Called an Addict

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ChungieDolor, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    My sister called me an addict a week ago!

    I did not respond, or maybe I did not want to argue. Or I must have been in shock. The next day, it really hit me, and to avoid a huge argument, I left a message on her home machine. I told her that I was very hurt about it, of course balling my eyes out! I...hate this crying bit, wish I could get a back bone. Before, I was sick, I was not so sensitive.

    Its been a week, and she has not called me. I get these deep breathing problems. Know its anxiety. Making a cup of chamomille tea as we speak. I have a little lavender oil, and have been inhaling it like crazy!

    By the way, she is very controlling, stubborn, and always tells me to try this and that, as if I have not tried everything, she gets very frustrated.

    I gave my family the spoon letter a few years ago, and read "ways to explain Fm & cfs".

    Does anyone have family who care and respect their friends more then their family members?

    Thanks for listening!
  2. pawneeem

    pawneeem New Member

    Hi Chungiedolor,

    I too have a sister that sounds very much like yours. I am sorry you are going through so much pain with her.It can be very draining.

    I try not to be in too much contact with mine.I realized years ago that she just causes me anxiety and I get very upset when I am around her. Now I limit visits and the time we spend together. We still see one another at family events but I avoid as much contact as possible. It has helped me a great deal. I realized I have to take care of myself first, that is most important now. (Besides, I don't think she has really noticed that I avoid her, I am still polite). It was a gradually pulling away but has been a lifesaver for me.
    Maybe this will help you as well.

    Hang in there!
    Blessings Pawn
    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2008]
  3. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    I appreciate your response and the unfortunate fact that I am not alone. There is a lot of drama involved with our family. My Dad passed away 3 years ago. Feels like just yesterday! He was a great listener!

    My mom has dementia, and my Mom lived with this sister for more then two years, and now Mom lives with another sister who is retired. It takes a lot of work and energy on their part. I wish I could help!

    I know, some of this comes from not being able to help out with Mom since I am unable to really take care of myself at times.

    Other sister understands a little more since her husband has many ailments as well! But she can be as sarcastic at times.

    In addition, the sister who called me addict has friends and family of friends who have FM, and can work, and do everything their heart desires. That was me 10 years ago.

    Wish I had a genie!

    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2008]
  4. colorfulcolorado

    colorfulcolorado New Member

    We have so much going on with my husbands health that I get swept under the carpet. And when people do say things its well your husband is sick and you must do this or that to keep him going. Hello! I can hardly keep going myself. We need meds to help with pain etc and we need lots of rest and a whole lot of understanding. If your sister never calls you back, so be it. Its not your fault that she is completely uneducated but thinks she knows everything. Stop crying and drink your tea and really for your own well being relax! You will only make yourself feel more terrible. I get so mad when people say we are drug addicts, sorry, but its been said to me before-I've known a few drug addicts and we are nothing like them! Hopefully you can find support here. Everyone seems really sincere and very helpful. Gentle Hugs!
  5. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    I may need a gallon of this chamomille to get me through. meds. Anyways, I can feel the chamomille working a bit thanks.

    Appreciate your support as this is not easy matter to handle. You would think family would be there for you through thick and thin.

    My husband has diabetes, and I am also concerned about him. He takes a few medications, but has not seen his doc in awhile. Thinks by losing weight that he has it under control. Lately, he looks like heck!

    My plate is getting full. I think, I need a bigger mug!

    God bless you Colorful!

  6. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I'm really sorry your sister doesn't get it. I had a similar problem wtih one of my sisters -- not re pain meds, I don't take any as I don't have FM, but just re my lack of energy etc due to CFIDS.

    Anyways, I had to learn, as someone else pointed out, to limit my time with her and to be really firm about my boundaries and what was acceptable to me. Basically I had to tell her to quit trying to tell me what to do and cut off contact if she wouldn't. We do get along better now, but it was quite rough for awhile.

    I've thought many times that if I had cancer or some other visible well-known illness, people would be more understanding.

    It just seems to go with the territory, this lack of understanding and really often a lack of respect. And it can be very painful. You've got to take care of yourself and do what you need to do to protect yourself. It's so ironic - these DD are so debilitating and awful and are so misperceived by most -

  7. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    I thank you a million times. I was told in the past that I may need to take this unfortunate action, only for my own well being.

    As a foot note to my message to my sister. I told her on the ans machine, that I appreciated everthing she has done for me and still love her, but she needs to think before she speaks.

    I certainly am not perfect, but have had to make many changes due to this terrible illness.

