Hi...I haven't written in a while. Not too much to say. I'd been waiting for my psych appointment at the end of November and in the meantime keep meeting with my counsellor and see my family doc every two weeks. I thought I had been doing quite well. Still not working but doing small tasks everyday, pushing myself to do more and more. I am helping my sister with her baby, going for walks, reading, trying some crafts etc. Nothing huge, but enough to keep me busy. I actually felt that last week I did a little too much. Once I reached a point during the day that I was tired and felt I couldn't do anymore I would do one more thing. By the weekend I was exhausted and on a bit of a downturn. You know what the roller coaster is like. Well, today I plummeted. I saw my family doc for a check up and he blasted me. He asked me what I had been doing and I told him how I'd been keeping busy. He said I need to quit sitting around doing nothing all day. It was if he hadn't even listened! I told him that I was trying meditation for anxiety but I still had small attacks. I told him how overwhelmed I was feeling just with everyday things. For example when I wash the dishes I notice how filthy the sink is, then the cupboards, then the stove etc. I had finally trained myself to leave things and am now trying to do one thing at a time without "freaking out". His response was "well you can't be a slob either". When I told him that my anxiety and worry gets so bad that I think how if I just had some kind of "accident" it would all go away he told me not to worry so much. I told him I was trying cognitive therapy and that it's tough to break these thought patterns immediately he told me that probably 80% of what I think about isn't a problem. He said stop worrying so much about things. You are one of those people that just think too much. Two weeks ago he raised my paxil to 40mg. The past week I have had to take 1mg of ativan a day. Once at bedtime and then when I wake up in the middle of the night. He says I should be better in 2 weeks and plan to be back at work at the end of the month. I do not feel my confidence or my self esteem is anywhere near ready for that. It takes all I have to get through my days the way they are now, with small tasks. I feel as though he didn't listen to a word I told him. My counsellor told me I am on the right track. Why can't my family doc see this? I was devasted and felt horrible about myself. Doubting that I'm trying hard enough to get better. I was hoping my family doc would just monitor me until the psychiatrist was able to see me and better determine what course of action I should be on. Isn't a possibilty that I'm not even on the right meds? I'm sorry for rambling but I was really thrown for a loop today. Any suggestions would be welcome. Thank-you.