Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Rene, Jul 5, 2007.

  1. Rene

    Rene New Member


    Ohhh I am so sorry. He has lung cancer? I know you will, are, beyond grief right now how awful. I was told my mom would only live through the night and then a couple of months later told she probably would be dead in a month by the dr. They were wrong.

    Im just so sorry for you and your dad and family. Where will he be staying? Are you getting good support from the hospital? How did Bud respond?

    Well I'll check back to see how you are. Poor guy he has been feeling so awful. You and your dad will be in my thoughts.

    I will pray for you and your dad. I'm so sorry. I'm here to listen anytime.

  2. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    Thank you so very much for the nice thoughts and prayers and for being here.

    Your right I am beyond grief. Bud took it his normal way. He knows everything. He is really getting on my nerves. He actually said that the reason Momma passed away was that she was not made to get up on her feet and move around. I was taking care of her 24/7 and she was not able. He would come in for a visit than go to his fun and drugs and booze.

    Daddy may very well have to go for rehabiltation when he does get out of the hospital. Bud will fight it, yet he won't be around 24/7 to care for Daddy. He has driven Daddy's car to the hospital the last three days, ever since we found out he had cancer. I have no idea where he is getting his money. Bill said that he thought he stole food from the cafeteria the other day. I don't want to say anything around Daddy and get him upset and even if I took Bud out of the room and confronted him he would make a big scene.

    Daddy needless to say is very down. He keeps saying he has a death sentence. I made him promise me that he would not give up. The Dr. is even going to start giving him an antidepressent. We are going to tell him it is to help him sleep. If we tell him it is for depression he won't take it "because he is not crazy". He has been depressed for a long time, evne before he got this news. He goes from being grumpy to in a half way good mood.

    I told Bill today that there is a good chance he won't be with us at Thanksgiving and Christmas. His birhday is Saturday and he will be 71.

    I am sorry that I went on and on. Thank you so much for listening.

    How are things with you and your Mom?

    God bless; Pam
  3. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope you have a good rehab place for him to go to. How long will he stay in the hospital he is in now? Do you see an oncologist next?

    How nice of Bud to be helping himself to your dads car. He could get in big trouble for that.

    My mom is doing ok. T he other day she was on oxygen and having breathing treatments and getting suctioned out and that brought back bad memories. She told me that she wanted to die. Actually I am surprised she hasn't said that more often but I'm very glad she doesn't as it hurts to hear.

    We have been having warm weather up to 107 today and my heater need freon and they can't do it til tomorrow. It will only go down to 80.

    Well I hope you will be able to get some sleep.

    I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. You have been through it.

    Take care,
  4. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam just wanted to let you know I think of you and your dad everyday. I will wait to hear from you when you can write.

    Take care,
  5. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    Thank you so much for all of your thoughts, They mean alot to me.

    Right now Daddy is doing well, as well as can be exspected. Yesterday was his birthday, I wished him a happy birthday and he said thank you. I figured we could celebrate when he got out.

    He had a couple of rough days with anger and adjusting to the fact that he has cancer. I think he has accepted it for the most part. We know have to decide what kind of treatment. I missed the pulmanary Dr. this morning but Daddy seems to think he may get out tomorrow. I think it is to quick he needs to get a little stronger.

    My brother as always is a big pain. I left him a message Friday night and told him that Daddy and I talked and I needed a key to the apartment in case I needed to get his oxygen tank or something else. He drives Daddy's car up there and brings a portable tank. He than says he couldn't understand my message that I said for him to do that and Daddy was being discharged. He threw a fit and ranted than he said "I didn't know that the queen didn't have a key". Bill told him he better watch his mouth and he said something to Bill. Daddy came down on him pretty hard about me needing a key. We left and went by the apartment and it is a mess and the china hutch did not have Momma's china in it, so it is very possible that he hocked it.

    Daddy is worried about what is going to happen to him when he is no longer here to watch over him. I am not going to lie to Daddy and tell him I will. As far as I am concerned after Daddy is gone I never have to see my brother again.

    He apolized to me today but said that he wasn't going to apolize to Bill. I said that is ok the only reason that he said anything is because you went off on me. His reply to that is that's ok your my sister. Big deal.

    I am so eshausted and hurting we came home early today. Thank you so much for being a friend and listening.]