    I wish all a blessed day and less painful moments.

  8. msnova74

    msnova74 New Member

    My new response to someone in my life who is toxic is


    Come back and talk to me when you can count the days without pain in the last 8 years on one hand with fingers left over.

    I no longer feel like I have to mollycoddle hurtful people like this anymore.

    I know this is not the most positive attitude, but it is the phase I am going through.

  9. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    I was just about to get off the board, after reading some other messages, and read yours. Lol!!!!!!! Sometimes that dag fibrofog gets the best of me, and I rememeber why my Dad and I had so much in common, humor!!

    Thanks T!

    And to all others! This board is the bomb! ok-going a little far here, lol!
  10. baanders

    baanders New Member

    "Don't take narcotics for this or you'll be an addict." So I complained to the head nurse a few days later. I said, "ask her if she knows the difference between addiction, tolerence, and dependency." I bet she won't.

    I'm sorry. My sister bosses me around a lot. It hurts. Then I can't talk to her for days. No suggestions she makes helps. As St. August Mary said, "But by the grace of God there go I." In other words, they would never know what you're going through unless they are in your shoes. These are signs of being judgemental. It does hurt. Just know we care. I often call the State Crisis Hotline when I get too upset, so I can talk to someone on the phone. I wonder if this would help you. Then I sedate myself with Phenergan (an anti-nausea drug) to avoid a flare.

  11. ETN

    ETN New Member

    it's hard and I know where you are coming from.

    My sister and I have not always been close and she and my mother don't get what is going on with me at all. Nor do I share what is going on with me because they DON"T get it.

    Funny thing is when I was a baby until now I was always sick with something, you would think that my mom could figure that one out. BUT NO

    As far as toxic people, I have learned the hard way but I do NOT tolerate anyone that is toxic to be in my life. I think sick or not no one needs to deal with people that are just not nice.

    My dad died over 2 years ago and I haven't spoken to my mom since. Her choice obviously but there is a LONG history with her and I am not even able to begin that journey. I am better off. She was never nice to me and I have many other people in my life that love me for who I am.

    You were very fair in your call to your sister, they won't and will not get it.

    I worked in a pharmacy for 15 years and always would have customers coming in looking deathly ill, in braces, taking tons of meds and pain pills and I just couldn't get over how they did it on a daily basis, I had a heart for my patients, I loved what I did.
    But until I was on the other side of that counter you do NOT know what it is like to be chronically ill.

    Keep your chin up!
  12. ChungieDolor

    ChungieDolor New Member

    Sorry I missed additional responses to my message. I have not been on the computer due to a nasty flareup. You understand!

    I apprediate those who responded after my last message. As of today, my sister has not called me back. Are we surprised?

    Two weeks ago, she had me on the phone for hours talking about her boyfriend. I listen each time as usual. She had an argument with him, a week had passed and no call from him. She decided to confront him at his work.

    It is so sad that she makes efforts to make amends with her boyfriends, and friends, but not her sister? That blows me away.

    I am so happy this board is available to us, God bless you all!

  13. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    So your husband is diabetic and needs meds? I suppose he is an addict as well?

    I educate people every chance I get on the differences between addiction and dependency- long before they even bring it up.

    Whatever you do, remain strong. Don't be bullied. I have an older sister who I love dearly - but she certainly has a way with words and can bring me to tears easily. (I must say as far as my FM goes, she's been great.)

    Sometimes people say things because they are uninformed, or uneducated - maybe she needs a little lesson in what addiction is. There are some great articles on the National Pain Association website. I think you have to look under 'what's new" and there are articles listed. You might consider finding one, then emailing to her.

    We do not respond the same way to pain meds as "normal" people do.
  14. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    i also have given out
    info sheets about what we go thru
    andi truly dont think anyone read them
    cause its still like no one will
    even try to understand
    and also treat me like i am a addict ..
    .i am so tired of it all
    that i wish i could just go away
    to a cabin in the woods
    with my dogs and veg out....
  15. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I think your sister has a bug up her butt and she has to dish out abuse. Abuse makes her hurt people and once she feels their pain she feels in control. When those type of people get fibro, lupus and such, then they suddenly don't understand why there is no sympathy for them.
  16. well people are ignorant of this dd. I would like to see them suffer like we do every day. I would rather be an addict than suffer all the time in pain if it came down to that!

    My sil tells my brother who has bad painful rheumatoid arthritis, "You just need to exercise and lose weight". HELLO! She makes me mad!