Callum, welcome back

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by morningsonshine, Feb 14, 2008.

  1. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Nice to see ya posting.

    How did your acting in the two (i think?) plays turn out?? Did you end up flaring? Were you pleased with your performance?? Hope so!

    Take Care,
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Whatcha been up to lately?

    Glad to see you're back.

  3. Callum

    Callum New Member

    Thanks for saying "Hi"! Missed you guys.

    The summer couldn't have gone better. I learned how to set boundaries, and ask for what I needed, and because of that, I was healthier than I ever thought possible.

    Since has been rough, which is why I haven't been posting. My mom, at the age of 69, developed vascular dementia in record time. In August, my partner and I went to visit her, and she was doing well. Four weeks later, I flew back to help around the house, and she couldn't write a check, she couldn't keep track of medication, she'd put on two pair of pants... Now she is in assisted living, and she seems to be going downhill very quickly. (She had brain surgery when I was in high school, and apparently, that can speed up the progress of dementia if the brain has previously been cut into.)

    Although I've been talking to her every day on the phone, yesterday she told the hospice nurse that "Oh, honey, I don't have a son." Not out of malice. At that moment, she thought she was speaking the truth.

    So, with taking on her power of attorney, working my day job and doing theater, I am just shocked that the CFS/ME has been at bay for the most part - just slight flares.

    Well, that was more than you asked for, just from saying "Hi."

    morningsonshine - how have you been? Has your health been cooperating?

    Rock - How are you and Gordon doing? Have you read any good books lately?

  4. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    So nice to hear from you. I am glad you're health as improved, how fantastic!

    I am sorry about your Mom, it must be hard to deal with dementia. She is lucky to have you taking care of things for her. I will say a prayer for her and that you have the strength to keep going.

    Come talk to us when you can. Kim :)
  5. Callum

    Callum New Member

    That's very kind of you. And I will come talk to you guys more often - it always lifts my spirits.[This Message was Edited on 02/15/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/16/2008]
  6. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    Glad you were able to advocate for yourself about things you needed to keep from flaring while working!

    Sorry to hear about your mom, That's tough!

    It can be shocking when our loved ones take a turn for the worst so fast. Don't forget to keep taking care of yourself, and enjoy as much as you can with your mom even if she doesn't always remember, I think we always know when someone cares about us.

    I lost my grandmother last spring to cancer, and find myself missing her at different turns in my life.

    I wouldn't have said, "Hi" if i wasn't interested in hearing the truth!

    It was a tough X-mas season for me, not that i didn't enjoy it, it just weared me out for along time. Starting to have a few better days again.

    It's been bitterly cold, so looking forward to spring, and hopefully getting outside in the sun. Haven't been doing anything with my horses, between the cold, and not feeling strong enough.
    But still hoping for the best. Keep in touch as you can.

    So as they say, "Break a leg" (strange saying that one??)
    And i'll, "Cowboy up" and try and get back in the saddle this spring. LOL!!


    [This Message was Edited on 02/16/2008]
  7. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I was just going to drop by and remark on how gorgeous you are, how much I enjoy being reminded to look at your profile and how unfair it is that you are so delicious... you know what I mean;~)

    And, here you are dealing with such a difficult situation. I am sorry. Your mother is young to be dealing with this. I'm sure it isn't anything you could have been prepared for in any way.

    May you continue to hold up as well as you are. Life is pretty relentless, isn't it. I suppose that's a good thing all considered.

    Take care of yourself,
  8. Callum

    Callum New Member

    mornin' - I'm so sorry it's been a rough winter for you health-wise. I hope that the proverbial corner is within sight for you to turn. And how kind of you to reach out when you're not necessarily feeling your best!

    Rafiki - You always make me feel so good. And I miss our conversations, circumventing the taboo topics of politics/religion. I hope you've been well?

