Can I Cry On Your Shoulder?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DeborahLynn, Mar 15, 2007.

  1. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    Last night, I was in a lot of pain and was so very weak, I just felt so sick. It came time to take the children to their weekly club meeting, and because my husband was sick with a virus, I decided I could maybe be able to drive the children there. They had a lot of fun learning and playing, and when it was over, around 8:30 p.m., I was ready colapse right then and there, I was so weary and sick. My children wanted to stay and play with their friends for a while, but I just couldn't stay any longer. I started telling my 7 year old, "I'm sorry, honey, I'm just too sick to stay." After more fussing and trying to persuade me to stay longer, she finally said, "That's all you care about, Mom - your sickness!"

    I'll have to tell you, that really hurt my feelings. I know she didn't understand how much it hurt me or why. I tried to explain about how I have to conserve my energy, and how I have to be careful to not over-do it, or else I'll be "out-of-commision" for several days. (I'll have to explain to her the spoon theory I learned from the "Got Spoons?" website. Check it out - you'll love it!)

    Well, my children have just come in the door, so I'd better close for now. I hope I didn't get your shoulder too wet:). God bless!
  2. ayhatch

    ayhatch New Member

    I completely relate. I have a 10 and almost 6 year old. The 10 year old is okay with just hanging out instead of doing things like we used to, but the almost 6 year old gets very disappointed. They both do, but anyway, when my little boy asks to do something that I can't handle, it breaks my heart to say NO and hear him whine. It seems I always have to promise something to make up for it. Too much bribery going on!
    But, on the other hand they are learning to be very empathetic. They pray for me to get better almost every night and they offer to massage me or help me with chores. It's not consistent and their offers of household help is rare, but it makes me feel great that they love me that much and "get it".
  3. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    I know that hurt sweetie. My son is going to be 23 and still says that to me. He says that is why no one in the family cares ... because they are fed up with hearing about my sickness issues. Nice family.
  4. clerty

    clerty New Member

    poor you kids speak it as it is !!!
    I bet you would not change them for the world.

    I am 36 and hubby is dying for kids well I know that is never going to happen so I am not really that bothered
    but I do feel sad right enough that we are missing out on something special.

    Clerty
  5. jmq

    jmq New Member

    Your post really hit me. I know exactly how you feel. I have an 11 year daughter who hasnt said anything too negative yet...but she is doing something that scares me more...she is depressed..I mean really clinically depressed and going to a psychiatrist and therapist.

    Everyone assures me it has nothing to do with the fact that I am ALWAYS in pain and when I am home..I am in bed ( have FMS). She denies it, the therapist says its not me....but it started about the same time my symptoms got worse. Now she is in her bed and I am in mine. My poor husband! I try to climb in bed with her but sometimes my pain keeps me from being able to stay very long :-(

    As a mom, you know how much you want your children to be happy. On top of that, I adopted her..so I feel a GREAT deal of obligation to be the SUPER mom. I have FINALLY learned that in order to do that...I have to take care of myself.

    That is why I am looking into disablity instead of killing myself working full time. She needs me more.

    Well, its nice to have other moms to share with...If you ever need to vent, cry or laugh...I will be a click away.

    jmq
  6. Shalala

    Shalala New Member

    I always helped my Mom.
  7. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    I appreciate everyone sharing with me their experiences! It really helps, doesn't it? I will be praying for each one of you...God is our helper. That is what carries me through each day!

    Debbie
  8. cczub

    cczub New Member

    I have a 7 year old son and one due in June.

    There are days it's too much to sit and play video games because I'm so exhausted or my hands hurt. It hurts not being able to do as much with him as he/I want to. He sorta understands but it's hard for him to remember why daddy can't always do everything with him.

    I coach his baseball team and take him fishing whenever I can.. It's alot on me but gives us something to do together outstide of the house.

    Hang in there.. It's not easy!
  9. getwell

    getwell New Member

    I found your posting as a result of needing support myself. In needing a shoulder to cry on you gave me a very special gift- your story and the "Got Spoons" website. I've only looked at the title "But You Don't Look Sick" and then came back to send you this reply.

    My daughter, age 24 lives with me and is in graduate school. By the way, she is in the counseling field. I've been dealing with a major flair up over the last for day and I somehow managed to get to work. Last night she asked me about the causes of FMS. I told her that one way to explain is that it can be caused due to a dysregulation in the central nervous system and the brains perception in processing pain, whereby, pain in amplified. That was not the response she wanted to hear. She was trying to get me to realize that I could be making better choices regarding my boyfriend (such as breaking up). I said "Your support is very important to me" and thanked her. I then asked her for her support by selecting another time (in the future) to talk to me about this particular issue because of the flair up. I also asked her for her support by learning more about FMS. She told me that she as a lot on her mind (school and intership) and issues of her own such as feeling that she never had any parents (her father and I were divorced 20 years ago, & divorced from her step father). Well I went to my room and quietly cried. Woke up this morning and am still crying.

    So, thank you for your posting. Perhaps my daughter is acting like a 7 year old.

    Blessings!!!


    [This Message was Edited on 03/16/2007]
  10. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    I so much want to write to each of your caring replies, but I can't at this time - I just feel too awful (physically). I am feeling much better today about how my children view this illness - I found out that both of them submit prayer requests at their churchschool for their mom to feel better!

    Your replies were a real blessing to me. I felt like I was in a "room-full" of friends. It really does help to be able to talk back and forth about these syndromes. I have learned so much!

    God bless!
    Debbie
  11. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Deb:

    Ultimately you made the right decision. You took care of yourself when exhaustion was really setting in.

    Now, just a suggestion, take in lots of good nutrition and rest, rest, rest.

    nyrofan
  12. JessB

    JessB New Member

    Deb-
    Thank you, I have finally found someone else who relates. (I just found this site today.) I have four boys, 11, 5, 3, and 1. My 11 year old does pretty well understanding what is going on, but the younger ones not so much. My hardest days are when the sun is out and the kids want to go outside to play and I can't get off the daybed. But they are also learning that if I can't get up they will come and lay with me and we will read or watch a movie.
    I do unterstand about the broken hearted feeling, they just don't understand how much you want to and just can't.
    Keep your chin up, our children seem to be more resilient and forgiving then we think.
  13. Ginner

    Ginner New Member

    of sticks and stones and words is just not true.
    The thing is, we wouldn't hurt them for the world!

    It takes maturity. I have 3 grown sons. They have each,in their own way,really made up for some hurtful things that were said in their childhood. We do the best we can as parents.
    Hope this helps a bit DeborahLynn.
    It really does get better.

  14. skikat

    skikat New Member

    i am sorry that i dont kow the story of the spoons but one way to show the smaller children(explaining , they forget)i have found , is this. thake one of thier toys that uses a few batteries to run, or for that matter you can use a radio, etc. show them how it runs at full energy on the batteries. then begin taking the batteries out and show them what happens. name each battery "energy" or "strength" show them what happens then, as you begin to put them back in. etell them that you have an energy sickness, and this is how your body works.it helps them to SEE. the older ones need to set down with you some night and read these message boards. then if that doesnt work, tell them that they just need to love you enough to believe you until they find out by themselves. then, it is up to them and get rid of the guilt. keep going kiddo. were pulling for you. ski