Can't Work and Frustrated (vent)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TeaBisqit, Sep 11, 2002.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I guess I just need to vent alittle. My house is being foreclosed this year and it's just killing me. I am not well enough to work and what I get on SSI doesn't cover even half the bills, more like maybe a tiny sliver. I think what bugs me the most is that I have a college degree, I have skills, I am capable of earning money, if only I were well enough to work. The last time I tried to work, one full weekend of work landed me in the bed for three months and I was so sick and weak that I almost couldn't speak, like it was hard for me to get the words out because I was so weak. And what was really scary was that I had thought I was well enough to work that weekend. I really believed I could do it. This illness is so deceptive like that, sometimes you think you are better than you really are. Most of the time, I really don't dwell on the illness, but tonight I just broke down and cried out of the sheer frustration. It won't go away. And no matter what I do or try, it's always there. Lately, I have just felt worse and worse. Most of the time now, if I am out in a store, I feel like I am going to collapse. It's a really scary feeling. I think some of it could be the stress of losing the house, but I also think it's just the illness. And losing my home because I can't work, that just really sux. I won't be homeless, I live with my mother who is also on disability for her own health problems. Between the two of us, we will be able to at least rent something. But the whole thing is just so upsetting. And now I have to spend months packing because I don't have the energy to pack all at once. Someone else just posted on here about the lack of sympathy from relatives. I have the same thing. I have tons of relatives who have alot of money, we're talking going to the Hamptons for the weekend money. They don't give a damn that I'm sick and can't work and not one of them will help us. And in spite of the fact that there has been more press coverage of the illness over the years, my relatives still refuse to believe that this illness is a physical disease. They insist that it's mental. No amount of talking or giving them video tapes from the CFIDS Association has changed their minds. So basically, I have lost just about any family I've had over this illness. I don't like to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm not the type to throw a self pity party. But today, I'm just frustrated and very sad and I really wish I was well enough to work.

    TeaBisqit
  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I guess I just need to vent alittle. My house is being foreclosed this year and it's just killing me. I am not well enough to work and what I get on SSI doesn't cover even half the bills, more like maybe a tiny sliver. I think what bugs me the most is that I have a college degree, I have skills, I am capable of earning money, if only I were well enough to work. The last time I tried to work, one full weekend of work landed me in the bed for three months and I was so sick and weak that I almost couldn't speak, like it was hard for me to get the words out because I was so weak. And what was really scary was that I had thought I was well enough to work that weekend. I really believed I could do it. This illness is so deceptive like that, sometimes you think you are better than you really are. Most of the time, I really don't dwell on the illness, but tonight I just broke down and cried out of the sheer frustration. It won't go away. And no matter what I do or try, it's always there. Lately, I have just felt worse and worse. Most of the time now, if I am out in a store, I feel like I am going to collapse. It's a really scary feeling. I think some of it could be the stress of losing the house, but I also think it's just the illness. And losing my home because I can't work, that just really sux. I won't be homeless, I live with my mother who is also on disability for her own health problems. Between the two of us, we will be able to at least rent something. But the whole thing is just so upsetting. And now I have to spend months packing because I don't have the energy to pack all at once. Someone else just posted on here about the lack of sympathy from relatives. I have the same thing. I have tons of relatives who have alot of money, we're talking going to the Hamptons for the weekend money. They don't give a damn that I'm sick and can't work and not one of them will help us. And in spite of the fact that there has been more press coverage of the illness over the years, my relatives still refuse to believe that this illness is a physical disease. They insist that it's mental. No amount of talking or giving them video tapes from the CFIDS Association has changed their minds. So basically, I have lost just about any family I've had over this illness. I don't like to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm not the type to throw a self pity party. But today, I'm just frustrated and very sad and I really wish I was well enough to work.

    TeaBisqit
  3. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, TeaBisqit:

    I felt so bad for you after reading your story. I am still managing to work full-time (half-time during the summer), but worry that I might get to the point that I will have to apply for disability (assuming I can get it-I understand it's not easy to get).

    Yes, I can relate to the unsympathetic relatives. Mine are totally clueless so I rarely speak to them about this disease. The husband is finally coming around that I have an incurable disease that makes me feel exhausted from pain and lack of sleep. He kept saying before that we just needed to find a doctor who could "fix me up". Very frustrating. One of my brothers told me I shouldn't be taking pain medication because it's not good for me. I told him until he has actually experienced the pain of fibromyalgia and endometriosis and can survive without pain medication, then I don't need to hear this kind of talk. It's certainly not supportive. I am fortunate that I do have a husband that makes pretty good money, but unfortunately not enough so I could eventually quit with or without the disability money.

    I can only imagine how awful it must be for you to be losing your house. I know that no one on this messageboard can keep you from losing your house, but I am sure you will be receiving a lot of understanding and hugs!

    Hang in there-it's okay to vent and feel sorry for yourself sometimes!

