Calling mamaeagle0103

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mme_curie68, Mar 29, 2006.

  1. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    I hear you! I am also a friend of Bill W.

    I have learned to be careful in the program - there are a lot of people who judge anyone perjoratively if they are taking benzodiazepines for anxiety or narcotics for pain. And there are many alcoholics who do abuse sedatives and narcotics.

    However, I see a huge difference from being appropriately treated for pain/anxiety/whatever and abusing those medications as a drug addict.

    My drug of choice was alcohol. I have never hidden the fact that I am in recovery from any of my doctors or clinicians. I am upfront about that because without my sobriety I am dead. End of story.

    Taking a medication AS PRESCRIBED is not drug abuse. AA speaks very clearly about those of us who need to seek outside help for issues outside of alcohol.

    I have heard many jerks at the podium talking about other people - even people who need anti-depressant medication as "chewing their booze".

    Every AA'er has their own opinion about medications. We have to make our own decisions when it comes to using these medications. BUT a lot of "popular opinion" is based on ignorance of the chemistry of addiction.

    When I was preganant and in labor with my first daughter I tried to labor without any medication because I was only sober for 1 year before I delivered.

    So when it came time to get an epidural, I asked for just lidocaine first without the narcotic. Well 20 minutes later lidocaine was not working by itself.

    Then I actually discussed it with the anesthesiologist - come to find out, when medication is injected into your epidural space, it doesn't go anywhere else in your system - so here I was 24 hours into labor and unable to stay on top of it with lamaze alone - and I was hampered by my own ignorance.

    So the anesthesiologist added the other drug they usually add into the epidural space - Fentanyl, and 5 minutes later I was laboring pain free and NOT BUZZED. My body stopped fighting itself and I went from 4 cm to 10 cm in 2 hours!!!!!

    That was my first lesson in sobriety ignorance. I have since taken pain medication as prescribed when I needed it.
    Root canals and c-sections don't go well without adequate pain control.

    I am very careful who I choose to tell and not tell about what medications I take in AA - even the regular ones. First, its really nobody's business but mine and my physician. Second, many people have very unenlightened opinions about mental health issues in general, even in AA. Third, people feel the need to "confess" all their sins or talk about the "sins" of others despite what the program asks for in "what you talk about here, stays here" - baloney! Human nature being what it is, many people enjoy discussing the "sins" of others rather than "Live and Let Live."

    My sponsor does know about my medications. And she understands. If your sponsor is not supportive, you need to get another sponsor.

    Finally, remember that there are A LOT of sick people in AA. That's why they're there. I have learned over time that I need to "stick with the winners" - people who enjoy long-term sobriety and know what it is to live a life without alcohol and stay away from the "toxic" people who pretend they are in recovery and meanwhile are doing the "marijuana maintenance plan" every day or are abusing everything in the sun they can get their hands on.

    Be honest with yourself, be honest with your docs.

    My decision never to lie in sobriety was the best one I ever made by myself and for myself. I have over nine years "one day at a time" and I too have been diagnosed with FM in sobriety.

    If the time comes that I need narcotic medication for pain relief I am not going to deny myself the pain relief. However, I will do it with the knowledge and consent of my medical practitioners. That's my choice to make and if I make it openly with them, I am already ahead of the game.

    Because all the choices I made drunk were in favor of alcohol, not me, my health or the quality of my life.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  2. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

  3. mamaeagle0103

    mamaeagle0103 New Member

    I appreciate that so much. I had almost 6 years when the pain got so bad I chose to drink again. I will never forget that first drink. In 1995 sitting in my shower, alone, middle of the night, bawling my eyes out because I knew exactly what I was doing. Choosing to consume something that I knew would eventually consume me in the end. After 8 years of being back out there, working on my story, I got so tired of it. My daughter was not even 7 months old and I knew this was NOT the mom I was going to be for her and my son. He was not even three yet. I came back August 25, 2003 and am so grateful for the blessings I have been given. It is like I went into hibernation for 8 long years and I am waking back up in this older, more damaged body. The FM didn't go away because I drank. It is kind of funny, they say that your alcoholic disease is sitting there waiting for you to just grab that first drink, it doesn't go away. Well, FM sits there also. Of course I did not get DX until 3 weeks ago, but the FM has been there for at least 15 years. I am still unsure of my sponsor and that is not a good place to be in. Needless to say, my mouth is shut at the meetings right now. I am just paying very close attention to all the females to hopefully find a sponsor that will be firm but loving and compationate. I would never expect anyone to understand the dificulties of FM, but to not even be willing to try is a whole different story. It says right on our chip "To thyne own self be true" and that is something I am working on every day. Rambling here and need to try to sleep. Thank you soooo much. Erin D, grateful recovering Alcoholic.
  4. mamaeagle0103

    mamaeagle0103 New Member

    Just bumping up to say hello
  5. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    Glad to hear I helped - I was actually off the board for a few days because I went on my Matt Talbot Retreat (12-step retreat, started out Catholic, but its really non-denominational) this past weekend.

    I find it really helps me stay connected with my sobriety. Its for women only but there are mens' groups as well - I can't tell you how much influence it's had in helping me maintain my sobriety despite lots of adversity.

    In the time for reflection I found that I need to step it up with doing another 4th and 5th - I last did one 9 years ago, and I need to belong to a Step group in addition to my home group.

    Good luck with the sponsor shopping. I had to "divorce" my first two but my third was a charm!

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie