Can't sleep with my husband

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FaithHopeCure, Jun 26, 2012.

  1. FaithHopeCure

    FaithHopeCure New Member

    I have been doing very well without taking sleeping meds. But, my husband and I have not slept in the same bed for about 4 years because of my terrible insomnia He goes to bed really late at night and would wake me up when coming into the room. I wake up so easily even if someone is tip toeing into the room. He comes to bed late (between 1:00 - 2:00 am) and gets up later in the morning for work. I am not able to sleep in at all. I am up when th sun is up. So I told him to stay in the other room.

    Recently, he has said that the other room makes his sinus issues worse. So he has been coming to our room. He says he has been sleeping so much better and misses us sleeping together. I, on the other hand, can't sleep at all! He breathes heavy and keeps me awake. I have cleaned all the bedding and put an allergy cover on the mattress and he still says the other room makes his sinus issues bad.

    This makes him and me so sad because we are only 45 years old and have to use separate rooms because of my insomnia. I have tried so many times but I just can't have anything waking me up because it takes me so long to get back to sleep. He has tried to go to bed earlier with me but for some reason I can't fall asleep. I just do better when I have the room to myself to fall asleep.

    I have had to use 5 mg of ambian the last two nights and the ambian has brought back my headaches and terrible neck pain. I am going to sleep in the other room tonight and I am not using ambian!

    I am so sad right now.... :(

  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    Have him try those breathe right strips....maybe it will help keep his nasal passages open.

    I refuse to take ambien or tylenol PM anymore. 5 HTP, melatonin and the Peaceful Nights seems to be helping me, but then I have my own bedroom....even the cats aren't allowed in. My husband has the bedroom down the hall. Also perhaps you could try a walkman with ear phones, playing soothing music or waves crashing or something to help you. Also......if I wake up in the early morning I use the silcone ear plugs so the neighbor's dog doesn't wake me up.
  3. FaithHopeCure

    FaithHopeCure New Member

    I have tried ear plugs but they seem to amplify my tinnitus. He has used the breathe right srips which have helped when his sinus starts to flare up. For me, it has a lot to do with my insomnia because when I am restless I move around trying to get comfortable therefore I am afraid to wake him up with my restlessness.

    Music keeps me awake. Maybe I should try a relaxation cd or something. That way when I wake up I can hit the button and hopefully fall back asleep more quickly.

    Does anyone know of a good relaxation cd?

    I really do want to try sleeping with my hubby again!
  4. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    My DH is a trucker, driving some of the worst roads in the US (watch Ice Road Truckers on Sunday, you'll see what I mean!). He is in bed every night at 9 and gets up at 3:30. His cat sleeps next to him, who just happens to be madly in love with MY cat (both are spayed/neutered). Going to bed at 9 with Rip Van Winkle and the Puddy Patrol is about as appealing as a lollipop coated in kitty litter. I'm the insomniac. I like to read in bed, but he complains that my Kindle keeps him awake and he HAS to sleep (this coming from a guy who could fall asleep between floors on an elevator). So I sleep when he gets up. Then I get up and go about the day.

    I don't think there is a single thing wrong with sleeping separately as long as you have quality time when you're awake. We eat together, watch TV and movies together and our weekends are spent doing stuff we love to do together. I am a much happier person when I have had sleep, and I think that can be said for just about anyone. Separate rooms doesn't mean separate hearts! It just means I want to be at my best for him! No sleep means I am putting myself at risk with other health issues, and he as well. I write post-it notes and stuff them in his lunch, stick them on the bathroom mirror or on his driver's log. And make a big dinner for him on Sundays. Just little stuff to let him know I miss him. Coming up on our 31st anniversary in October. Love will always find a way!

    Soft hugs,
  5. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    "Rip Van Winkle and the Puddy Patrol" tooooo funny!

    I could always sleep, no matter where or when. Then about l6 to l8 years ago I developed sleep problems and these "strange pains" and fatigue (didn't know what it was then) so I wish I knew how insomnia happens. The doctor I saw at the time said to just take a benedryl, but that didn't work.

    Anybody ever watch that movie with Al Pacino.....can't remember the title.....but he CAN'T sleep. I thought at the time....that's strange why couldn't he just fall asleep. Now I understand and it's pure torture when you're so tired and can't fall asleep. Come to think of it, that IS a form of torture for political prisoners.
  6. FaithHopeCure

    FaithHopeCure New Member

    Your kind words made my eyes water with laugher! Yep, going on 18 years of marriage so this is just a little bump in the road.

    Stacey, thx for the tips. Good to know that their are others who can keep the love going strong while struggling with health and insomnia issues. You are so right when you say that good sleep is so important for health and mood. My fibro issues get so much worse when I don't sleep well.

