Boss asking personal questions

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cinnveet, Apr 4, 2006.

  1. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I really need some advice.

    My boss called me today and asked when my FMLA was going to expire.
    I told him I was on like a temporary FMLA to make it to my Dr appts. approx 3 hours a month i need.
    And before I could answer him on the date, He raised his voice and said "thats not what I asked you, I will repeat myself again, and ask you what day does your FMLA expire?

    I was dumb founded. then i heard an echo and asked if I was on speaker phone.
    He said yes you are.

    I told him FMLA expires May 15th.

    He then asked me. Are you planning on renewing your FMLA?
    I hesitated wondering why out of the blue he is being mean and asking me these questions.
    So my answer to him, It is up to my Dr. on when I am released.

    Once again he raised his voice to me. and says, That is not what I asked you. Stop making me repeat myself. Are you planning on renewing your FMLA>
    At this time I am very upset and the tears are pouring down my face.
    I told him I dont know what you want me to say.
    He is now frustrated with me and says Well arent you getting better???
    Iam thinking to myself when will i ever get better and feel this is none of his business.
    So I answer to him, I believe My Dr. and I will feel it nessasary to renew my FMLA.

    Now he is really mad. and he says, I dont understand you should be getting better. So if you renew, then how much time to plan on taking off?

    Now I am sweating and shaking, and I told him I dont know but hope to keep it at the same 3 hours a month.

    He said he will not hold me to the 3 hours a month, but he has 3 other employees under his comand that are on FMLA and he needs to know if he will need to look to hire for extra overtime while he is short staffed.

    He then asks to speak to another girl in the office who is on FMLA that takes off 1 day every 2 mos because of her daughter that has a spinal problem, My boss also layed into her as well.

    I am so so mad to be treated this way. This is unfair. It is hard enough to work full time with this DD and not let it show. Keep a smile while your in pain.

    I am a very hard worker, my boss just gave me a raise. He now has me training a new employee. He always tells me how much he appreciates my hard work. I have customers that complement me and send letters to the company on my friendlyness and profesionalism. I get along with all my co-workers.

    So why out of the blue do I get this call.??

    And is it rigth that I am being treated in this manner. Dont I have any rights. I have not told my boss that I have FM, and next month testing starts for Lupus. And the tumors on neck are getting tested as well as my goiter is enlarged. I havent told any co-workers what is wrong, but they only know I have a bad back. But I am sure they do see me when my muscles spasm that my body starts to twitch.

    Thank you for letting me vent. sorry so long.
    ps. to top it off he is comming to visit my office tomorrow. ugh!
  2. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Shame on that jerk for making you feel like that!

    Too bad he's breaking the law by breaking your confidentiality and the confidentiality of other employees.

    Go to Human Resources and complain. This will usually help nip that crap in the bud - HR knows all too well that this is lawsuit material.

    You do have rights and privacy that is protected by US law.

    I raised holy hell with my HR at a previous job because our prescription provider gave me trouble about coverage when my physician increased the dose of a medication and I actually had to EXPLAIN to them that a MAINTENANCE medication for bipolar was just the same as a maintenance med. for diabetes or high blood pressure and they had no right to question me as to the "suitability" of an existing condition in the middle of a weekend. Our company had a 600-employee contract with that company and gee, didn't they bend over backwards to "help" me once our HR department got a hold of them.

    Stand up for yourself and tell him that you don't appreciate discussing confidential information on speaker phone, or being badgered for using a benefit that is guaranteed to you by US federal law, nevermind his violation of your employee rights under ADA and EEOC statutes. Then smile at him and ask "Shall I continue?"

    I guarantee you that that windbag will shut up and cringe like a whipped dog. Then he will probably eat his own tongue while he tries to tell you that he didn't mean it, blah blah blah, when he meant every word of it.

    Bullies like him enjoy making people miserable because they are fairly secure in the knowledge that most decent people would be too shocked to dish it right back to him. But ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS behind a bully is a very insecure person.

