Can't handle the pain anymore

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lin21, Mar 18, 2003.

  1. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Hi all,

    Just when I felt I was getting this DD under control the rug was pulled from under me. The stress of having my LTD denied a second time has thrown me into a downward spiral. I was fighting so hard to keep the depression at bay by forcing myself to exercise on days I couldn't even get off the couch. Now I find out that the exercise was one of the reasons for my denial. I can't even walk today and I just don't know what to do anymore.
    Although I am appealing the denial it takes so much out of me to keep on top of these Doctors for letters. I'm so upset today, it never seems to end.
    It is so hard for me just to get through a day, I cannot handle any type of stress and with having a child this is next to impossible.
    Although my husband is good, his attitude goes from great to nothing since he's so exhausted from keeping up with the things I can't so this adds more stress.
    The financial implications just add more.
    What the hell is wrong with these damn doctors? They know what I have and they just torture me to get letters from them , the last time I had to wait almost 2 months to get a letter from my rheumie's office, the person lied to me about 6 times telling me she would do it "today" .
    Sorry I just had to vent...I feel so alone.

  2. teawah

    teawah New Member

    I am sorry that you are so frustrated. I know that sometimes it seems that we are all alone with this DD. I feel like that alot as my husband is in excellent shape and I don't have alot of other people around me. These "DAMN DOCS" are in denial. If they admit that we are in real pain then they have to admit that they need to treat us. If they do that then they have to admit that they were wrong to turn away all the ones before us and what a blow to the God complex that so many of them suffer from. Or the other problem of them being afraid that they will be sued or messed with by the feds for prescribing narcotics. I am in a similar situation right now. I have no doc but am today going to see an old one that at least listened to me. Maybe in the last year she has learned more and will treat it better. Even if she doesn't, I am taking with me all the info I have printed off of web sights and mayble she will do some studying so she can be better. I cannot give up hope and neither can YOU. We are SURVIVORS. We can be down temporarily but we are never out. The future sufferrers of this DD NEED us to open the doors for them so maybe we will all have some relief some day. Hang in there! It WILL get better. My hubby tells me that when I have the BAD days, to have faith that I WILL wake up to a good one soon and then I will appreciate it even more. He's right as much as I hate to admit it. At least we are not like those people that are born with no arms or legs or some other atrocity. We do have things to be grateful for. Make a list. YOu will find that I am right about that at least.
    In the meantime, hang on to your ass. YOu will get through this. Thankyou for venting, it helps me to be grateful that today I am not as miserable as I was yesterday:)
    Lots of ((((hugs)))) and LOVE.
  3. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Hi Teawah,

    Thanks so much for the hugs and kind words. You are right that we have alot to be grateful for and I am but it's just so upsetting when I'm doing everything in my damn power to fight this DD and I keep being knocked down.
    I could take it from outsiders but I cannot and will not tolerate from my own family. My daughter is 8 and she is a handful and somedays I just can't keep on top of her demands and it's very stressful for me. My husband who is so supportive one day is giving me more stress the next and yesterday was jus tone of those days. So what happens I collapse in a flare for days and everything goes to hell once again.
    I just can't wait until I have all these letters together and send in my 2nd appeal, this time i'm making sure there is no way they can deny me. I can't believe that I have worked all my life and now I am disabled and need these benefits and I have to fight with what sometimes feels like my last breath to get them.
    Thanks again for being there and listening..I'll keep you posted.
  4. teawah

    teawah New Member

    That a girl!!!! You are on the right track. Something I said to Joannie in her post: How can we win if we give up the fight? We are like the first astronauts. It's up to us to open the doors so the future generations of sufferrers can have better treatment. Jesus sufferred for us so we could be forgiven. We can do this for others. Yes it sucks but somebody's got to do it.

    Don't ever EVER let them see you sweat. Be tough as nails. When your down the predators will strike. GIVE 'M HELL.

  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Is insult on top of injury, from our docs, SS, our insurance companies, our friends, and our families. At least we can get some family therapy to try to help with the situation at home. My friends do not understand and never will, so I just accept it. I see less and less of them, which is OK. My docs either help me or I'm out of there. I've decided that SS will not run my life. I've done everthing I can to get my SSD and there is nothing more to be done except to pray. Like I said in another post here today, it's often helpful to revisit the AA Serenity Prayer and let go of those things we can do nothing about. Let God take care of those things.

    I pray for all of us here every day because I know what we go through. Bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  6. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    I understand so much your plight. I workded same place 26 years. I have fibro and worked with alot of pain. Finally last year I had a car accident and that was it. NO more work. OVer a year now. I filed for LTd and after 3 denials, lots of games and me having to see of 2 of their doctor. I finally got approved 2 monts ago.Took almost a year. So ther is hope. Get a good medical team supporting you. I had letters from my GP, rheumotologist, physiatrist. They all backed me 110% and sent very aggressive letter to my LTD insurance. I also was in their face alot. Needless to say I won and I have a secure income. I only paid into it for 27 years. My biggest words are be persistent, consistent, organised and never give up on yourself. No one thought I could do but I did and I feel dam good about . I deserved it. I am ill and in pain, I had cancer too, I had a car accident, fibromyalgia, . How much is one person supposed to take. You fight girl and dont give up.
    love poodlemum