Cant live, cant die.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Shazzy, Apr 9, 2003.

  1. Shazzy

    Shazzy New Member

    I am living hell with this ME/CFs along with anxiety and now depression. I spent all morning crying looking at pills and water, wondering if i should end my misery. Cant see a way out of this hell hole. Got no doctor to see as have to wait months for appointments. Only my GP and he dont know how to help. Just dopes me up with anti-depressants.
    How long do i have to suffer, is there a light because i can only see the way i have been living the last 6 months which is, in my bedroom, in pain, pysically, mentally and emotionally. I used to look forward to going to sleep time but cant seem to do that anymore.

    It has ripped out every bit of strengh i have to fight this illness.

    I cry as i write this as i know when tomorrow comes it will all be the same.

    Shazzy
  2. nancyw

    nancyw New Member

    Hi Shazzy: I know how you feel. I just had a lovely appt. yesterday with new Rheumy doctor who I was hoping would be my "salvation", would be understanding, and able to help. WRONG! I'm back to square one with finding a doctor and was really, really upset yesterday (see my post-Should I Contact AMA). Well, today is a new day and things haven't changed, but I'm not quitting. I know that I'm worth it and you are too. Remember to keep trying and we're all here to help you. It's so hard when nobody understands what we're going through; I feel so alone and I just want my life back!!! As long as we keep fighting there is hope. Please don't give up!!!!{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}
  3. seaview

    seaview New Member

    Since I don't know you or your personality I am going to be very gentle when I tell you what I think. Now, we ALL have our days when the pain and fatigue seem to be such a never ending cycle. I also know that doctors can and will disappoint us concerning our medical conditions. Now, If you are just needing to vent then that is fine,but, if you are really contemplating taking your life then you must call a help line. The number for one is in your phone book or just call 411 and they will get you connected. Depression is real and not just a passing feeling. IF YOU are feeling that desperate you must call someone who is trained to help when people get to the point of wanting to take their lives. As much as we can encourage you and give you words of hope you also put us in a place of feeling helpless because we are all, in a sense ,still anonymous to each other. Shazzy, I understand the frustration of this DD and of doctors just ignoring what we say, and on top of that I have 5 children to raise. Yes, I know what it feels like to wake up and the first thing that you feel is pain all over and you just want to sleep. I feel that many mornings but I hobble out of bed,take a shower and get on with my day. Living is the only option! The other thing I want you to know is that you must take responsibility for your health. What I mean by that is that you have to do all the searching you can,ask all the questions you need(this is a good place to do that),pray for strenghth each day, and be proactive in finding what will work best for you. That is one thing I have learned here is that we are all different and we all respond to meds and supplements differently. I have chosen to try the guai, get as much sleep as I can,(yesterday I crashed out and slept 2 hours),try to stay as positive as I can,give my body good fuel,and not feel guilty that I am not the woman or mother I so much want to be. Grieving is a proces and if you are at that place of needing to accept the new person you are...pain and all then grieve you must.You are a valuable person Shazzy....I do not believe that God makes mistakes when he creates each of us.
    So my dear one, please seek the professional help if you need to and DO NOT be embarrassed to.Start thinking of the things that you are thankful for and make a choice to do all you can to get better. I wish I had a magic answer for you but since I have been living in pain for 22 years myself I can only say that we must choose to be survivors and not victims from this DD. Please keep coming here and asking questions about what works for others and vent if you need to but please dont talk about taking your life....it leaves us feeling so powerless to help you dear one. Please call a suicide help line....There is nothing to be embarrassed about .....we have all dealt with those feelings at times. This is a very hard road we are on but we will help each other along the way. I send my prayers to you and hope that you read this letter in the spirit of love and compassion that it is written in.....Gentle hugs, Kathleen
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    And find that center of strength; it's still there. Use that to get your docs to change your meds and re-evaluate what you need. Unfortunately, things won't change by themselves and you must take action to effect some changes. Good luck.

    Love, Mikie