Can't Cope! Thinking of leaving this board...wish you all well!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kacjac, Dec 19, 2005.

  1. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    I had an argument with my husband tonight!
    He seems so clueless at times (I'm hurt)
    Issues were:
    >#1. to much time on computer
    (which basically consists of Forums to help me exist....)
    A.Fibro forum
    B.Weight Loss forum
    C.Alzheimers forum
    D.Incest Survivors forum
    E.Looking up recipes
    F.Looking up Poems
    G.Looking up Dementia
    H.Reading my email
    I.ordering Catalogs on the net (for company,cuz I'm so lonely)
    Boy, those sound like a crime,somebody, grab the handcuffs)
    >#2.Staying up half the night
    >#3.Sleeping half the day
    You think I committed a crime!
    He has his work shop he goes too,(I barely say a word)
    He snores loud in bed,(I lay awake)
    I get up to rub pain lotion/or cream on
    I get up to take pain meds
    I get up to get heating pad
    I get up to go to the bathroom
    I get up to help my Dementia pt.
    I have a monitor in my room, I listen for her all night.
    I get on here, to ask questions, vent, cry, whine, and have to find my posts, 3 or 4 pages back unlike other posts that stay on the front page ( regardless of # of replies)( Feel unwanted) Been here about 2 weeks.
    Am I whinning? yes... Am I depressed?... yes Have I suffered with an extreme headache since 8pm last night?... yes again.....
    To no avail,( meds and ice packs)it's still here, but at least the bad the throbbing's gone, it's 5am!
    I feel like giving up!
    * Sorry for such a downer post, just had to vent and type!
    Gentle hugz to you all.....Karen

    [This Message was Edited on 12/20/2005]
  2. ellie5320

    ellie5320 New Member

    Karen i feel for you I have found that my computer in the same room as my hubby watches tele is the best thing I have done as we still talk and he has his workshop also ( boy do i want to send him there sometimes but that is another matter)
    the support here is amazing I am glad I happened on it one day. it is so frustating going to bed and the snoring yes mine also does it I lay awake I hurt take pain tablets they don't work I am lucky I guess he says nothing about the time I am on here maybe cause we are in the same room I try to go to bed normal time (lay awake for ages sometimes)I try not to sleep during the day even if I am exhausted as sleep is no hard to get nights so I wear myself out never sleep in past 9am my hubby gets up about 7 am so that 2 hours is the best sleep I ever get. good luck I hope all works out for you maybe a little time away may help but just remember we try to help on here and you are welcome anytime
  3. roseylisa

    roseylisa New Member

    my husband also gets mad because I get on here after we've been in bed. He will start snoring and I'm wide awake, but the minute he gets home he is on here playing solitaire
    and when we argue its because I don't stay in bed at nite! But yet I dont get up until he is snoring, I cant sleep so I read or get on pc
  4. adirondackhoney

    adirondackhoney New Member

    and go thru what you are.
    some normals seem to be in denial.
    i too have computer in living room.
    'they' can all get sorta mean due
    to not really understanding.
    i say 'it's not easy being me'.
    we get isolated/alienated enough,
    we need each other
  5. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    Right now things seem hopeless to you but give it time the sun will come shining through again.I think spending time connecting with ohers that share your exsperinces is good.I know it helps me.I use to be on the computer alot.It kind of comes and goes in spurts.I know when I am depressed I spend more time online.I try to find things to think about other than what is happeneing to my body.You might can relate to what I am saying.But let me say that leaving the board is not a good idea,we all need each other.I know that I have been lifted up many times here when I had no one else to talk to.Vent,cry,complain or be happy ....sharing how you feel is what this board is all about.So, you stay with us ok.{{{{Karen}}}
  6. Dee50

    Dee50 New Member

    Maybe you can drop the other forums for now.

    I mean stop posting on them for awhile and stay active on this forum.

    I see you collect angels. I do too. How long have you been collecting them? About 4 years for me.

    This is my only forum. I do believe this one is the This forum is my second home.

    The forum can move very fast. I go to my bio and pull up the posts I've wrote on or I place my name Dee50 in the search at the top of the page and click go. You can bump your posts if you have trouble finding them.

    Hope someone else has some idea's that will help you keep up on this forum. There are lots of us here and some of us post several times a day.

    Happy Holidays,
    [This Message was Edited on 12/20/2005]
  7. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    my cpu is in the living room so we are all together anyway.

    i reckon his real problem is a lack of understanding. my poor husband has good reason to moan but at worst i get mumblings from the corner :)

    PITATOO Member

    Sounds like the hubby had a list in hand and ready to use. You mention Alzheimer's and Dementia pt. I assume you are taking care of someone(family) that has the disease. I too am a caregiver of my Father. I had a lot of the same problems when I was marrried. I am not 42 yo and have been divorice for 4 years. It is tough being ill and not having the support but what came along with it did not really help. There are certain things you have to do for yourself for this disease. It sounds like all you are trying to do is make it through the night. Nights can be tough with fibro and cfids. You may be whining but so what. I think you deserve to. Also on the other side of things it sounds as though your husband needs to get some help in dealing with someone with a chronic illness. I have seen so many marriages end up in divorice because of FMS, CFIDS and other illnesses. His snoring is not helping your condition at all. Don't give up on your hubby, maybe he needs to sleep in another room for a while.

