Calling all Seniors............

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by caroleye, Mar 20, 2006.

  1. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Well, it's been a month of being housebound, and needed to vent, and ask for support.

    I'm one of those ex-high energy career women who disliked "hanging out" in the house. Even as a child, parents too dysfunctional to be around them.

    So here I am, in my 60's, and afraid to walk down my driveway as I'm bound to pull something (hamstrings, etc.).

    Talking wears me out.....eyes can only handle the computer & very light reading.......my arts & crafts days kept me going for many years; studied astrology, handwriting analysis; every religion on the planet, etc., etc.; lost interest in them & then became allergic to my kiddy scribble paints.

    I'll stand at the window & look out, and wonder........what the "h" am I doing here!!

    Anyone relate, and how are you coping........

    Thanks & LIGHT********carole

  2. chickadee

    chickadee New Member

    Hubby and I both have medical problems and don't feel like going unless we just have to. And, we don't feel like doing things we need to around the house.

    Mostly, we just stay out of each other's way. He watches a lot of TV or our backyard birds. I am on the computer a lot and I rest a lot.

    Not a real fun life.

    Peace
    Chickadee
  3. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    Boy do I know where your comming from, My husband is still working but he had his thyroid destroyed with a pill 10 yrs ago and has never felt the same he wishes he would have gotten a second opinon but that was when we still looked at Drs as God . but since we been down this path with my D.D. where much more cautions. Any how I know what you mean we rarely go any where any more just to tired most of the time.
    I still try to listen to music. but have to adjust the volume because my ears ring most of the time,but that does help me. we enjoy somethings on T.v. and we discuss his job and I tell hin things I"ve learn from this site. and we raise horses so we still have them in common.
    I had"t been able to go down to the barn since last fall but my hubby got my golf cart out this week end and I went down and saw the horses.I do get very lonely in the day time because we live in the country and I don"t see another person all day.but spring is on the way and we live in a wooded area so it won"t be long and there will be baby bunnies all over. my Grandkids call it bunnie land. I didn"t mean to go on so but I write down something good that happens every day this was my homework when I used to be so depressed all the time. Like the smell of clean sheets from the clothes line, a warm shower. a funny joke,mashed potatoes,thats my Grandsons.planning my garden. theres really alot of things. i try to remember what I liked as a child. give it a try for a week and let me know how it works. God Bless you. Sixtyslady

  4. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Carole, you're not a senior anymore until you're 70!LOL...

    Can you get a scooter? Why can't you walk down driveway? That's terrible you are so housebound.

    I stay home unless go to drs., partner does groceries and errands. I do cooking, bookkeeping, laundry, etc. She does all yard, pool and floor(s). she has physical energy, I have more mental.

    I think a scooter and van would open a whole new world for you...if only to go out and look at the world!

    If this is out of question, can you get to a bus stop and just go on it for a ride? Those 4 walls we look at every day can really get old, fast!

    Golly, just looked at your bio...I was in Army 74-80. Was just a secretary, but to Col. and Flt.Surg. , so had wonderful times. Got ARCOM for svc at walter reed. Was at Brooks AFB in a tri-svc ca.registry, then Ft. Sam and NCO in outprocessing station and admin asst to Flt. Surg. there. I'm 65 and holdin..

    Is there a specific reason you can't get out? (Pain, no energy, what?) I am so sorry. After my 18 yrs of this crap, I can plan ahead and sleep enough beforehand and get out for 4-5 hours, then just crash again.

    Hope spring brings a spring in your step and you get outta there for awhile!

    findmind


    [This Message was Edited on 03/20/2006]
  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    the young and old are sadden by the lack of our normal lifestyles...i am 41 and i feel less active than a senior ..with more stress plus needing to raise a child w/no help of family and the father lives 75 miles away..he moved away not us..

    go volunteer someplace..use your talents you have acquired..go to a senior group home or join a senior clu...or tyr just being a friend to the homebound like once a month mayb that will help mentally for a bit...

    j
  6. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Hi Senior, I so can relate to what you are feeling.

