Cargiver to my mother

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by tomas08, Aug 30, 2004.

  1. tomas08

    tomas08 New Member

    My mother has terminal lung cancer. I live with her and an aide. I do everything the aide does except bath my mother. My mom gets around ok with help and she does not appriciate me. She even wants me to pay for her gas in her car that i use for ALL her errands.

    Just needed to blow off steam.. I also have 4 sibling who live within and hours drive who visit her once a month...some of the 1 every 2 months but they are power of attorneys of her....this is the third time i came from out of state to get her back to health but she does not show any sign of gratitude
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I also have a mother who does not appreciate what I have done for her. I have a brother who lives 2 hrs away, but I have the been the main person to take care of everything through her illness and aging issues.

    I have come to realize she will never appreciate me. She is so nice to everyone else. Most of her life, she has been pretty self centered.

    Just wondering, since she has an aide, and gets around ok, are you sure you need to stay there? It sounds like you have made a huge sacrifice coming from another state to help her. That is ridiculous to complain about the gas used for her errands.

    If you want to be close, you could get your own place and visit often. I know what it is like to give up years to someone who is has no idea your sacrifice, and will keep taking more, with no appreciation or consideration. I do not regret what I had to do, but I understand.

    It sounds like your siblings need to help out. Have you talked to them?

  3. tomas08

    tomas08 New Member

    My mother is a terminal lung cancer patient and I had wanted to be here for her. My siblings are useless. I am going to leave once I get some funds I am waiting for.

    It seems that those who sacrafice and give the most are usually treated badly. I love my mother but her actions towards me are making me very sad and depressed. I actually came here 3 times form out of state and each time she is overly drugged. I have painted her house and do everything and she is very petty at times.

    Thanks for your suportive words and sharing your situation. I hope things go better for both of us.
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I am sorry your mom is terminal. I know that is hard to face. You are so kind to look after of her. You will always have the comfort that you did all you could to help, even if she does not show appreciation.

    My mother is age 89, currently living in assisted living facility. I found the place for her a couple of years ago and she loves it there. Remarkably, she is so nice (and polite) to the staff.

    It is very funny to hear her be so considerate with others. She says "thanks honey", on and everyone else.

    (I am smiling) - with me it is always - I need this, and I need that.... never even thanks me for gifts, or anything I do. In fact I overheard her once tell my aunt she does not believe in saying thank you. Well, I know that is true as far as I go. Even growing up she was like that.

    I wish you the best, I always believe whatever good we do, comes back tenfold. Your mom may think many good things about you, but is not the type who is able to express it. How could she not think you are great?

    It would be so good to hear - thank you, I appreciate you, you are wonderful, I am proud of you, you did a good job, I am blessed to have you, - just think how you would feel.

    Hope you have a wonderful day...

  5. tomas08

    tomas08 New Member

    Sounds like you know the score so to speak! I will thank you for being so good to your mom. It is amazing how they thank strangers more then their own family...let alone a family member care giver!
    God bless you and thanks for making me feel good