    My wife left me because of my illness but that's okay I have dealt with it. You have already written down what he is complaining about and I would ask him to take the next step, but some burden on him. Tell him to help you come up with some answers on what to do on each item on the list. If he has answers that work I'm sure we'd all like to know. But I think he will realize that he can't come up with too many ideas to solve the problem and maybe understand your frustration in dealing with them yourself.

    I hope I helped a little. Please do come back, peole do get wrapped up in their own little worlds and don't realize others are hurting also. You came out and said it bluntly; which is okay; otherwise I may have not paid much attention. I do not have a lot of time to post. I work full time, run an antqiue mall and a support group for person's with CFIDS and FMS and believe it or not I am finally sleep 8-10 hours a night almost every night. But your post stuck out and called to me.

    Things will get better. Post again and I'll listen and talk back. I wish you a very Merry Christmas and New Years but hope to hear from you before then.

    Thanks, Bobby
  9. hartogold

    hartogold New Member

    Hi Kajac;
    I totally understand your frustrations. We all have similar ones. It's so hard to deal with your own frustrations about this mysterious, evasive monster that we walk around with every day (FMS), let alone try to ease other's frustrations about it.

    Is your hubby making an effort to educate himself on this disease at all? Just because it's not a visible disability, it's just as daunting and invasive in all of our lives. Also some of his anger might be coming from feeling helpless in being able to help you feel better.

    We need YOU here to help us as well. There many fellow suffers out there that are nodding their heads right now and thinking "Thank God I'm not alone".

    I'm very lucky in that my hubby is very proactive and informed on my illnesses (of which I have many right now). He is a computer consultant/tech and web designer and works out of his office right next to where my computer is. He is on the computer more than me. I do a lot of research and love coming here, but I can't sit at the computer too long because of pain.

    My hubby also has sleep apnea and lately I have been in so much pain with fms and other injuries that are going to require surgery in the near future, I havne't been able to sleep with him. I sleep in my relcliner (what sleep I do get) and only get 2-3 hours per night. I start cuddling in bed with him until he falls asleep and I come back to bed with him in the morning so we can wake up next to each other. He just misses my being next to him all night, but understand. He even feels badly because he can't massage Ben Gay into my aching muscles because he has bad carpal tunnel and a bad neck himself. I can't massage myself very well, because I have such pain and weakness in my hands and arms, and can barely use my right arm at all and will soon have shouler surgery...more rehab time.

    I could go on, but I'm entering "whine" territory and it can turn into a pitty party quickly. Though a good pity party can be just what we need sometimes. If anyone decides have one don't forget to invite me!! I can be a lot of fun when I'm around the right people. And there are a alot of "right" people here.

    Hugs to you and to all my friends and family here.

    ps. Here's a branch of mistle toe...hold it above your hubby's head and see what happens. ;-)

  10. matthewson

    matthewson New Member

    I found that I was spending way to much time on the computer when I first joined this board and my husband also said something about it. You can get obsessed with looking up info. etc to the extent that your whole life revolves around the computer. I had to take a big step back and limit my time so I could concentrate on other things and have a more well rounded life.

    I now conciously do not go on the computer everyday and I limit my time when I do go on. I also started sewing again and joined a quilting group that meets on Fridays. I needed to get out of the house and do something to take my mind off of this DD. And I have to tell you, when your brain is busy, you don't notice the pain as much.

    Just a thought. Maybe you could meet your husband 1/2 way and spend a little less time on the computer and more time doing other things.

