Breaking the News

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by jewels920, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    I've seen many of you post about when/how you break the news of your medical condition(s) with someone new in your life. I've been spared that, for the most part, as I was diagnosed after I was already living with my DB (darling boyfriend). As far as potential friends are concerned, I usually mention my condition, at least in passing, right away and can't imagine living in such a way that I would have to keep it a secret, even for a little while.

    How do you handle the issue? When/how do you tell a potential romantic partner? What reactions have you received that have caused you to change when/how you tell somebody?

  2. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    The average love interest cannot handle it. They think of it, as, "Oh, they'll have a few times a year where they'll be extra tired and probably have to stay in the house, lying around most of the day". They don't realize that we might go through a period where for 2 weeks or more, we are bedbound. Or, even if we don't flare that bad, they won't realize that when we are flaring, or to prevent flares, sometimes we need complete silence and darkness (no lights/tv/radio/intense conversations).

    I would try to let a person see me at my best-----most energetic and intellectual, before breaking the news. Then, if they are better than average, they can keep the vision of the real you in their heads, when you are going through a relapse/flare.
  3. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    I can completely understand why you would feel the need to allow someone to experience you at your best--so sad we live in such a "throw away" world that we can no longer tolerate each others limitations as well as our strengths.

    I work with 20-something men all night and sometimes I'm blown away at the reasons they decide to reject someone...based on looks or weight or kids or something really shallow and unimportant.

    I wonder what people with potentially contagious conditions must be going through.



  4. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    it must be horrible to anticipate the possibility of rejection. If I was dating right now, I'm not sure how I would handle things.

  5. Khalyal

    Khalyal New Member

    to make a spouse who has been with you every step of the way to understand. I can't imagine trying to start fresh with a "new" person. If this marriage does not survive this disease, I will most likely remain alone.

    My husband is pretty good, and tries hard to understand. Yet I still spend a lot of time (exhausting) defending why I can't do this or that. It's hard for him to separate CFS issues from relationship issues. If I don't want to talk, is it because I am mad at him? No! It's because it hurts.

    It is terribly hard to have this disease and have relationship, too. It takes a lot of work on both sides. It's not just about them trying to understand us, but also about us taking their feelings into consideration and realizing how hard it is for them.

    [This Message was Edited on 11/16/2007]
  6. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    What an eloquent post.

    Couldn't agree more.

    My man does most if not all of the housework and laundry. Without complaining. I step up when he's feeling bad or having a stressful time and I do more when I feel a little better.

    We have both agreed that clean dishes in the dishwasher but not in the cabinet is not the most important issues we have to face. Let the small stuff stay small.

    Blessings and much love.

  7. Khalyal

    Khalyal New Member


    It's funny how your priorities change in the face of this. What used to seem so important just seems trivial when you have to actually make a choice between having a conversation or vaccuuming the carpet.