    How are things with you. Let me know.

    God bless; Pam
  6. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam oh gosh I am so sorry. It is horrible what Bud did. I can't believe he stole your moms china. Just a creap. Have you thought of calling adult protective services but don't tell them who you are? I called them a few times. They may have some ideas.

    Yea I'm glad I don't think I will ever see my brother again either. Its bad enough to have your dad so sick and then your brother makes it 10 times worse.

    Just think one day Bud will be on the streets and that can make you feel good.

    Oh same ol stuff with me. I"m glad he isn't going to a nursing home right. I told my mom about your dad and she said that was to bad but she said she would not want any treatment.

    Well you get some rest if you can. I do come here to see how its going with your dad.

    Take care and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

  7. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    How are you and your Mom?

    Well today was a pretty good day. They got Daddy up and walked him out in the hall,his oxygen level dropped to 77% that is with the oxyen on. That is not good and has to do with the COPD. He wants to go home so bad but he is just not ready.

    He did sign up for a clinanical trial for his non small cell lung cancer. He will take 2 pills every day, and every three weeks he will have to go to the office for a IV of another medience. It is not chemo. I just home that he can do it. He did make a comment today that maybe it was a good idea for him to be in the hospital when he has his first treatment to see how he reacts.

    My brother was all friendly today. He keeps saying maybe you will get to go home tomorrow. He just does not understand or does not want to understand.

    Daddy said he told Bud that he could have the car and the furniture. Bud told him to make sure and get it in writing. Daddy said I don't see any reason for that. I told him Daddy it is because he thinks I will fight it. I have a good car and a house full of furniture and Bill provides for me so I don't want any ot that.

    Bill said when Bud is around I should say Daddy is it ok if I have Momma's china. I don't want to do that and upset Daddy. I don't know what he will do when Daddy gets home and notices it. I did ask Daddy where Bud was getting his money and he said he has been working and got paid. He dosen't know about all the times Bud called in. Saturday night he called in to watch a race. They made him come in and work a split shift.

    Well I have went on and on. Thank you again for listening.

    How are things with you?

    God bless; Pam
  8. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam, that is great about your dad getting into the clinical trial. Do you want him to go home or stay in the hospital awhile? How are you doing?

    I think you should get the car and sell it and go on a trip. Is Bud gonna be able to make the payments? He doesn't have a license right? Yea I didn't want my mom to know my brother stole my moms new leather couch. Maybe you sould figure something about the china. Awful.

    How are the nurses and the drs with your dad? Does he have a nice roomate? Is your dad in any pain?

    Lots of things going on at the nursing home. I;m always worried. My mom hasn't been eating much.

    Well I will continue to pray for you and your dad. I'm so glad you have Bill.

    Take care,
  9. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and your dad.
    Write when you can.
  10. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write. Things have been a mess.

    Daddy signed up for that clinical trial. They did a scan on his heart, head, and stomach. His heart is weanker than they thought it was so he is not eligible for the study.

    On Tues. he told his lung Dr. off and told him he wanted out of the hospital, that the Dr. had messed his stomach up basically on purpose. He said he was leaving one way or the other. They did talk him into staying until yesterday due to the tests. I guess he even went off on a nurse and called hera dumb ***. There was even some people come in and talk to him to due with eler health and they said on he is ready to go home.

    He is home, it was all he could do to walk up to the door of the apartment. My brother thought he needed to come home too. We took him home and made sure that he was settled and left. My brother can take care of him for a day or two.

    He does have a appointment with the cancer Dr. today so we will see what he says.

    My wonderfuld brother told me that he didn't know where the china was that Daddy had told him to box it up and that he couldn't find it to do that. He doesn't realize that I have already been in the apartment and seen that it wasn't there. I don't know if Daddy has noticed or not.

    How are things with you and your Mom? I truly hope that you guys are doing ok. Please keep me informed.

    Thank you for being here to listen to me.

    God bless; Pam
  11. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam, sorry your dad wasn't able to go into the study. What happened at the oncologist? Oh gosh sorry about the name calling your dad did. Its awful to see him act that way my mom sorta did the same in the beginning.

    Well I hope your dad doesn't notice the china but even though Buds lying ( right why in the world would your dad want the china packed for what?) hopefully he believes it.

    I just want to protect my mom as it hurts me 10 times more.