    I just don't know what to do with me anymore. The things I want to do, I can't and staying in the house drives me crazy but don't have the energy to get out..Company, which I seldom have gets on my nerves if it is a long visit..The children only visit when they want something or need a baby sitter..I love the greatgran babies but 2 hours with them and I am in bed..Then I feel guilty cause my granddaughter is a single mom trying to work and go to school and I know my children still need me..They would love to come for a homecooked meal and me be able to travel with them and us be like we once where or at least I long for that..

    My husband isn't well but still trying to work, we have no life or at least thats how I feel..This has been one of those bad days..Been from bed to recliner wonder what can I do with me..Then the depression finds me..

    There are days I have hope that I will get well but that is on a good day which is far and few between.

    Sure can relate but have no answers,
    greatgran
  7. Cactuslil

    Cactuslil New Member

    The realization sinks in and in my off-beat heart I know;
    locked by my phantom ailments...finally I cannot dream or go;
    I live in isolation;
    No friends drop by no daughters
    even my thirteen-year old son
    see the desolation.
    *
    Hope? I hope I don't get gastroenteritis ever again!
    Alone 6 days in a cold hospital
    Losing veins and all alone.
    *
    When some see me they don't see the hurt,
    betrayal laid upon me.
    Even now, my son tells me I have permission to use this
    computer I bought him with the money for my lower dentures
    is timed by his eagerness.
    *
    Ya'll know I lost my home a year ago so I'm ruled by
    a LANDLORD;
    My son, still beautiful and tender to me, has joined the family I fear.....an untouchable......like me.
    *
    So brothers and sisters alone like me..
    grasp what beautiful glimmers shine through
    I saw the sun shine through my black poodles hair
    what beauty would I see?
    *
    Fibromyalgia, MVP/PVC, neuro/arthro whatever else there be
    the years have taken its toll;
    No more days alone the gulf,
    days exploring the springs with my son,
    just no more save the split second of humanity
    when the sun shown through the windows pane.

    CactusLil'
    *
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I'll hit 60 in November, but as I have a later in life child who happens to need much support due to his autism, I HAVE to do things I maybe would not attempt otherwise.

    BTW 55 is considered by many places for senior discount, and the press will refer to "an elderly woman" if anyone is over 55!!!(LOL)

    The problem wiht this DD that people miss who do not have it, is how small tasks can impact us as if we lifted an elephant, and then how recovery mode takes weeks instead of hours. In some cases(Wake, I cried when you said 6 years)that recovery mode never kicks in at all.

    Having had a good few days I did the outrageous "exercise" of unscrewing a few screws yesterday with an electric driver, something that would have been not even considered work prior to DD. But now my body is rebelling.

    It is the same with the gastro problems, the headaches, the sore throats, the bone pain in the legs, the rib pains and all the other pains we get, the body seems to forget to release them from, say, taking a short walk, the legs still think they are walking when they stopped, so we get the pain and fatigue. No one understamnds, so this is why they are always expecting us to feel better. Why we expect ourselves to feel better. We deserve to feel better.

    This is why doctors get angry with us because all the books say we should be better, but for some reason it misses the get better signals.

    Oh BTW I was considered a senile mother when pregnant in my forties.

    Love Anne C

  9. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Carole,
    I'm sorry you are so sad and frustrated. I can identify. I used to play the piano, train dogs, paint go shopping, and go for "rides" into the country, for fun. Now, I can do none of those the way I usd to. In fact, the only one I still do, is paint, and that has diminished to one or two paintings a year.

    I was angry and depressed for a long time. Finally, I came to see my illnesses as a blessing. In your study of other religions, I'm sure you came upon the concept of Karma. Well, I have come to look on my illnesses as a chance to expiate my karma and that of others. It's not easy, but this is a motivating force for me. I'm meditating more, too. My meditation group (sangha) is a good support, even though I can't go often.

    What also helps, is that I've found a friend of like mind. We get together for tea at my house, often , and she comes over to meditate, too. It's good to talk about things - world affairs, etc., with someone who is non-judgmental and who is spiritual and intelligent.

    We even go food shopping together once a month. We go to Winco, Trader Joe's, and the health fgood store, and stop for a break, like coffee, or lunch. This one outing helps me a lot, and she, being the generous person that she is, also helps me physically, with lifting and bending. She even insists on carrying the groceries into my house for me. I'm really grateful for her. Sometimes she and her hubby come over for a light dinner and a movie.