    My insomnia started when I had a complete surgical hysterectomy and was forced into a crazy menopause. Things are better now but I know my limits!
  7. Hi dear fibro friend. Let me start by saying that I have had fibro forever and at 57, I am doing pretty well. Sleep, always an issue, can be tamed. Part of that is taming the idea that you will never sleep. Have confidence that you will. I'd like to share with you that bedtime does not equal sleep time all the time.
    You have addressed a couple of "feelings" issues that you need to address: your fear of not sleeping, and his pain in missing his bed partner. It is so good that he is honest with you about that.
    Here has been the best help for me, now YEARS sleeping with hubby again:
    Every tension release you can come up with. Tension is the enemy.
    Daily meditation in a comfortable position.
    Reduce stress on the body to a manageable level. if you have to give up a full-time job, then so be it. If you need help with chores, ditto. Your body needs rest. I tell myself I can do anything 15 minutes at a time. It's amazing what gets done, without pain.
    Warm water therapy, with gentle exercise. Your body needs stretching and exercise. I have found chair yoga wonderful for this. I can not tolerate much floor exercise, but this has been wonderful.
    Now, to get back to bed with hubby, you need to address your intimacy and sexuality as positives in your life, as this man really wants to lie with you- how lovely! A good feeling of intimacy and a good sex life is key to your relaxation and relieving the tension in your body and in your marriage. As I said, tension is the enemy. If he misses you in bed, thank God! A good idea is to plan time in bed together for intimacy that is NOT YOUR SLEEP TIME. Go to bed together and hold each other. Any more that you too you wish to do is between the 2 of you. If you do this a bit each day, he will probably not feel as banished at sleep time and I hope it will send him the clear message that you are not trying to avoid him and that you miss him too. You might spend this time in each of the 2 bedrooms, so that he will feel good going into that other bed feeling your presence, with a smile on his very loved face. Please let me know if this helps you.
    And the other thing that helps with fibro: look for someone with a bigger problem in life and help them.
    Best wishes.
  8. kbak

    kbak Member

    I think having separate bedrooms is an unfortunate nessesity for many of us. I think you can be sympathtic toward your husbands feeling of loss, while explaining your need for a good nights sleep in order not to get sicker. Maybe schedule togeather time in bed but sleep separately.

    Take Care,
  9. teena1

    teena1 New Member

    Hi i have Fibromyalgia for 20 yrs now, I am a 47 year old female. I have to sleep alone, any light, noise, wakes me up, it takes me at least 30 min to get back to sleep each time, so my husband sleeps in the basement bedroom and im upstairs. He snores very loud and getting worse all the time. If i dont get my sleep i live with even more pain. Im just wondering if you have tried Melantonin to help you sleep, at least its a natural supplement... It helps me...takecare,
    I actually dont mind my bedroom and sheets smelling like

  10. FaithHopeCure

    FaithHopeCure New Member

    Good to know there are more ladies that struggle with this. I still struggle with sleep and currently going through another rough period of waking up every 1 and 1/2 hours. I do take my nightly supplements - melatonin and GABA, 5htp. I need to get back to light excersing again and stretching which always improves things. Yes I will do that for sure.

    My husband and I are working on the cuddling and being intimate with each other more often. He struggles with ME/CFS and depression so it all depends how well he is feeling. Most importantly we are there for each other through all the ups and downs of my fibro and his CFS.

    I work part time and have accepted that I can't do as much as I used to. I am learning to accept that my husband can't do as much either. Luckily my in laws help us out with our medical bills. So I try to look at the positive things in our marriage.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/16/2012]
  11. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Jam- insomnia, sleep issues - a MAJOR part of Fibro. As a matter of fact, it is one of the first questions asked upon diagnosis, since unrefreshing sleep is one of the main symptoms.

    I wake up SO easily as well. My husband can barely move and I wake up and then that's it. It's over....

    I agree, the awake time together is more important, If you miss the cuddling part, do that, then whoever moves to the other room, can get up and move.
  12. Jittle

    Jittle Member

    I am only 37, married just 10 years and we sleep in different rooms. I take over the counter sleep pills, plus a sinus med that makes you tired, and I STILL WAKE UP. ( I am on a new pattern of waking up every night at 5am now, but that is another story). Since I became sick we don't sleep together. About a year ago I did feel a little loss from my husband. We started a new routine where he tucks me in ( of course it has to be cute and cuudley) and since then I fall asleep fast, and it has brought us closer together.He has been a great sport about it, and now it is so routine he makes sure he does it even if he is exhausted.

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