    Put him in his place and remind him that while he may be your boss, this does not obligate you to be his doormat.

    Madame Curie
    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2006]
  3. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    tomorrow when he comes in, i will stay cool. let him open his mouth, take detailed notes. and get all my notes in order and call hr.

    Thank you so much. you gave me great insight on some of my rights that i didnt know.

    Thanks again it is so appreciated
    God Bless,
  4. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    tape this conversation with your boss or have your HR person nearby to "listen" to this conversation--so its not your word againist his?

    Both you & your co-worker should write down what was said in this very unproffesional manner. Maybe you can file a complaint against this JERK.

    Bosses like this deserve to rot somewhere......


    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/04/2006]
  5. starmom

    starmom New Member

    Make sure you doucment this meeting, including date, time and the fact that someone was on the end of the speakerphone and not identified to you. Send a copy to yourself, cc it to the boss, the HR dept and the CEO of hte company.

    HR is NOT always your friend. They may do as a former employer of mine did - give you false info and violate the law!!

    I was FIRED from a job for absenteeism for time off that was covered under FMLA. They "changed" the sick leave/PTO policy and included FMLA time. they also told me an absence would be covered under FMLA while misrepresenting the law - I came back to work under extreme pressure to "rescue" my dept and it was exactly ONE day too early to get the FMLA (NOT what the HR people had told me). Under this change of plicy they fired everyone who had taken disability or FMLA time off over the past 3 years! No notice, no severance, and I did not have enough $$ to sue them. The owner of hte company made it VERY clear that he would fight until my children were bankrupt from the suit. He was NOT bluffing, was famous in the region for this - I found htis out later!

    Be sure to keep hard copy of the notes. If at all possible, look up the FMLA law and quote it along with HIPPA and other privacy regulations!

    You owe it to yourself to keep documentation to protect yourself and your family. It also wouldn't hurt to speak to an attorney if you can.


  6. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    i found out the other person who was sitting in the room while the boss was on the phone was a new asst. mgr. a girl that i trained! go figure.

    maybe i will hold off on calling hr and i did document what he said right after i hung up the call because i was so upset.

    and yes it is a very be co. that i work for. they are located in every state.

    i am a little nervous for his visit to my office. i will just remain calm and see what happens.

    thanks again for all your help.
  7. azcactuslil

    azcactuslil New Member

    Everyone has given you great advice. He doesn't have any right to intimidate you. You are not required to give him any medical information until the deadline is up and then it would be on the advice of your doctor. Do some reasearch on the HEPPA act in your state. I believe he is in vilolation of it. Do matter what else happens from this point forwar, take notes on every conversation that you have with him. If at all possible follow up with written letters to confirm conversations. It is going have to be a "CYA" thing now. You are in control of this situation, not him.
  8. wildflowers2

    wildflowers2 New Member

    well here goes....IF you live in a state where employment is considered and "at will" state. they can terminate you
    for no reason at all.

    ***AFTER 12 lawyers after my nervous breakdown from work
    and being on short term disabilty.......

    THE COMPANY has the right to put you on FLMA WITH OR
    WITH OUT Your permission. WHen the comapny finds out that you have MORe medical issues then THEY want to deal with.
    They FIRE YOU. I know IT happend to ME.

    THEY the company puts on FLMA to cover theor butts.

    any questions just ask me.

    I went to one civil liberties lawyer( my 12th that gave me answers) and SHE told me there are ceiling on how much you can sue.

    She wanted $10,000.00 up front...I pay ALL court costs...
    SHE gets 40% IF we win.

    AND usually you can only sue for $100,000.00. and it can TAKE years to settle..

    Nice huh>??

    as told by THEIR attorneys. HR will screw you every which way.

    ALso FOR your records.....TAPE record all your conversations with the company for yourself!
    (the tapes cant be used in court unless you TELL TEHM you are recording the conversations).

