Can someone tell me who this body belongs too?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Oct 9, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I don't know what it wrong with me. I look in the mirror and the person I see is not me. I once was thin and now I am far from it.There are parts of my body that don't look like they once did and never will again.

    I don't like this body I have now. It aches more and it is so sleepy all the time.

    I have made a discovery that when I nick my self when shaving my legs I take longer to heal than I did in years past. I don't know if this is due to the fibro or the CMP. OR if it has any thing to do with it all.

    I have some personal private area's that are sticking together and i have been checked out by the doctor who gave me something ot help it but I am healing so much slower that he and I thought I would be healing.

    But it is getting better and it is not infected or red and hot and does not have any signs of other problems. But even it does not seem to be the way it once was.

    I guess that having 3 babies and being over weight and having some female surgery has changed me in ways that I did n't know about as it is not like I am checking the more private places in my body.

    Sorry about that last bit as I am embarassed to talk about it. But I just don't think I am healing as fast because of the CMP and the fibro. But I don't know if that is right.

    AS soon as I get some more money I will go and find a new gynocologist as mine has retired now and I have been with one doctor for his whole practice and I don't want to have to make this change with a new doctor who I have to explain all about the meds I take and why and what for.

    I am just upset that I don't look and feel like me. I know don't sweat the small stuff. But to me not looking like I once did is hard .

    And I don't feel like I did then either. MY back , hips , thighs, knees. arms, and so much more just hurt so much more than they normally do.

    WE have had rain for several days now and the weather is so much colder and I don't like that either.

    MY hubby had installed a new furnace but found out that it needs a way to get rid of the condenstaion that this wet weather is making from going in from the cold air return to the heated air in the furnace. So it has been dripping on my floor.

    So the hubby has made a temperary fix. So what else can happen?
    Don't ever ask that question because some thing will always go wrong.

    Now it is the water heater. It is leaking from the pressure relesase valve and is dripping on the floor as well. OH well just one more bucket on the floor to catch the drips.

    And something else to keep me awake with the noice that I am not used to hearing. And it annoys me greatly.

    AS the years have gone by I have changed so much that I just didn't pat attention to how I really looked. And when I did I saw some one that I didn't know who was.

    And to top it off I don't feel like me either. NOt any where in my body feels like it should.

    This getting older is for the birds and I don't like it. I am sick of being sick and sick of feeling so tired that I can't move or get things done that I need to do.

    MY body hurts more than it did but then I am more of a klutz than I was. I feel over 2 years agoa and shattered my left wrist.

    And you will not belive this I missed the appointment for the orthopeic doctor to look at this wrist that has now been swollen and sorer than it ever has been and is so very pain full now and hurts to the touch and it is looking funny as well.

    I made the appointment and forget it< thought that it was closer to my pain doctors appointment and it was at the first of the month.

    And I didn't find the card that showed me when it was. So now I have to call and make a new appointment for this wrist. AS I need to have it when I see my pain doctor....

    I am getting so foggy that it is silly. I used to be able to remember every thing and now I can't remember the simpleset things. ANd that scares me alot.

    NOt only has my body changed but how it looks has too. Also the way I feel about me. I am so tired that I can't think strainght

    I know that ove time our bodies change as mine has. But there are times that it really bothers me how I look and walk now.

    I walk with a limp and it hurts to stand up straight. And standing for a while is so very apin full that it makes it hard to move let alone walk.

    NO my life is not all that bad it is just differnt than i expected it to be.

    And some days when the weather is cold and wet , windy and my pain levels are higher than normal for me . I just don't like how I feel and look to the world.

    How I wish I was someone noraml and could do the things I want to do.But I know that I can't and I really have accepted it. I gues that it is thhis nassssty weather we are having.

    Thanks for letting me gripe and whine a bit.
    Sorry that this post is so long.

    Many hugs to all,
  2. morous61

    morous61 New Member

    You are not alone Rosemarie!
    The process of growing old is hard enough for any female, but add to it a disease that takes away our energy to try a remain young, add pain that makes our body tense so it shows in our body and face, add meds that have side effects of losing hair, weight gain, dry skin-no wonder we get depressed!
    I have times I have looked in the mirror and hardly recognized the face that stared back at me. It seemed it was just yesterday that I was youthful looking, full of energy so that I could do anything I put my mind to. Beautiful head of hair and beautiful blue eyes that were my glory, now are dull and dry.
    The one thing I remember is what my great-aunt told me many years ago and see it now holds true, God gives to those what he feels they can handle. We handle pain that many other people would not be able to handle. We handle great changes to our body which we can live with, others would probably end their life if they had to handle what we handle.
    Beauty is only skin deep. yes, we might be losing that, but we gain so much with the strength we gain dealing with our pain. We can be an inspiration to those who listen to us, or see us enduring when others know that they couldnt keep going as we do. My husband has told me time and time again, he couldnt deal with the pain I deal with. He is moaning and groaning if he has one day of a sore back from overdoing at lifting. I deal with back pain, leg,hip,arm, chest pain every day 24/7/365!!!
    As far as healing, as we grow older, we all heal slower than we did when we were younger!! Growing older is hard, growing older with fibro is worse but look at the friends we have on this board that we wouldnt have had otherwise!!!
    Keep your chin up, big soft hug to let you know we know what you are going through and will listen whenever you need to talk to someone!