    Well, this is how I cope. Illness can be a treasure. I'm trying not to waste it. Oh, did I mention, that sometines i cry a lot? :)

    Hugs, and peace,
    Terry
  10. Yucca13

    Yucca13 Member

    Not sure what is considered a senior (I just turned 59). I've been told that I'm a "young 59". If the person that said that could live in my body for 24 hours she would know that I feel at least 90. My mother is 85, healthy and can run rings around me in the energy department. In fact, I am apprehensive every time she visits because I know she will want to go, go, go and I'm never sure if I'll be able to keep up.

    I never had a career, was a stay-at-home mom with four kids and babysat others for years also. I guess my inner life has always kept me going. The town I live in is pretty sorry. There aren't many reasons to go out here. Grocery shopping,library, thrift shop (I hate Walmart).

    I have a bunch of cats; try to garden (in containers); belong to a few groups on the Internet, knit and spend some of my time doing the necessary chores and I like to cook when I'm in the mood. Made a three layer chocolate cake a while back but if I don't get it out of the house (my husband doesn't eat many sweets) I will eat it all!!! Didn't used to watch tv much but now look forward to watching Home and Garden shows and Martha. It's amazing to see what others with lots of energy accomplish. I think I live in a dreamworld a lot to survive.

    My own kids have told me that it is my choice to go out or not and that I want people to feel sorry for me. It really isn't my choice whether I go out or not sometimes because I just can't due to pain, exhaustion or just lack of will power to bother.
  11. Mar19

    Mar19 New Member

    This past Jan marked 10 yrs that I've been almost completely housebound, and I'm only in my mid 50's.

    I really miss being able to do all the things I used to do, but I've come to realize that I just have to accept what I have and develop new interests. (Like collecting dust? LOL) Thankfully, I've always been a voracious reader or else I don't know what I'd be doing.

    Mar
  12. kriket

    kriket New Member



    I am 28 and my grandmother is 89. She talks about the way she feels and it's kind of scary b/c I feel the same way. She said the other day that she felt like she had been picking cotton all day. I've never picked cotton, but I told her I must have been right there with her. It's depressing when your 28 and feel like your 90.
  13. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Well it's a "new" day, and my mindset is much different than from my lst post.

    First, to answer some of your questions.......along with my full-time career, and being a single mom, I managed to volunteer along the way. The last 7 years of my volunteering ended 4 years ago when I could no longer talk long enough. I had developed & was facilitating life-coping skills for 'at risk' kids. Schools weren't into that when I started them, so I just gave them my time.

    After that we bought a horse ranch, and that was one of the highlights of my life, as my passion has always been horses. Then had to let that go. That was the icing on the cake for me, because it was another "service" job where I helped the horses with their health care, as well as rode the trails.

    What I have to continuously remind myself is that I had one great life; worked hard & played harder. Nothing out there that I feel I've missed. It's just the "new life" is so different, and as one of you said........it feels more like "existing".

    Taking a last try at having horses on our property (other people's), so I can drive my ole truck down the hill & breathe in their healing energy.

    "Sixtyslady".......got any trail horses I can borrow? haha.
    Where is your ranch?

    Well, it's Dr. day for neurofeedback......let's see what
    my brain chemistry shift will bring to my mindset.

    Just gotta "follow that yellow brick road"!!

    LIGHT**********carole
  14. fifthofanickel

    fifthofanickel New Member

    "What a life we live"....Hh & I try to live w/in our capabilities. Many times we overdo & "pay the price".

    I had a dream the other nite, I was about 10yrs. old, sitting on the curb in front of my house, smelling the burning leaves, looking at the cornflower blue sky & fluffy white clouds. Ahhhhhhhh, took me away from this dysfunctional body for a bit...When I awoke, there were tears on my face. I miss the "old" me...

    Take care everyone; I keep each & everyone of you in my prayers.

    Hugs & Blessings;
    Fifth
  15. janieb

    janieb New Member

    Carole,

    Have had fibro for about 15 years. Since working an exhausting career, taking care of my mother with alzheimers (and father in nursing home with same), and raising an infant granddaughter.

    I was fortunate to have supportive people around me, and somehow, we got through. At 50 I negotiated an early retirement contract knowing I'd never make it past that time. I made it, and two years ago retired.

