But you don't LOOK sick,,,,,, Grrrrr

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by razorqueen, Oct 4, 2005.

  1. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    this is a comment that really burns me. Do I have to be on my death bed in order to be recognised as being a person with an illness? Or how about this,,,, hair not done, no make-up on,"boy, your looking good!" :-\ Well, I am so pleased that YOU think so! Now try to convince my BODY that it is fine!
    Sorry, just had to vent, LOL
  2. Rene

    Rene New Member

    I hear ya Raz. It makes me mad too. Google "Ida you don't look sick" and you will get to a site I think actually its called Idas web pages. She has really good articles on this. She has MS.
    Hardly any disease is visable. Heck nobody would have gotten aids if you could tell. Maybe shingles or even if you have a major limp what disease would that be? You could have just hurt you leg or have MS or whatever. YOu can't see illness!

    LEFTYGG Member

    I lost 40lbs while i was really sick mind you im still 50lbs overweight so its embarrassing when people go on and on about how good i look. they really talk about it all the time im out on and on sometimes i thank them and then say its because im sick so that stops it.really i like the compliments but then again i feel lousy but my ego wants me to look good and not old thx gail
  4. rileyearl

    rileyearl New Member

    I've had people I barely know say something about how much weight I've gained or, when I was younger, ask when my baby was due. Once I snapped, "It's from the chemo." That particular person pretty much went away.

    I think someone who says how good you look when they know you are sick is fair game for the conversation to turn to new research on FM being contagious.

    Take care!

  5. Toga

    Toga Member

    I'm going to use that contagious line. That's great.

  6. cobie

    cobie New Member

    See that car over there? Looks fine eh, its got NO ENGINE.! This is my new line. !!!!! Cobie.
  7. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    maybe it IS contagious!!! Good one!
  8. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    I have lost a "friend" that was basically like a sister to me since I was three years old, and I'm now a very "healthy-looking" 50; so it was a long, long relationship. I eat well, take really good care of myself, work out as much as possible...and hurt like h** a whole lot of the time but only in the last three to four years.

    Her brother is the family practice doc that prescribed bad drugs for me and even told my private disability company that there was nothing wrong with me...then why did he prescribe Oxycontin anyway? (Don't worry, I stopped taking it cold turkey after about six months of the crap.) AND he seems to have lost his medical license, having nothing whatsoever to do with me.

    But because of him I lost $3,000 a month because they thought I was just a drug addict, not sick.

    Thing is that whenever she speaks with me, she always grills me about how I'm feeling. I moved twice this year, by myself, all my office stuff and my home. She was always like a sister to me and never even offered to help. She thinks I look too darn healthy to be sick and that I'm making the whole thing up. Sometimes it makes me so angry. I actually gave up the friendship completely because parts of it are just not able to be fixed, but every now and then I try again. It never seems to work, no matter what I do because she always has me playing defense, and I can't do it. I just don't have the strength.

    (guess i'm having a soapbox kind of day. sorry!!!)

  9. Kat_in_Texas

    Kat_in_Texas New Member

    I went in to see my primary care physician for my Cymbalta refill not long ago. I felt awful that day and could barely drag myself to his office. When he came in the exam room, I was trying to explain to him how lousy I felt, and was asking about other pain relief meds that he could prescribe. He wouldn't even LISTEN to what I was saying ... he just kept following up every one of my comments with "Well, you sure LOOK good." What the heck did that mean???? I actually got the impression that he was actually LEERING at me, ick.

    I was an idiot to sit there and take that and not get in his face about it ... I'm still not sure why I didn't, I suppose I was just so dumbfounded, not to mention exhausted from just being there. He's never done that before or since then, but that was enough. I'm only going to continue seeing him for refills and such until I find a doctor I can trust to listen to me!


  10. dancingstar

    dancingstar New Member

    Thing is that they don't know what to do with us...and they don't really believe us.

    For me it was the toughest cause I was working out, teaching five exercise classes a week when I was seeing the evil family practice doc. He didn't get it at all, thought I was lying.

