad that you recognise that you have had your share for problems, but, you can't do this alone. You need to contact your local womens shelter, and if you can't find one in yellow pages, your pastor, or a police officer should have the phone numbers to them.

    This isn't to say that there isn't hope. there is always hope, you are and your husband too, are God's children. God doesn't intend for you or your family to be in the bondage of abuse.


    Sometimes, we have to get out of the situation entirely for God to be able to work on us individualy, so there can be true healing, and God can bring you back together. This is a fight that only God can heal this, and you can let him, it just takes lots of prayer, love and trusting in God to have time to work.

    I am believing that He will give you wisdom, strength, and love. You have no strength.(I sensed this from your message.) Let God be your strength.

    I know you are thinking that I am a know it all or what ever, but I do know this, you have the authority to start taking back what satan has tried to steal from you. You can't do Anything about your hubby.

    The only thing you CAN do is be what God expects you to be, and that is devoted to Him, love, even when the other person DOESN'T deserve it.

    Especailly when you don't feel like loving, do it any way and load up on the praise music, even if you have to play it very low, 24/7.

    Create an atmosphere of praise around you. Make Jesus your Husband, and you will begin to see the changes in you first, then your husband will see Jesus in you, and, then you will be able to make better decisions, because God will be showing himself mightly in your life, with or without your hubby.

    Love is a choice, and you have the authority to choose and keep life moving in yours. my prayers are so with you, this isn't easy, and there is always resistance when you make a life changing decision.

    But dig in those Heels and stand your God given ground, and do what God has called you to do. I know God, and I know that when ever I have had to do this in my own heart, He always surrounds me. My prayers are with you. Isaiah43
  3. thank you for your support.. it will be a long hard time while i change myself for the better.. i will try to keep my faith.. and improve me.. so everything else will happen as its ment to be... well thank you all for keeping me in your prayers. i will pray you are kept well too...
    blue..
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Please take Isaiah 43's advice, should you decide to tell him you want separate lives.

    From what I have been told, that is the worst time for an abuser, controller to handle. They can get very violent when they feel they are losing control of those they do control, or think they are controlling. Please have a third party that is in some authority position to be at your home, alright?

    Will keep you in my payers daily untill you make a decision.

    Also for your faith, we all get where we wonder if God actually hears us when we cry out to him in these awful situations, just ask Him to 'show' you He is right there with you, which He is always...........

    God bless, and please keep us updated on what you decide to do, and do take Isaiah 43's advice about that third party if that is the way you decide to go, alright?


    Shalom, Shirl
  5. supposed to go home in two days and i dediced im not.. i dont know how to tell the boys or my husband.. i need to have time to self help.. but dont know if i should leave the boys behind but if they are here i wont take care of me i will take care of them .. im so confused and tired..
  6. ty all for your words and prayer.. a up date im my progress i have made the decission to change my life. i hope im doing the right thing. i told my husband and my boys im not going back to our home. im going to be fixing myself. that im next to a nervous break down. that i will be relocating to sacromento where there is better medical and theropy choices.. and my children said they wont come. and my oldest said he would immancipate first. and he also told me that if i relocate to sacromento that my husband would leave me.. so i guess im on my own.. at least for now. i called the crisis line three times in two days.went to er last nite. the only reason i think they let me leave was my head hurt the medicated me before the phys dr got there and i could not concintrate on him. today i dont feel any emotions.. kinda like fog brain i guess. im so hoping since nothing got accomplished does not mean i will need the crisis line again.. i hope im doing the right thing the right way.. ive been abused all my life and i will not be abused no more.. and i can not b strong for my boys.. so i will get stronger and then try to mend our relationships.. with my boys.. and if during this my husband gets help maybe he and i can mend but not where i cannot get the right help.. please help me to do and know whaat is right... i feel like im so distant .. i want to just hide and give up... but i need to help myself so i can be there for my boys.. im so weak and tired.. and i know this d illnes will not improve.. im so trying not to lose faith.. so please help me to continue... im to weak to do by myself...
    sry for this long writing.. but i need to put it somewhere.. its all trapped inside..
    thank you.. blue....
  7. Isaiah43

    Isaiah43 New Member

    Wow, alot has happened to you over the last 2 weeks!!! You have been across my mind alot, my hubby had the laptop on a business trip, so I had to wait until he got back. I read through all of the support your getting, God is sending you emotional support and that He is here for you, through us. In your weakness, He is your strength. You can't be strong through this, of your own making, so He is strong for you. You will get stronger as you pass through this and before you know it, you will be so suprized at how the beautiful woman God created in you will be rebirthed, and in His power, wisdom and might, you will be unstoppable, capiable and most importantly, wise. God has a purpose for your life, you are precious to him, and he will most certainly show you. He never ceases to amaze me when He just blesses me out of left field. I love that!!! I don't know you in face to face, but we are obviously sisters in the Lord, and I want you to know that I love you and am praying that God will pour out a blessing so big in your life that people's lives will be transformed by your testimony and that God will open the windows of heaven so you will continually live without fear of finances, health or wealth. I love you, and God loves and adores you. Keep me posted.
  8. Isaiah43