    Ellen
  4. roro

    roro New Member

    I am so sorry! This is just awful. If I go on like this I will be facing the same thing soon. I am usually feeling good, but I have been sick for about a month straight now, and I cant go on working like this. I have long term disability insurance, but it will only pay 60% of my pay, so I dont know what I'll do. I may lose my house too.
    I will pray for you.
  5. JP

    JP New Member

    So sorry to hear about your circumstances, and happy to hear that you have your mom. I too have a graduate degree and am unable to work right now. I hope it is not a permanent condition. I have two other chronic conditions in addition to FMS.

    Hang in there and know that you are not alone.

    JP
  6. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I can truly empathize with you. I have not faced the tragedy of losing my home, only because I am married and my husband is working. I also have not been able to work since last November. It has caused me not only the financial loss but loss of friends, family, and self-esteem. At times I feel totally invaluable, not contributing to anything except trying to get myself better. I have applied for SSD, LTD, early retirement due to disability, and all have denied me which adds to the stresses. Are there any state programs in your state that could possibly help you? If not you, then maybe your Mother since she is older? I know our state has a department called "Aging and Disability Services" and I was very surprised the programs that they have that helped my daughter who is 29 and disabled. I will be thinking of you and pray that things will work out for the best, I know that's not much consolation for you right now but you never know what can happen, believe in miracles, it might help.

    Dara
  7. tandy

    tandy New Member

    We all have lost alot with these DD!!!And the real kicker is- having family that just does'nt understand and really don't want too either.I have that too with some of them(some are pretty good)-but let me tell ya,the ones that have'nt a clue and are even rude about it....I don't give them the time of day anymore!One time at a family get-together,I had been having a nasty ass flare(and my Mom knew that i wasnt well at all-she's the best~)she told the little kids to "let Aunt Tracey rest,she's not feeling good"....well my not so polite sister spoke up and said"thats ok-at least what she has is'nt catchy"...and of coarse laughed at herself! If eyes could kill let me tell ya!!I looked right at her and said"no,but I believe it runs in familys!" (Wishing her just a week or two of this crud!)
    I am so sorry to hear of your home being foreclosed~
    Just know that we are all here for you!take care of yourself.
    Warm wishes,
    Tracey
  8. toniad

    toniad New Member

    I'm some of where you are too. I feel bad because all we can do is listen. It makes me angry to hear how your family treats you. I think we've probably all been confronted with at least one person who disbelieves our plight. I hope that is at least some comfort.

    All I can say is I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time, I am in a very similar boat, I understand the frustrations. I'll keep you in my prayers and am sending happy thoughts.

    Well wishes!
    Tonia D.
  9. Candee

    Candee New Member

    I can really relate to what you have said--I quit a job I loved over a month ago working the very last possible day I could with this DD and then b/c I didn't give any notice it made me look bad. My self esteem is down the toilet and none of my relatives or hubby understands at all---thinks it's a combo of lazy or "all in my head!" It kills me to be thought of that way!!! I hate how this DD has made me lose myself and part of my sanity---if it weren't for my pets I'd be totally lost. It's hard to believe that something like this can devastate good people. I too want to work and make $ for myself but have to rely on my hubby and I feel so inferior b/c he works two jobs. I am so sorry about your house---if it wasn't for my husband I 'd probably be in the mission or a psyche ward somewhere. Much love to you, Candee
  10. selma

    selma New Member

    You have not lost anyone important. If you choose to loose your self-esteem. It is a choice. Most of us have lost a way of life and jobs. We all wish we could work.
    I have a degree in counseling and am an R.N.. Today I thought that maybe I could work part time, BUT MY body said No! It was the first time in a while that I THOUGHT
    that I could work, even for a short time. It's been
    SEVENTEEN YEARS. Others have been able to go back to work, so I know that maybe someday I will too. I have HOPE. And, I have hope and pray for you. I hppe that even thinking about people that don't understand will not hurt you. My son and daughter didn't believe for almost all this time and are finally recognizing that Yes I have this DD. I really could use the money to help my son who was going to loose his house. It's a long story. We were able to help him a little. So for a short while he and family have a place to stay.
    The only thing that I can offer to you are my prayers
    and friendship. Take as good care of yourself as you can.

    Love and hugs, Selma
  11. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    TeaBisqit, to hear such sad news. My heart sincerely goes out to you.

    I am so glad to hear you have your Mom, that is a blessing for sure.

    Like someone else said, if it were not for my husband, I would probably have to live with one of my children, and that is not a good thought for me. I so love my independance and privacy.

    I have no family left except my three kids and two grandchildren. So my choices would be very limited.

    I have also been refused for DDS and SS! The goverment is a hard taskmaster, bad as some doctors.

    You take care, and as hard as it sounds, try to keep the stress down, it only makes our illness worst. You come here and vent all you want.Getting it out is a whole lot better than keeping it all in your heart and mind.
    It relieves the tension for us.

    I will keep you in my prayers, as that is my biggest help in times of real need, all else is so unimportant sometimes.

    Blessings going your way.

    Shalom, Shirl