    ANy letters sent to the company have them certified
    , return receipt requested.
    Get a copy of your personal files as well.

    Short term diability is for 6 months..they usually pay that. but run you thru sooo much crap.

    You can go to the EEOC and file a complaint but thats
    a crap shoot as well.

  9. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I am so sorry that happened to you. In that position I would just let him be rude and let out steam, but stick to the letter of the law when it comes to FMLA. As long as you follow the guidelines: he can not touch you and your job is safe.


    PITATOO Member

    Don't take it from this JERK. He legally can't ask you what he is asking you. You are going to have to stand your ground here not matter how he makes you feel. I had something happen to me a couple of years ago when I was on STD and protected under FMLA and my boss tried calling me at home and wanted to know if I would work from home. I immediately call Human Resources and my boss was reamed out. There are very harsh penalities if they do not stay within the guidelines of FMLA. Your boss is on very shaky ground and I bet if you went to HR that he would get the idea of what he is doing is wrong/illegal and outright stupid by putting the company at risk for large fines and a lawsuit. I'm not sure what state you are in but be careful what you say to him and just go through HR. I know here in Michigan they can fire you for anything. I am an "at will" employee. You kinda have to play it cool and let HR do their job because you don't want to turn around a year from now and get canned for something he "makes up" but you know is related to this. Be careful and good luck - Bobby
  11. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    OK, well it didnt go very well.

    I said, I felt really taken back with the questions you were asking me?
    1st you started our call buy asking how long my FMLA is for, without explaining why you were asking me this questions.
    His response, I dont have to give you a reason. and his face turned red.

    I said, Well when I tried to answer you cut me off in a middle of my sentence.
    His response. I am not look for a story just a simple answer.

    I said, You asked me if I was going to renew my FMLA? and what I think the best answer was when the Dr. releases me? and feel that is the correct way to answer it as it is 2 months away and that answer I cant give so far in advance.
    And you were raising your voice to me that was also disturbing to me.
    His response, I didnt raise my voice! Lets ask your asst. mgr as she was in the room while you were on speaker phone.
    I turned to her for an answer and she says, Well I think there was some type of miss understanding going on.
    (now I am getting mad because she couldnt tell the truth that he was raising his voice to me)

    By now he is getting very angry. and going off, I am your boss, I dont need to keep repeating myself to you. When I ask you a question there is a reason for it. He goes on to say he is being pressured by HR to make sure the office is staffed properly. (now he is sitting up tall talking down to me whit his hands going a mile a minute and his legs wiggling all over like he had to go to the bathroom real bad)

    I said the way you are talking to me know and the body language you are showing me tells me you are getting mad at me for trying to clear the air over yesturdays conversation. I thought you want us to be open with each other and not to hold back any uneasy feelings or mis understanding we may feel. So this is what I am trying to do. Keep an opean line of communication so I can understand why you spoke to me in that manner.

    I gave him an example how when I answered him that it was up to the Dr. on if I would renew my FMLA.
    You cut me short and said, "that is not what I asked you. stop making me repeat my self, Are you going to renew your fmla?"!
    And again I told him, you raised your voice to me with anger in it.

    He said no i did not. Lets ask the asst. mgr.
    So i turn to her and look her str8 in the eyes. She looks at me then looks at him. hesitates befores she answers and says,I think there was a mis understanding going on.

    So he ends up appoligizing for any mis understanding and feels i mis took his raising his voice because he was on speaker phone. I just shook my head.

    I told him in the future if he is going to ask me questions like this I prefer not to be on speaker phone, and be told why these reasons are being asked.

    He said he hopes in the future there will be no more mis understandings.

    FYI, I am keeping all documents on this.

    Thanks for the advice here. I dont know what I would do if I was unable to load this off my chest, and have all of you here to answer me and give me advice.

    Thank you again so much,
    God Bless,
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member's too bad the lady didn't have the guts to say he did in fact raiser your voice, sir...

    but take fight advice....


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