    Isaiah43 New Member

    things are probably hectic, but let us know how you are doing. lots of prayers are going out to you. Hope to hear from you soon, Isaiah43
  9. ty all for your support . ive been in the hospital.. i lost it three weeks back.. they made me go into hospital.. for mental help. im on meds now. i have decided to stay in sacromento for the medical and mental help.. my husband choses not to come here. it hurts but i need to help myself.. im trying to take it moment by moment. i have to go to outpatient support group mon thru fri 9 to 3. i know its for the best.. i really am trying to keep my faith.. thank you all for being here.. i keep reading isaiah and psalms.. and footprints in the sand.. im now back to being able to come here..
    love u all ty isaiah and littlebluestem and hanging in there. and all others i missed thank you very much
    bluefeatherrose...
  10. im working on health care right now . my husband and kids wont move here so im on my own for now. my sister has been great support. and people online.
    thank you blue
  11. Isaiah43

    Isaiah43 New Member

    I am so proud of you, you hang in there, know that we have your back in believing in you and praying for you!!!!!!I am so sorry that you are having to go down this road, but, cheer up because what you are doing for yourself, no one can ever take away. I am so excited for what God is doing in your life. I know that this can be painful, true growth usually is, but know that when God is done, the beautiful masterpiece that he created will reappear and the rest of the world will see you as God does and that is one beautiful, smart and wise woman of God. Good for you!!!! I am glad that your sister is there to do what we all wish we could do, and that is to give you physical hugs. Can't wait to hear about your next up date. God Bless you so much!!!!
  12. thank u very much for being there for me.. your words mean alot.. im not really sure how to put into words how greatful i am for your support...
    thank you..
    blue
  13. talking to my husband.. he asked so if we dont move up there with u we are going to get a divorce i said i guess so. the boys dont want to move either.. so i guess i start a new life.. all on my own.. i really thank my sis and my good freinds. online freinds who are supporting me.. i need to chat but i cant get on.. i hope god is real and he is holding me... i really need someone.. well thats the update .. take care
    blue/rose
  14. ty for your words
  15. Isaiah43

    Isaiah43 New Member

    HI blue, I hate to hear that your having to still strugggle but know that Yes, God does exists, and He loves you so much. Please wait until you are more physically healthy before you make any legal steps, so that your not making a dicision that you may not have normally made if you are feeling better. You can make your husband wait on YOU for a change, right now the ball is in your court, you have control, but do it with Gods guidence. and, please, talk to a trusted christian councelor, pastor or friend. Take it slow and pray constantly. talk to God just like you were talking to your neighbor, it don't always have to be on your knees. God loves to hear your voice, just like you like to hear your boys voices. Praise, even when you least feel like it. Sing to the top of your lungs, even if you can't sing, it will stir up faith in you, give you comfort and it will make you feel good. I am praying for you and your family. love, 43
  16. ty very much.im trying. but its very hard my boys are very angry right now...i love them very much.i have not seen them two and half months. may be 1 or two months more. i am trying so hard to not lose faith. ty for you incoragement. i will try my best to use you advice.
    god bless you...
    blue
  17. hi
    i still have not seen my boys having a ruff time nowing the holidays are coming .. usually my favorite time of the year.. i always poor all into the holidays for my boys.. to see they have a great time. so far have not talked to my oldest son age fifteen for almost three months now. and my youngest has been almost a month since i heard his sweet voice.. well today i was on the internet and my oldest had left me a im message three days back.. it was saying he was still a bit mad at me but if i wish to im him he would b ok with that.. that he is not much for the phone... i am so choked up on that.. at least its a start ... so it should be.. but i want more.. i want to hear their voices see their blue eyes feel their hugs... im trying so hard to b patient.. this is a step forward .. so im wondering why it is making me feel so emotional.. i should be happy i gained a step ahead.... but it still hurts.. i am to the point i cannot watch children play .. my favorite thing to do .. and the stores are so full of holiday things.. so hard to see them at this time... my anxiaty is so over the top.. how do i feel the step foward.. that i know i should be happy ... but im so down.. im still trying to hold the faith that there is a god.. and he is healing me ... teaching me.. and helping me grow.. i just dont understand yet what he wants... why is he not stepping in and helping my boys pain.. which makes my pain worse because im doing to them... but i have to do what i know is right.. but im losing everything i hold so dear.... how can a loving god stand back and let people hurt so much mentally and physically as they do... i know he has to be a loving god.. but its so hard to see it and hold on to it... im slipping away... and my grip is losing its strength.. please help me not lose my faith in my god and in my boys.... thank u so much for listening and supporting me.. u dont know what it means to me to know u are there praying for others and myself... i am always keeping everyone in my heart and prayers... maybe im just not asking hard enough for myself... i dont do for me just others... but at least for now as little as it is im trying to hold on to the little faith i have.. he has to be there and has to be a loving god.. he just has to be...
    thank you blue......