can't get more down

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by GinnyB, Jun 9, 2010.

  1. GinnyB

    GinnyB New Member

    I have 2 great-grandchildren who are the loves of my life. When they were babies (they're 2 and 5 now) I wasn't allowed to pick them up. Their parents don't visit often. They say the distance is too great even though they visit my daughter several times a week and she lives only 8 miles away. A week ago both kids got in our spa with me, and the three of us had a wonderful time. Tonight my daughter, her daughter and her son-in-law (the children's father) told me the children may not get in the spa again unless one of them is there. I told them that my daughter and husband were on the deck beside the spa, but it made no difference. Unless one of the parents is present the children may not get in the spa with me. Their reasoning, of course, is that with fibromyalgia I'm unable to care for the children. I honestly believe that if we had a gun in the house tonight, I would put it to my head.

  2. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I'm only 43, but my 20 YO son is very serious with his girlfriend right now and they are talking marriage within the next 5 years.

    I get the feeling they will be very wierd about my babysitting their children also.

    I'm looking forward to grandchildren, but will mourn the fact that i will not be able to enjoy them as I thought I would.
  3. GinnyB

    GinnyB New Member


    we sure do pay a price for our illness. The children's parents are cognizant of it ok. It's a weapon they can and do use against me.

  4. GinnyB

    GinnyB New Member


    we sure do pay a price for our illness. The children's parents are cognizant of it ok. It's a weapon they can and do use against me.

  5. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I can certainly understand that you are feeling terrible about the way that your grandchildren are responding. There are so many losses and limitations that come with being sick, and not being able to do the things that you want to with your greatgrandchildren must be painful. It sounds like you feel that your children do not trust your judgment re your own capabilities, too, and I can see how that must hurt tremendously.

    However, (& I say this as gently as possible....and please don't stop reading after this sentence), this type of thing in and of itself should really not be enough to make someone feel suicidal. I am NOT saying that your feelings are wrong or that you are not entitled to feel bad about the situation, but reacting as strongly as you are to this makes me very concerned that you have some serious underlying depression going on. Depression can make everything seem so much worse than it is and it can make people significantly more sensitive to the way that other people act. It IS possible to feel better, though.

    If you are truly thinking about suicide, please, please, please talk to someone in person or at least over the phone. Find a counselor, call a crisis line, call whatever it takes to get some help. Your life is worth it, and your greatgrandchildren would miss you if you took your life.
  6. RENA0909

    RENA0909 New Member

    So sorry that your family are making you feel bad.I think they are scared in case you dont have the energy or strength to help the kids if anything happened to them.

    I have only one g/daughter and I know used to pretend I was ok looking after her but now even I realise that I may not be that great in a crisis so itf it means the wellbeing of the kids come first so be it.

    PLEASE dont take it to heart Ginny.Just ask next time if someone could get in with you as you enjoy having fun with them in the spa.
    I cant do stuff now so I have lots of fun drawing/playing cards going on PC watching films Going to park to watch her play(she is 6)and just being a crazy Granma!!!

    I know how sad it makes you because I have been through it.Maybe you could let them know how you feel so they can help you play with the kids with them around.

    You will always be a fabulous fun Granny lol!!

  7. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    just wondering how you are doing now......hoping that now that you have had a few days to consider the situation, you are feeling a bit better

    If not, I do really encourage you to try to find someone you can talk to in sounds like you could really use someone on your side
  8. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    thought I would bump this one more time to see if Ginny is doing any better
  9. GinnyB

    GinnyB New Member

    Thank you and everyone else who responded to my message. I'm not feeling any better. Today was the little girl's 2nd birthday and her mother had a party for her. I wasn't going to go, but my brother and his wife came up from DC for the occasion. The kids knew all the other grandparents (due to divorces in my grandsoninlaw's family there are quite a few) better than they did me and my husband. But I'm seeing my GP on Tues. and will tell her how I've been feeling. Thank you again, GinnyB
  10. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I'm glad that you wrote again - I was getting worried.....sorry that things are not any better, though

    I really hope that your GP appt goes well and that you can find something and/or someone to help
  11. u&iraok

    u&iraok New Member

    Wow, usually people don't believe we're really sick. This is definitely the other extreme. Can you doctor give you a note to give your family, reassuring them that it is okay for your grandchild to come over?
  12. kathyrn

    kathyrn New Member

    I am also a nana with 10 grandchildren. Me and my husband used to take them camping all the time. I am 58 and just got fibro within the past year. I used to be a good swimmer. Now I would drown if I got in water over my head. I cannot take the kids camping without another adult (hubby don't count-he cant swim). If they got into trouble in the water, I would drown trying to save them. Are you that weak that you couldn't rescue a child in a hot tub, or are your children overreacting? I'm also afraid to take them out on our boat-for the same reason. The kids are suffering from this illness as much as I am. Glad my husband doesn't care if the house is dirty--he doesn't even notice.
  13. GinnyB

    GinnyB New Member

    No, I'm not so weak that I couldn't rescue a child in a hot tub. In a pool might be a different matter. Also my husband and daughter were on the deck beside the hot tub, so the children were not dependent entirely on me. As far as the children over-reacting, I can't speak for my grandson-in-law, but my granddaughter has had spells of depression since she was a teenager, and this is not the first time she has exploded with me. She's a good mother, but she pushes herself too hard.

    I think I got an apology the other night. She brought the children up and we had hot dogs, roasting ears, ice cream, and toasted marshmallows. Later we had smoke bombs and sparklers. She and I were both in the spa with the children, and the 2-year old (bless her little heart!) did the same thing with her mother holding her that she did when I was--ducked her head under water. For some reason she loves to get her face wet.

    Thank you all for your wonderful support. I really was down.