    My mother's turn was a tremendous shock, and, I think, made a little harder as I'm the only family member. When my Dad left when I was fourteen, the two of us were it. I'm an only child of an only child of an only child. No cousins, uncles/aunts - and no children. Thank goodness my partner comes from a large Catholic family!

    On the positive side, so many children have to fight with their parents to get them the help they need. My mom knew something was wrong, and she wanted to find a good place. I was able to include her in every step of the plan, and I never had to feel like the "bully". And, I hate to say it, but most of my life, my mother was a very unhappy woman. Since she's started down the slippery slope, she's just so--happy! Child-like. That's a huge gift.

    And so is this board! Thanks to all for being yourselves and allowing me to be a part of it!

  9. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    "they f*%# you up."

    It must be tough to manage the situation with your mother alone. Thank heaven you have a partner! And, a nice big family once removed. Nice big families may be at their very best once removed.

    I have a younger brother in Canada but all other relations are out of country and out of touch. My brother and I are not close but it was good to have each other around at the end of my mother's life when she suffered from dementia. Unfortunately, her dementia did not bring her any peace but only made her more combatative which did not seem possible.

    I will wish for you that your mother's condition be stabilized in some happy place. For myself, I would choose happy but a little gaga over sharp and miserable. (I may well be happy and a little gaga right now.) "With it" is vastly overrated, I think, while happiness gets very short shrift. May she be happy.

    And, may you carry on coping so well. I just realized that I sound like a fairy at Sleeping Beauty's Christening with all my "may" shes and "wish" yous. Ah well, life would be a sad and boring enterprise without some good fairies.

    Peace and strength to you, you gorgeous hunk of man,



    This Be The Verse

    They f*%# you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    But they were f*#@ed up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,
    Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another's throats.

    Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out as early as you can,
    And don't have any kids yourself.

    Philip Larkin

    I find this little verse so gentle and forgiving and thought I'd share in case you had not come across it. I always found it a comfort when coping with my mother who very probably did the very best she could, poor woman.


    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2008]
  10. Callum

    Callum New Member

    Rafiki -I loved that poem... so true!

    I'm sorry your mother was combative - I know she was ill, and couldn't help it, but it doesn't make losing her by bits any easier, does it?

    But rough childhoods can make us stronger, and more interesting. I'm convinced that Barbra Streisand's career was all about trying to earn her mother's approval. If her mom had loved her for who she was, and made her feel beautiful as God made her, she probably would have been an interior designer or politician.

    For me, I wouldn't have near the vulnerability on stage that I'm credited for having if my mother had not been a wounded animal constantly lashing out at those she loved most.

    I'll probably mangle this line from "The Fantasticks", but:

    Who understands the secrets of the reaping of the grain,
    Or why spring is born again from winter's laboring pain,
    Or why we all must die a bit before we live again.
    I do not know the reason, I only know it's true;
    I hurt them for that reason, and myself a little bit too...


  11. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    What a treat! I got full body goosebumps reading that. Thank you! I remember seeing THE FANTASTICKS in that little theatre in NY where it played forever. Wonderful show!

    Yes, I agree with you regarding childhood. It's as if those of us with vivid childhoods all went on a fantastic adventure and came out of it with various scrapes and scars that, in many cases, distinguish us.

    I think we could probably regale each other with jaw dropping stories over some plonk. So be it, huh. It's all good... now. Don't get me wrong, my blood runs cold thinking of little Callum all alone with the rage. All alone, heaven help us.

    But here we are, with Barbra, we're ok and we have a richness of spirit that comes from having experienced the whole damn thing. And, miraculously, your mother has been given a little happiness in her too vivid existence.

    Let something interesting happen on this stage, I say.

    With affection,

  12. Callum

    Callum New Member

    and such a way with words. Have you thought of writing?
  13. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    of course there was wisdom aplenty. It was, however, all yours. I was simply agreeing. I have been paid to write this and that back in the day when I had a brain. Beyond me now. Maybe again one day, who knows.

    Keep us posted as to your goings on; we need the vicarious excitement!

    Peace to you,