Can anyone relate???

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by everythingbutnothing, Dec 2, 2004.

  1. This probably sounds silly, but in my eyes I should have no reason to ever complain or feel blue, but I do. I am a young (early 20's), fairly successful business owner. Ironically I work in allied behavioral healthcare dealing with children. Due to increased depressive episodes, I have fallen back simply into running the business from my home and supervising my 30+ employees thru use of various devices I've created to ensure that even when I don't feel like leaving my room, I can make sure business is unaffected. Isolation has been a great friend of mine this year as I've often made the transition from a social chameleon to a lifeless loner. I have these long episodes of depression that can last weeks at a time, sometimes months. The worse part is, I hate not knowing things more than anything and I do not know why I get depressed. Sometimes I think it is chemical, other times it feels like it's just all in my head. Even worse, given the nature of my business, I am afraid to seek professional help in fear of having to work with this professional on a case in the future. So in essence, I'm stuck. When depression strikes, I drink excessively, engage in risky sexual activity, sleep for 12 or more hours a day, and have a tendency to shoot up about 5 pounds in weight quickly, then lose 5 or more even faster. I don't know what to do. I always get into a "zone" in which I feel like I am dying, even when the doctors tell me that I'm perfectly fine. My depression has often made me physically sick, including one episode where I lost about 20 pounds in the course of 2-3 months. Once out of the cycle, I gained about 30 back. Thank God, at least as of last week, I do not have any STD's or terminal illnesses. I have grown fearful that I will someday if I don't learn how to control this now. I dip in and out, one second comtemplating suicide, then begging God's forgiveness for even thinking about it the next. My sleeping and eating patterns are all over the place. I can sleep for 3 hours in a given day, sometimes for several days in a row, then I can turn around and sleep for 16 hours a day straight for weeks. I can go days without eating without even noticing, then there are periods in which I feed my face 5-6 times a day in huge rations. During my worst episode, I would sleep for about 20 hours a day, wake up, shower, play a video game, and go back to sleep. This concerned my PCP, who ran various tests, and found nothing conclusive. I don't understand what is wrong with me and for someone who doesn't believe in use of medicine for behavioral modification (in most instance), I really am considering that route for myself. Please tell me someone out there can relate....
    [This Message was Edited on 12/03/2004]
  2. tika

    tika New Member

    I'm beginning to think everything relates to other things. Food is what makes the body run. Different foods make the body react in different ways.

    Maybe allergy to certain foods cause depression. Maybe a high carb diet also causes depression/lethargy. I think if you would adjust your diet, everything else will fall into place.

    Lately I have found that apple juice and beets help gallstone problems. Onions are for strong bones. Too much starch makes too much insulin and makes you hungry for more starch...
    [This Message was Edited on 12/03/2004]
  3. jimjim

    jimjim New Member


    Been in a very similar situation , doing the same silly things and worried about the same interactions with fellow professionals - but don't worry - they ARE professionals - obviously you don't want to go see someone you work closely with, but actually I haven't ever found that a big problem - and, believe me ( with 20 yrs more experience) it will do you far more professional and personal harm to carry on with that risk taking behaviour.

    A much bigger problem for me was getting the docs / psychs to see that I REALLy TRULY had a big problem - I think it was too close to themselves - and I had big problems getting people to take me seriously because I was still functioning OK at a work level ( although totally catatonic out of it ) - despite telling them that I was suicidal and seriously worried about it i was told that I didn't need therapy

    I wish i had some sort of easy answers - for me, definitely antidepressants have been a big help - some more than others and in a big dip right now but finally thinking that I might have a therapist who's getting somewhere

    Wish i'd had the availability of a help forum when I was 20 something - sure it would have made a differnce - so go get the help you need - at least look for it !

    Wishing you strength


  4. tiredintampa

    tiredintampa New Member

    to all the problems/symptoms you have mentioned in your post. I agree with previous writer who suggests seeking out a professional, although not one with whom you currently work closedly. I am now 57 years old, and have been suffering with bouts of depression since my late teens. I used to hate the idea of behavioral medication, but learned the hard way, that I am not always correct in knowing what is best for me. The biggest help I had was being on anti-depressant medication and seeing a therapist for behavioral modification. It seems to be true that we know what's best for others, but can't seem to take the correct advise for ourselves. Earlier my goal used to be getting off medication. It used to bug me to death to try to figure out if my brain chemicals were off, and gave me depression, or, because I was depressed, it threw off my brain chemicals. I once had a terrific general practioner as my primary care doc, and he said something like this to me, "What difference is it if the checken came before the egg, or the egg before the chicken, isn't it the results that are what counts?" I guess that really hit home for me, as that's when I finally took the duel approach of medication and therapy. As that doc also said, there's no test that can be done, as there is in other illnesses, to discover what neurotransmitters are off wack, so why make yourself crazy (or crazier, as I now describe myself), when you will most likely never know the answer for sure.
    It is no longer a goal for me to "get off" anti depressant medication. Every time I have tried, I went right back into a clinical depression. I even read somewhere that simply living a very stressful life can deplete one's body of the necessary transmission of the brain's neurotransmitters. That made sense to me, as I did have an extremely stressful life. (Looking back, as in 20-20 vision; not, of course, during the time I was in the stressful situation. I thought I was just doing what was necessary to keep going.)
    Please, please, do yourself a favor and seek a professional for your problem. You will thank yourself over and over again once you are in a better position to think clearly.
    Love and luck to you.
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Please, please seek medical attention immediately!

    You seem to be in a intense depressive state now.

    Do not be concerned about seeing someone due to your business.

    If you do not see someone soon and get straightened up, you might LOSE your business!!!!

    Since you are working with children, it is the only responsible thing for you to do .... to seek help.

    You also must get rid of all of the alcohol from your home.

    Your doctor will put you on appropriate medications that will help you. Then you will be able to control your actions regarding the drinking and dangerous sexual behavior.

    Please promise that you will call some professional for assistance TODAY!!!!

    We all care about your mental health,