Can someone tell me what toxic people are?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Geegafer, Oct 21, 2006.

  1. Geegafer

    Geegafer New Member

    Stormskye mentions toxic people and I've never heard of this. Can someone enlighten me since it's recommended to stay away from them. I fear I might live with one.

    Thanks & Blessings,
    Gigi
    [This Message was Edited on 10/21/2006]
  2. Jordane

    Jordane New Member


    Gigi,

    I am guessing that Stormskye is talking about people who do not make you feel good around them.

    They can be very negative.Not morally uplifting. Causing distress by their actions or words.

    I hope I got this right Stormskye!!!

    Does this help you out??

    Take Care!!
    Jordane
  3. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    Toxic people are those who pull us down. Some people are not happy unless they can make others feel as low as they do. Some toxic people do not even realize the stress they bring about, however they insist on maintaining a very uncomfortable, negative energy that is easily spread to others.

    We all need good, strong, true people in our lives and absolutely need healthy relationships. I'm not sure that I would even have the energy to fight now days...nor would I want to. I am, however passionate about fairness and people treating each other with respect.

    I hope this explains it???

    Take Care

    Jane
  4. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I think toxic people are those who take away your true sense of who you are.

    I knew a toxic person who had a zillion friends. As I became her friend, she would question everything I did, every decision I made, how I raised my children, and every sentence she said began with "No, that's not right."

    She had so much charisma and was the most beautiful person physically, people, both men and women fell at her feet wherever she went.

    After some years, I began to see that all those friends were very insecure, insincere, and mentally unstable people that gravitated to someone who would tell them what to do.

    I am the only person she has ever respected because I would not let her steal my sense of Self nor let her be my "guide" or mentor.

    She could never hold a job because bosses and coworkers could not tolerate her for very long once they figured her out.

    She was a terrible mother and housekeeper and her children have told me so. They had to fight constantly with her to prevent her from ruining their marriages.

    People who make you doubt yourself and what you stand for are toxic people. I believe one should make sure they let that type of person know in no uncertain terms that you have them "pegged" and you will not tolerate belittleing (sp) behavior from them any longer.

    If the behavior persists, plan carefully and leave them.

    My opinion, for what its worth.

    findmind
  5. Geegafer

    Geegafer New Member

    Thanks to all who clarified what and who toxic people are.
    I thought I had a clue and I was right.
    There are people who make offensive comments concerning my health challanges. You know the ones who sneer and roll their eyes when we say we can't handle simple tasks because of the pain. They tend to act like we're crazy hypochondriacs.
    It seems like shortly after that I begin to feel worse.
    Besides our physical pain we may be also emotionaly sensitve and these toxic people don't help.
    I've had some Doctors who can talk like toxic people also.

    Thanks & blessings,
    Gigi
  6. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Toxic people have many traits. We should start a thread here describing toxic people.

    To me toxic people:

    Drain your energy.

    You can sense they are NOT your friend

    It is almost like the saying "with friends like them, who needs enemies"?

    After being with them you feel upset.

    They are not happy for you when good things happen for you.

    It is someone who takes and never gives back.

    Someone who deliberately says hateful things to upset you.

    Someone who criticizes you with alot of insensitivity.

    They are not supportive but seek your support all the time.

    Instinctively, if you think about it, you will know who is toxic to you.









  7. Geegafer

    Geegafer New Member

    Your list discribes a whole host of people that drain our energy. It's good to bring this to our attention.
    We need to be cautious of them.
    Thanks,
    Gigi
  8. baanders

    baanders New Member

    people who are in your life who should not be anywhere near you because they make you feel bad in any way. Usually it is somehow linked to the illness...it is not your fault that these people are bad or mean...you should stay away because they will never become good or kind and they will make you sicker.

    baanders
  9. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    away from toxic people. This is sometimes difficult if we are married or related to them. It's a little, ok, sometimes hard, especially at first.

    Very liberating tho. If you have to quit your job, move, whatever, do it. You will be glad you did.
  10. kriket

    kriket New Member



    AND VERY GOOD ANSWERS EVERYONE ELSE!!!! Stay as far away as you can "if possible" from a toxic person. We have enough stress as is!!!!


    Kriket
  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Isn't is pathetic that many of these toxic people are relatives - mothers, brothers, sisters, etc. - thats what makes it hard.

    The only thing I can say is sometimes "what goes around, comes around".

    My step daughter was toxic to me. To the point, she really contributed to my illness over a ten year period. She is in her 40's.

    Finally I said NO MORE!!

    I stopped talking to her and also listening to stories about her.

    I had heard over the years how mean she was to many people. Recently, her husband left her and she has two young children

    It is a very sad situation but looking back, she absolutely brought this on. She was also mean to her husband. He used to tell her, "you can't treat people like you do", and she would never listen.

    I really think he lost respect for her as a person. She put him through college and supported him for years.

    Now he has a new, younger girlfriend and will probably be a perfect husband to the new lady.

    She will live to see another woman benefit from her sacrifice to educate him. I honestly believe sometimes when you are so mean, it catches up with you in the worse way.

    I can't imagine the pain she is in, but I could never imagine how she could be so mean either.

    I feel sorry for the kids but I can't bring myself to feel sorry for her. After being so mean to me she had the gaul to ask us to co-sign on a new home after her divorce.

    Yea, right I am going to co-sign on a loan for her, I don't think so.

  12. RicksChic

    RicksChic New Member

    In addition to the types of toxic people mentioned, there are also people in a co-dependent relationship that are also considered toxic. For example 2 sisters. One feels they have to "take care" of the other...that the person can't handle their crisis' without them. The other doesn't make a move without the other's approval, and depends on them to make them feel secure.

    They don't make each other feel bad, but the stronger person is considered the toxic person, but both need help to realize the unhealthy relationship and how to find healing.

    Hope no one minds me adding this.

    Kim
  13. thepkk

    thepkk Guest

    I have a toxic person in my life and I can't get rid of her. Her doctors more or less put me in charge of her medicine so she wouldn't take to many. She would take them and forget and take more. Next thing I knew she had moved in with us. Her own family is tired of her and won't do anything to help her. She has mental proplems from her past also. She can be sweet one day and a pain in the backside the next.
    If I ever say I feel bad she is ten times sicker and more problems. It sucks the life out of me. But my boyfriend thinks of her like a daughter. His own daughter is missing. She needs to be in a assited living place but I doubt she would evr go she has the best life she has ever had here with her own room and bathroom. She is 40 going on 14.
    So it looks like I have this pain in my heel for a while but it would be nice to have support from someone who does't come back at me about hwo much worse than they are.
    I have quit talking to other people, who sucked the life out of me. I just can't shake this one.
    Good luck with yours,
    thepkk
  14. suz45

    suz45 New Member

    Gigi:

    I see there have been alot of posts about Toxic people..

    They come in many varieties, the main thing to notice is they are always or persistently negative... Devalue others, are often excessively needy, bossy demanding and to use a psych term often passive aggressive.

    One way to define if the person you are assocaiting with is that after being with them, somehow you feel bad about you, emotionally drained as they have the tendency to suck the life blood out of people (not a clinical term).

    Often no matter how hard you try you cannot please them and they refuse to take responsiblity for themselves.

    I have encountered many over the years as a therapist and in my personal life... I find it is essential to keep firm boundries with these folks or you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster... They can also be manipulative in order to get there needs met and will take from you alot on an emotional level, but give back very little in return. Hope this gives you more ways of figuring things out with the person you live with..

    Suz45