    This questions is for anyone who wants to write me - Everything I've heard says fibro is not progressive. In my case, it certainly seems to be. Either I'm suffering from laziness, depression, or some other horrible disease because there's no stamina to do anything. Cleaning the spare bedroom Sunday left me in tears for two hours and pain medication did not help.

    This just isn't living, but what I need to know, is "what's ahead." I'm a planner and need to know if this is going to get worse. Found a doctor who they tell me specializes in fibro, but it's taking over a month to get in to see her.

    Mary
  16. chickabee

    chickabee New Member


    You mean I'm not a senior until I hit 70?? Good, I still have 8 more years to go. I know the feeling of being cooped up in the house, not doing as much as I used to before. I am just waiting for the springtime to get here. Summer and watching the flowers come through the garden. I try to keep a smile on my face, maintain a sense of humor.

    Have found I can no longer clean the whole house in one day, but do a little here and there. I figure it will be there waiting for me.

    I look in the mirror and say what the "H" happened to me but still keep telling myself there will be a better day. Even on the really bad days I don't dwell on it, I have found that the more I dwell the worse I feel.

    Hope everyone has some good days soon and can keep them a bit longer then usual... lots of soft hugs to everyone. nanc
  17. fifthofanickel

    fifthofanickel New Member

    In my case, over the past 20yrs.now, things have gotten worse.. I think along w/the aging process, it does. Coping is such a huuuuge process w/all of this. I did the wash today, & am now down for the count.

    After any activity, it's all rest, rest, & more rest. I have no stamina, energy, or much strength left. I just "do" what I need to do & not much of that. Good thing I'm retired & can rest when I want to. Those that work can't...

    All I do is the best I can, & pray for a "good day" once in awhile, which I haven't had for a looooooong time.

    You have a full plate, take it ez on yourself, & be proud of the fact you are taking care of an elderly person & your grandchild? Forgive me I can't remember what was said I wish we could read all the replies as we reply..Esp. when fibro-fog sets in...lol..

    All the best to you;
    Hugs & Blessings;
    Fifth
  18. janieb

    janieb New Member

    Thank you for answering. I think I mislead you. It was while I was working, raising my granddaughter and had my mother with us that I first began the fibro.

    Now retired and just two of us in the house. My husband is very good about doing anythin I ask him to. We grocery shop together so he can load and unload and that sort of thing. He won't hear of me painting ((which I don't think I could anyway).

    I want to do what I can; it's just learning the limits that's the problem. I know that two days of doctor appointments wears me out for several days, and when I have little ones for a few days it totally wears me out.

    Anyway, now I know! It makes sense to me that age would play a big part and I'm fortunate that I got early retirement.

    Thanks.

    Mary
  19. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    This may sound weird but here goes....

    I suggest you do the following tomorrow - sleep in, get up and dress, etc and get ready to go out. Try to leave the house by 11 AM.

    Take a large tote bag with needlework, crosswords, magazine to read, etc.

    Drive to the largest nice medical center/hospital in your city. Eat your lunch there in the cafeteria, then find a quiet place with a comfortable chair to sit, like a large waiting room (away from sick patients).

    While you are sitting, do needlework, read, talk on cell phone, etc. Just relax and people watch.

    You can also take a short nap and no one will care or notice - it is common to see people waiting who nod off.

    Bottom line, you are not sitting inside the house all day.

    Probably towards the end of the day you will feel better. Stop at a restaurant on the way home for dinner - or have your husband meet you there for dinner.

    When you come home at the end of the day, you will feel better for just having been out of the house - even if you basically rested all day.

    If someone asks, just say you are there visiting friend.

    I know it sounds weird, but if you stay away from the emergency area, and people with colds - the hospital is a very comfortable place to hang out during the day.

    You could also try a nice shopping center if they have comfortable chairs somewhere.

    The more you stay in the house, the weaker you will get. (both physically and psychologically). At least if you are visiting a hospital and sitting, you get some walking in.

    It is insidious - before you know it, you have not left your home for weeks. Two years ago that was my life.

    Make yourself get out, when you arrive at your destination, rest, read, eat... just try it.

    I stumbled on the idea about the hospital when my husband had to have surgery last year. I discovered I found a place I could sit, rest, eat, see people and then go home.

    My husband is actually glad I found a way to get better.