    Things aren't going good at the NH. The nurse not aid threatened my mom but my mom won't tell me as she is scared. She said the same nurse kinda hit her on the arm. I'm scared as they don't do anything anyway. I've seen her being mistreated and told and nothing happens.

    So if I tell on this nurse and nothing happens then the nurse can be meaner and the word will get out that nothing will happen if we are mean.

    I haven't heard about the house. I can't take it. They may all be living in it again who knows. I am going to get my mom deamed competent.

    How are you feeling??? Are you able to get some sleep?

    Well write when you can and I'll be praying for you guys.

    Take care,
  12. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Well my mom is in ICU now. I went in today and she was rocking in her bed like choking. I went down the hall and then said somethings wrong with my mom and then just started going hysteircal.

    They came in and went to her and kept me away and called code blue. I was just soooooo hysterical. I went home and then back to emergency cause of Snuggless(actually Joan drove me to the er)

    The emergency wouldn't let me in for an hour. Then the dr said her oxygen was 60 and her color was a dark as my navy blue shirt. SHe just about died. Shes has tubes down her troat again and they are treating her for pheumonia.

    I'm gonna go back tonight but I am so tired. They are putting her in ICu. I DON"T like this hospital. It is only 3 miles away but I don't like it.

    I feel so bad she wanted me to come soon on the phone and I talked to the social worker but said can I go say hi to my mom for a minute. If I didn't do than shed be dead but also if I saw her first when I got there (NH) she would be better.

    Well where is your dad?

    Take care,
  13. Rene

    Rene New Member

    HI Well I just got back from the hospital. She is stable but in ICU on the ventalator. She was knocked out. The dr is supposed to call me tomorrow morning as to tell me her prognosis. I don't know why the nurse couldn't tell me.

    I don't like this hospital. It IS very clean but the nurse wasn't with us the whole time and my mom was her only patient. At UC Davis they don't leave the room but maybe 5 min an hour. The nurse was nice though and thankfull they have big reclineable chairs.

    Well I got ta go

    Take care,
  14. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    My gosh I am so sorry about your Mom. Do you know yet what is wrong with her? I am really sorry that she is back in the hospital and in ICU on the ventalator.

    Don't blame yourself, it sounds like you got in her room at the right time. As far as the hospital I understand completely how you feel.

    Is there any way you can talk to the social worker about the way that your Mom is being treated in the NH. They keep telling me that the SW are there for the patients and families.

    Daddy is at his apartment. He seems to be doing ok. We took him to the cancer Dr. yesterday. Bill let us out at the door and he had to rest before he could get in the wheel chair to go up stairs. He had his first treatment also. I guess they can give the same medience as in the study but not in as large a dose. He had the IV medience yesterday. The pills cost $4000 a month, the nurse called Daddy's insurance and they said that they won't pay for them because he did not try chemo first. She is going thru the manufactuer to get the pills for him free. They where really nice and even gave him a weeks supply for free. He said that his stomach was a little crampy after, that is one of the side effects.

    Again Rene I am truly sorry about your Mom. You and her both have been thru so much. I don't blame you I wouldn't worry about the house right now. Please try hard to get some rest.

    I am here if you need to talk. You and your Mom are in my prayers.

    God bless; Pam
  15. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam, The dr was supposed to call me at 8 this morning and didn't. I didn't get any sleep. I called the nurse and my mom is still the same. I called the dr and left a message.

    The nursing home and hospital are owned by the same co. She looks really bad and I don't know if she will make it. The er doctor (Joan remided me this morning) said he doesn't know if she will make it. Thats better then saying she won't make it.

    She wanted me to sign don't resesitate papers a long time ago. I'd get ready to do it and told her I can't. I told the Social worker to do it with her (months ago) so I didn't have to be involved.

    She would be at so much more peace if she died but I don't want her to die. I don't know if that is mean of me.

    I'm glad you dad gets his meds for cheap. I bet you can request a downstairs apt. and they give you one. Do they have hospice coming?

    Well I'm so tired I can't go see her but hopefully by dinner time I can. I had a hard time showering.

    My mom had been asking for breathing treatments and so had I. She was to have them and they wouldn't do it. She offered to pay them she told me that to give her breathing treatmemts about a week ago.

    Well I'm so depressed and out of it.