    I would sleep an hour, go teach for an hour or two, come home, collapse for the rest of the night. Couldn't even take a shower or eat dinner, had to sleep. To make matters worse, I literally never ate, and when I did eat, it was only things like a bite of salmon or something like that, and my weight ballooned up to 150 on effexor.

    I figured that the exercise was the only thing that would keep my joints moving in case maybe one day someone found a cure for my sleep sickness and I was actually not dying; so I kept it up as long as I possibly could.

    I hope you find a great doctor soon that can help you.
  11. debv60

    debv60 New Member

    i just love that saying but you look so good and healthy i guess you have to be all puffy and bald to get some sympathy from people like i dont want any anyway. let people walk in our shoes for 1 day or even an hour and see how they would still be smiling at the end of it
  12. twinkles49

    twinkles49 New Member

    I've often thought, what do I need to do here, lay down in the middle of the floor and scream hysterically in pain to get you to believe that I am in pain

    I've also thought, gosh maybe when I pass out or fall on my face from weakness that you will believe I'm truly weak.

    What gets me is if you stand there and say "I've got cancer and I'm in pain". They fall all over themselves to help you. Can they see the cancer? Sometimes they can tell but not always
  13. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    Before reading this, I can have a very sick sense of humor.... LOL

    Maybe when we are going to be out and about with family and friends, we need to contemplate ways of maiming our bodies.

    A few suggestions, trip down a flight of stairs; walk briskly into a door, have a physical confrontation with someone and come out the loser....

    Of course I am kidding, but what does it take? To date, I have found nothing.

    My Mom is in a complete state of denial, and believes it is my bipolar acting up. Quite frankly, my BP has never caused faitgue, dark circles, painful body aches, etc., etc. My BP has not caused as many problems as those we all deal with.

    She will mention I look 'tired', but then says I won't know what pain or fatigue is until I am in my sixties or seventies. As I am walking like a senior citizen and she isn't. I love her, but fibro/cfs friendly, she ain't! LOL She's a nurse too.... Irony!

    No suggestions. Maybe just fall in a heap at the persons feet and don't respond quickly!

    Good luck to us all!


  14. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    The last couple years I was only able to work about 2 hours a day. I got so tired of people saying, "I wish I could go home early," when I left the office.

    It would be convienent if we had some symptom that would let people know: bright blue face maybe.

    Couple of times I said, "Fine. I hope you too are disabled at age 40."

    Well, can't be sweet and patient all the time.
  15. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    said in answer to the 'You look well' or 'You dont look sick'


    I like that

  16. ImDigNiT

    ImDigNiT New Member

    He warned me right off that people would have a hard time believing I was sick.

    Sometimes I really do look sick to people and they don't bother me. However, when I do look half way decent I welcome complements, although I don't get them like I use to, oh well. I don't have to prove anything to anyone because I am the only one that knows how I feel.

    Peaceful mind and body to all.

  17. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    ... I'm 5'9" ( Scottish blood ) .. and I don't scare small children or animals ( after I have a cup of coffee and been in the shower that is ) .. I'm sure no one on here has ever said this ( well ... at least I don't think so ) .. taller people are even more of a target of "looking good" .. we have a some what commanding presence with the hieght issue .. don't ask me why, but it is definately there .. so even within this circle of disbelief, there is a smaller circle of people like me, that get the "you look too good to be sick ! " even more so ... sigh
    Fudge : )
  18. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I had to tell my family, I may not look sick, but please notice how many end-on-end colds I have. Please notice those days when my voice is gruff from sore throats. Look at my eyes, so red and squinty.

    I wanted to say, notice how shallowly I breathe but due to cup-size, didn't mention that one ;).

    On my worst days, my hair goes extra frizzy. No amount of gel or hairspray will get it to stay put. I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket. My family has -- slooowly -- learned this is the sign of a very bad day!

    It's tough though, did I mention one day someone (a virtual stranger!) said to me, "So what do you do, lay around all day?!" I wanted to slap her. Probably because -- at that time frame, during a really bad bout of CFS -- it was sadly true.

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