Several months ago I posted on this site after my body and life were ravaged by " something." Starting around Dec. 12th, 2005 I was stricken...and to this day I am no better. This all started after I went to our local hospital for a flu and fainting on Dec. 10th, 2005. While at the ER I was given Levaquin for beginning bronchitis and given a weeks dose of "levaquin" antibiotics to take home which I took. Within 18 hours of leaving the hospital however, I was back at the ER by ambulance telling them I felt like I was dying from stomach pain, body pain, unprecedented body weakness, difficulty breathing etc. I went to the ER 3 or 4 times that 1st week! They did their tests, sedated me with Lorazapam for panic each time and would say they couldn't fine anything. Never mentioned anything when I told them I was taking the Levaquin they gave to me. Never said I should stop taking this...nothing. I also never asked about it other than to tell them I was taking this as they would always ask what I was taking. So I just felt like I was dying for the next 3 or 4 months. They started sending in the psych ward people after my 4th visit. Out of embarrassment I stopped going to the ER even though I felt like I was dying. I started taking valium in the worst attacks and eventually ( withing 12 to 24 hours ) the worst attacks would subside to where I felt like I would make it to the next day. In the first two months I lost 35 lbs. I simply could not eat. Completely lost my appetite and even had a metallic taste in my mouth. Also, my stomach would go into such pain after I ate that this prevented me from eating also. I was in such pain and body failure and misfunction I thought many times I would die. I went to my hospital 6 or 7 times this whole time and except for a 3 and a 1/2 second pause in my heart monitoring and fainting in the hospital and quite a bit of damage to my middle intestines ( illeum etc. ) , torn rotator cuff, fractured vertebrae anterior L-1 ( which no one can explain how this happened ) they haven't found too much else. Oh, brady-cardia for several weeks. I have lost my job, my family and I are in horrible debt ( $50,000 )and the future looks impossibly bleak. I can no longer afford "co-pays" so I quit asking doctors to keep testing me and most doctors have given up on me anyway. When I describe all the things I feel...there is not one person that takes me seriously. Even my wife has lost faith in what I describe to her. She is now echoing what my doctors are saying...that the tests aren't showing enough and what I describe seems too confusing, vague and all too encompassing to be real. Of course my intestinal tract seems ravaged all the time. It seems " gripped" and is sore and just seems haywire. I have gas constantly ( very foul ) and my stools are the same. I get nauseous frequently although I don't throw up. But all of my insides feel this way. When I breath, my insides feel bone dry and I can feel my breath going through my chest as I breath...very cool and dry. I get these " jumps" in my heart about 10 times a day and when I do it stops me...just stops me... I gasp and my whole body just drops in energy. And this body dropping feeling I get all the time day and night. All my strength leaves me and I feel so unsure of everything in my body.There is of course panic...but the panic always happens after everything drops..crashes. So the panic isn't triggering the body crashing...it's the other way around. But everything is haywire. My appetite is there and then gone. I can eat and sometimes eat a lot...but other times I feel too sick. My bladder is weird. I feel kind of like I have to pee all the time to varying degrees. My penis feels this pressure. It's slight but noticeable most of the time but when I really have to go it almost hurts. And my flow is much weaker than before. ( I had a lower CT scan. Mildly enlarged prostrate, two small cysts on one kydney, mild diverticulosis.) Had scopes in upper lower intestines and barium X-Ray. Gastritis mild but occassionaly inflamed. Again, dmage to middle intestines though. Enough that they thought it might be beggining Crohns disease. I never had anything close to these middle intestinal symptoms before I got sick. I had an attack of having to go to the bathroom ( number 2 ) a couple of weeks ago while I was driving. I thought I could make it home in the 5 miles I had to drive. For the first time in my 54 years...I actually you know what? I still can't believe this happened. Sometimes my testicles hurt. My eye sight is much worse since all this started. I hear popping noises in my ears ( like going up a steep mountain ) from time to time and it really pops....non-stop, very quick succession for several minutes. I get popping twitches in my shoulders frequently...same thing ...many over several minutes. I have constant pain, soreness and weakness in my legs, arms and shoulders, especially in my shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees and ankles. This ebbs and flows but is always there. Sometimes it's excrutiating. I am constantly weak and lethargic. I get kind of a "sunburn" type feeling in my face and nexck sometimes. I am extremely unsteady on my feet and in the bad times I can barely walk. I feel like I am going to fall over. My wife said I was walking like an advanced "Aids" patient the other day. Then, later on I may feel better and feel more stable. Just crazy. I have gained back the weight I lost over the last 9 months and then some. Heavier than I have ever been now. I had several doctors tell me they believed all this was due to psychological problems in the beginning months as they weren't finding anything ( nobody ever looked at my Levaquin taking or considered this at all. ) Several suggested I see a psychiatrist for the first time in my 54 years. Opened minded, I did this and actually went on anti-depressants for the first time in my life also ( 3 or 4 months into this ) These made me feel weird and after about 1 and 1/2 months on these my weight exploded. I quit taking them a few months after I started becuase they didn't affect my physical symptoms at all and I also couldn't sleep with them. It's been over 2 months since I quit. I am sleeping better, my sex drive is "slightly" back, yet my weight is still record level and I still have all these physical symptoms. I am continuing to see a psycho-therapist as this whole scary, depressing, and never improving experience has definitely rocked my world, confidence and emotional state. I am open to admitting that I need emotional help through this. But even the co-pay for this is further straining to the worst financial crisis of my family and my life. I titled this post the way I did because I feel that there is no one out there that can help me anymore. I tell my wife...if I won the lotto I would fly to the Mayo Clinic and park myself in their lobby until they took me as a patient. I feel that only the best minds in the country can tell me what is wrong with me...but all that takes money. And this will never happen. Believe me...I have checked so many web-sites, called so many doctors who never return your calls or say they can't help me. I just look up at the sky sometimes and wonder. I ask myself this question " is there anybody on Earth that can find out what is wrong with me?" over and over. I know there are people worse off than me. I know there are children who are dying and suffering and I feel horrible about this. I pray for them as I always have. My heart just aches for them. Of course I keep what's happened to me in perspective...but sometimes doing this to feel guilty to keep my selfish interest in check just caves in. I am in pain, I fell like I am crippled and sometimes dying. Don't I have a right to care about me also? But with a combination of no money, doctors that are telling me there is nothing more they can do and they feel it "must" be psychological ( I had an incredibly social job as a concierge in a hotel before this ) you just sit and wonder...about everything. Man, I wish I could just go to the Mayo Clinic...and say...test me for everything...look at everything again...thanks for reading.