    I talk to you latter.
    Take care,
  16. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I am so sorry that you are going thru so much. Your dear Mom is going thru so much too. No you are not mean for not wanting to loose her. She is the only mom you will ever have and you want her to be with you.

    Why wouldn't the nursing home give her the breathing treatments? People can be so lazy. You just remember that you have been a wonderful daughter and have done everything that you could.

    No hospice is not coming around. Daddy did not want any part of it. I was suppose to meet with them and decided to wait. We where told that if he decided to have any treatment that he could not have hospice. He is agaist it so I will wait for now. I just talked to him and he said that he was weak after he got home. It was probably being out and a side effect from the treatment.

    The home health care nurst went and saw him today. He said that would not last long about all she did was take his blood pressure. That has never been a problem.

    I wish there was something I could say to you to make you feel better. Please know that your Mom and you are both in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself and get some rest. I know it is hard. If you need to talk I am here.

    God bless; Pam
  17. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam how are you and your dad? I wish that home nurse would check more then his BP. Does your dad have a measure for his oxygyen level? Do you feel better that he is home or do you like him in the hospital?

    Well the dr did call today he was nice thankfully. He didn't really have much for me as to why her oxygen went down. He made me feel better about not signing the DNR form. He said the goal was to get her off the ventalator. T

    Well I did make it twice to see her. She was non responsive and I just start crying when I see her. Tonight I went about 8 and she could sorta open her eye and hold my hand. I don't know what shes feeling (hot cold pain) ect. as she can't speak.

    Don't worry if you can't write back I understand. I was so waiting for your reply cause you make me feel good so thanks.

    I just can't believe we are going through the same stuff with our parents and brother ect.

    Take care and you are still in my thoughts and prayer.
  18. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I am glad that the Dr. finally called you. Does he have any idea how long it will take her to get off of the ventalator? Didn't you tell me at one time that she had COPD too?

    I understand what you mean about crying. When they said Daddy may have to go on a ventalator I lost it. I also lost it after the Dr. told me it was cancer, and when they told him. There where other times that I had to leave the room. I know they said that when they are on the ventalator that they sedate them.

    I called Daddy's only living sister last Saturday and she said that she will call me on Tues. (this past) as of today I have not heard a thing from her. He wanted me to call and I did. First words out of her mouth where "I haven't heard any thing from him since Bobby died. He never calls or comes around." Well she didn't either.

    Thank you for your constant thoughts and prayers. You are as always in mine to. It makes me feel good to hear from you also.

    You are right we are both going thru so much of the same. I was telling Bill about it and he said that same thing.

    If you need to talk I am here. Take care of yourself and try really hard to get plenty of rest.

    Hugs. Pam

  19. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi Pam how are things? That would break my heart about your dads sister. Shes not going to call and thats gonna really hurt your dad. I will just about die from grief if my mom says why isn't my son calling. They were always close.

    Well I saw my mom last night and today Joan made me go out to lunch. I didn't want to go I mean I wanted to go but my body didn't but she made me and then we went to see my mom.

    My mom was asleep I can only tell because sometimes she can open her eyes as squeeze my hand. I also thought she looked better to so thats good and I didn't even cry. The nurse said nothings changed so I don't know if thats good or bad. I took it as good.

    I looked up hospice and I want to get that if I can. It sounds wonderful. They give a lot of help to the kids of the sick parents it sounds like.

    Well how is your dad feeling? How are you holding up?

    I wished we didn't have so much in common but its a good thing we do. My ex husband was named Bill too.

    Take care and write when you can.
  20. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I am glad that your friend made you go out for lunch and a change of scenery. It is so hard when you are going back and forth to the hospital and dealing with all of those things.

    How is your Mom doing now. Have they found out what caused her to have such breathing problems? Is she still on the vent and in ICU? You guys are still in my prayers and thoughts.

    I went and saw Daddy today. He seemed to be doing fairly well. He said he was weak and his stomach seemed to be bothering him. These are both side effects of the treatment he got.

    The home health nurst told him that he had to stay home and be home bound for medicare to pay for the nurse.

    It may have been me but it seemed like there was tension in the apartment when we got there.

    You are right about Daddy's sister. I have heard nothing and she has not called him.

    I hope that your Mom gets better soom. I also hope that you are able to get some rest.

    Please let me know how things are.

    God bless; Pam