    Take care, Sally
  11. marilynt58

    marilynt58 New Member

    Please don't leave. I know that you are not the only one with these problems. My husband gets upset with me spending time on the computer, but I try to explain that it is also helping me to combat the negative feelings that I (we) all have towards fibro. I also know that it can be really aggravating to know someone with a disease that you can't see. Sometimes my husband will tell me it is all in my head, that I am not really sick. I just look at him and say of course it is in my head & body you just don't see what I am feeling. I hope that you do NOT give up on this board or on yourself. You need to keep fighting this and be convinced that you are definitely NOT alone. My prayers will be with you for a long time. Keep hanging in there.
  12. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    And thanks for listening to my rant.....when I read Doxy's post , I thought to myself, yea, my thoughs exactly LOL
    We are somewhat better now, he did make the comment, that he does need to find out whats triggering his outbursts!
    He has just started counseling, and I have been going awhile too, over my past issues.
    I keep telling him, he needs to be more educated to the disease, and he is willing to listen more, I think now!
    He says there are things he just doesn't understand, like the sleeping problem, and why can't I go to sleep,but I sleep so good in the morning, I said "I dunno" I don't understand it either....he said " Ask your Fibro group" LOL
    He really spends a lot of time in the shop, sometimes all day long maybe on his days off! I spend maybe 3 or 4 hours online a night, so I know, thats not it! And I try to go to bed when he does. Someone suggested he has other things going on....well he does, he been off work a while now, out with shoulder surgery, and last night I had to take him to the E.R. with a possible broke arm, on the other side, their not sure yet, until a little more swelling goes down, but they said it wasn't broke, but something is terribly wrong, he can't move it or bend it....he see's his Ortho Surgeon in the morning. He slipped on the ice on our porch!
    It was the opposite arm, from his shoulder surgery, its just been two weeks ago with that! They do have it in a splint, at least!
    OH, and btw, Bobby, it's not a family member, I'm caring for, it's a sweet little retired school teacher, that I took care of in her home for two years, her family (just one daughter, and two grandkids, are blown away by my generosity to take her into my home, I had one empty room left, and her daughter and I did not want her to have to go to a NH. so here she is, which helps greatly with my finances, without having to work outside, I just couldn't do that anymore, its much better with one pt. than the 20 or more I have taken care of at one time! So we'll have Miss Irene with us a year in Feb. She has her every need met, always! :)
    To Dee50....It's neat that I've been collecting angel's the same amount of time as you, 4 yrs.
    I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. You've been so sweet, caring, and generous, with your advice, help & hugs.....thanks for listening once again....Karen :)
  13. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    i think the thing about understanding our sleep patterns is a tall order ~ fundamentally fm is a chemical imbalance so tell him what would happen if i put maltesers in his petrol tank. then you tell him thats you.maltesers in your fuel tank!

    in our sleep we dont acheive alpha sleep so we dont get a decent refreshing rest and sometimes it causes less pain to get up and take a pain meds that to toss and turn (and then get stuck) i use amitriptyline at night 50mg just before bed as it aids sleep and makes sure the pain wont wake me up again.

    all the best :)
  14. Tantallon

    Tantallon New Member

    This board and the people on it are a Godsend to everybody, I know your DH is not showing understanding at the moment but it may be that he cannot accept what has happened to you. My partner just sits and cries when he has to push me in the wheelchair because he doesn't want to see me that way, he remembers me the way I was.

    Please don't leave the board, there is so much advice and helpfulness here to get you through the bad times, don't give up on us.

    Sometimes if you post it depends on the time you did as to the replies and how many people are about at that time.

    Gentle hugs, Sue.
  15. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Well the poor thing dislocated his elbow, and may require surgery too, but we will see in a two week follow up appt.
    I'm sleeping a little better, it comes in spurts ya know!
    sigh! He's in alot of pain, as for as understanding my illness, he's coming around, he really is a good man!
    Thanks again, for everyone's help, and understanding, YOU GUYS ARE GREAT!
  16. ~Sibyle~

    ~Sibyle~ New Member

    Hi there!
    Don't give up on the board. I have been here a long time ( since 2000 but had to change my screen name)

    These ladies are so much comfort and support! I am so sorry to hear about your DH :(

    I hope you get some good sleep and hubby feels better VERY soon!

    Bless you for taking in the lady you have living with you. I am always so inspired by people who do these things for others in need :) It helps me remember that my situation could be worse and that I should give what I can to a fellow person :)

  17. over50

    over50 New Member

    You do so much for others,and ask so little for yourself.You are willing to learn more about all these things,even though your energy levels are low and you hurt.
    Im sorry that your husband cant see that he should be proud of you.
    I try to not be on the computer when my hubby is around.
    He also doesnt understand that I am a better person,because I can vent,cry.laugh with my family here.
    If you leave,please know we will still be here,by the grace of God and those that run the Board.
    Please Have a Wonderful Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year.
  18. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I missed this in the beginning...BUT SO GLAD YOUR BACK!!

    We all need each other!!

  19. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    and I'm stayin' I need you all too much!
    I hope you are feeling better's to better health for us all in 2006!
    Hugz, Karen
  20. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I just saw your post for the first time tonight and read through the other posts. I'm glad that you decided to stay with the Board.

    There have been times that I've been fairly active and then times that I haven't been on it for weeks. I tend to need it more when I feel really bad, and I've found really good support. It means so much to have someone who understands and "talks your language." I've had to bump my own post at times to get responses.

    I think it depends on the time that you post as to the responses that you may or may not have.

    I'm also glad to hear that your husband is doing better both physically and with at least trying to understand these DD's. My husband was a bit upset when I first found the Board, but we discussed it. He was also learning to cope with my problems. What I found helpful was to invite him to see a post that stuck out to me. I would ask him what I might write to help the person with. That kinda drew him more in to how the Board has helped me.

    Have a wonderful Christmas,


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