Broke down and cried today at work

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nanswajo, Sep 1, 2005.

  1. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Darn...I cried in front of my boss.

    We are so busy this weekend. I am one of the managers of a flower shop and we have more weddings to do flowers for this weekend than we have ever had before (9) and I've been so worried about getting it all done.

    Today I went in to work with little sleep and, of course, in pain, as usual. It is just so much harder to cope with stress now that I have FM. I expressed concern about being able to get it all done and the shop owner called me downstairs to scold me about showing panic in front of other employees.

    After a short discussion with him in which he asked me not to bring the stress of home to work I finally said "There is nothing going on at home. I'm sick." They already know I have FM and they have a very good friend who also has it. I had asked for 2 days on and 1 off then 3 days on and 1 off to see if that would be a little better for me, but this week because of the weddings they asked me to work 5 in a row.

    He felt bad when I started crying and gave me a hug, but this is so hard. I am getting worse, not better. I have been so over emotional lately and very disorganized.

    I'm overwhelmed. Someone told me the first year of FM diagnoses is the worst. I hope it gets better as I learn how to cope and find the right meds!
  2. getfitat40

    getfitat40 New Member

    I am generalizing big time here...
    I love being a woman but I hate that our emotions are judged harshly by others...it sounds like your boss was actually extremely empathetic to you and seemed to understand why you were emotional. But why is crying such a bad thing and why are men uncomfortable with it. I think it is probably well documented it is better to release these emotions, even with tears, then holding it and going home and berate their family or kick their dog. I am a cryer - I am hard wired to tear up when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am angry, when I am frustrated, and so one.

    IMHO - stress no matter when or what or how is the catalyst of most of my flare ups. It sounds like you just reached your limits and you needed the release. The more stress I face at work the sicker I get. I work for a large company and the first year I was there I caught every single germ floating around. My doctor told me I worked in a cess pool. This was also the year I finally got diagnosed with FM.

    My male boss (sorry men but this is just my opinion) does not understand emotions at all. I have cried in his office 3 times in 5 years and he cannot forget these incidents. He brings it up at every one of my performance appraisals. This man I work for is one of the most emotional men I have ever met - but his emotions are 'accepted' in corporate america - he yells and screams, jumps to assumptions and 'attacks' without provocation. I have talked to him many times about why is it acceptable that his yelling is ok but my anger which results in tears is not. Does he want me to yell back? He says no and I couldn't do it - confrontation is not easy for me and he is my boss so I cannot do that even if I don't respect him at times, I respect the position.

    He asserts that he cannot count on me in a crisis because of these emotions. This is the man who took the handle of a broom and inserted it in our telephone system and caused a fire, this is a man who is a single Dad who yells and screams and threatens his teenager (not that she is not the problem but he is the adult) loud enough for everyone to hear and ends up having to leave work early to 'fix' her messes all the time.

    I know I have rambled here but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and it sounds like you are really stressed out and you probably need to cut yourself a break - give yourself permission or forgive yourself for the emotions you are experiencing and make it through the weekend. It does get easier, but never goes away. Count your blessings that you work for a decent boss and thank him for handling things like he did...hang in there. Nancy
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I feel for you. I know exactly how you feel, too! I have cried in front of my boss, too. Then, I feel sooooo stupid!

    I started working for this guy that everyone hated in our department. They did not have to work directly FOR HIM, but I did! He was an extremely tall man, big man, very arrogant, etc. He had been an executive in management for 25 years at the plant. When he gave me my first performance appraisal (this was 1 year before I retired), he started telling me how much more that he wanted me to take on. He just kept naming projects, taking other people's jobs (due to downsizing and these people not being replaced). All I could think of in my head was "I can't do this much--I'm about to die right now!!"

    When he kept going on about how much more each person was going to be expected to do, etc., because of the plant's downsizing and people not being replaced, I just started crying. He looked soooo shocked! I had known him for the 25 years he had been there, but never directly reported to him. He sternly asked me what was wrong. I then had to say what you did--he didn't know my health problems--I just cried more and said "I'm sick. I have more health problems than you could ever imagine. I'm having chest pains all the time, I am in terrific pain all of the time, and I am always so fatigued that I can't even drive to work, etc."

    He finally turned into a softy and told me that maybe I needed to think about retirement or a disability leave.

    In the end, he turned out to be a nice guy, hosted a lovely retirement party for me, and wrote a fantastic letter to Social Security in my behalf when I was applying for SSDI.

    I got off the subject -- YOU, but, I just wanted to let you know that a lot of other women have cried at work, and in front of their boss! Ugh!!

    Hugs,
    Janet
  4. nanna4550

    nanna4550 New Member

    I feel for you, I was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. I'm better only when I take good care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually. When I'm stressed out- major flare. I always hurt, it's just when I'm in a flare I hurt much more.
    I'm sorry that you cried, it's humiliating
    I think the realization that "this is it, make the best of it" is the only thing that makes it better. It forces you each day to do for yourself what you need to do to be better. Ask yourself what you can reasonably do to make things better for yourself and your staff through this busy weekend. Take your entitled breaks and lunch. Stretch out, take a walk, do whatever you need to do to take care of you. I know we have a tendency to work fast and furious (overachiever stuff) when there is too much to do, skip breaks and lunch. Drink coffee and cola's for a boost (don't do it) Sometimes it is just best especially with our condition to pretend there is no deadline. Work at a comfortable pace. I don't know that there are any meds that really help. I've tried so many things and I think things are working then wham I get worse again.
    So, best of wishes for your weekend.
    Hugs, Nanna
  5. Francey54

    Francey54 New Member

    Dear Nanswajo:

    I have been there. That is exactly what was happening to me the last year I worked. I would come in dead tired, in pain and overworked. My bosses were sympathetic at first but over time it got to be too much for me.

    I pray that you can get better and keep working. It is so wonderful to feel productive. I wish I could go back to work but it is totally impossible for me.

    Do as much as you can Nan, take your meds, try to go to bed as early as possible so you can have some rest and keep positive.

    Good luck.

    I send you a BIG Hug,
    Francey
  6. heartinheaven

    heartinheaven New Member

    with FM and I still cry, but I am much better equiped to handle the stress, and crying is one of the ways I do that. I am better able to choose the time and place now days.

    We all have hope for a cure someday, but til then, we need each others shoulders to cry on.

    I hope you feel better and prayers to get you thru the weekend.

    Prayers and hugs,

    H Michael
  7. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Thank you so much. It is amazing how much better I feel when I hear from all of you who understand.

    I'm off to work this morning. It is my last day this week, so I can just walk away from it for 3 days after this. I plan to just get the wedding I have consulted on finished and then if there are problems with the others it won't be my issue, because they refused to bring in extra help and they don't want us to work overtime.

    As much as they really like me and as nice as he is, they are a bit into ovedoing it to bring in $$ for all their trips and house renovations.

    I recognize that it could be worse.

    I'll definitely take breaks and take care of myself. Thanks for that reminder!

    Nancy
  8. SoxFan

    SoxFan New Member


    It is so difficult to continue working when you're just not feeling up to it. You did what I do when I'm so completely over-stressed - cry. It's ok. Things may be a little easier at work now that your boss knows what's happening with you physically.

    Hopefully you made it through the day ok, and can enjoy a long weekend to relax and recover from your tough week.
  9. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    Maybe now he will understand a little better. You can tell people how bad you feel every day but when they see you cry, it emphasizes the point.

    I don't know if I should say this but for me it got worst after the first year. During the first year, I kept thinking that maybe they were wrong and maybe they could fix this. I had hopes it would get better and then when it didn't, my depression got worse.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/02/2005]
  10. LottieWilkins

    LottieWilkins New Member

    Wept half the day at work yesterday, but got to do it this time with closed door, and avoided seeing my boss so I didn't have to explain.

    I think it was brave of you to let your boss see the real thing.

    Thinking of you, connectedly...
  11. snooker11

    snooker11 New Member

    the first year is definitely the worst. I've had this for a year and 4 mos now and I cannot tell you how far i have come since then. you willl learn to manage your pain and it will get better. it may not go away completely but if you excercise, get on a good medicine regimen, and work HARD at reducing stressors in your life you WILL FEEL BETTER.