I always fall asleep when I'm watching TV in bed. Now I know all the rules of "sleep hygiene" (boy who coined THAT phrase) and that the bedroom is to be used for two activities.....sleep and sex. Well I'm a 48 year old divorced woman with FM so it is safe to say NEITHER of those things ever go on in my bedroom! I sleep in about 2 hour stretches - 3 if I'm lucky, 4 if I can score a 'klon' from my office mate at work. During one of my wakeful moments last night, I started surfing the channels. I have dish TV with probably 6532 channels and at 2 am, NOTHING is on. So as I'm flipping the clicker, big as life pops up 150 year old Jack LaLanne and his 25 year old wife touting their Power Juicer. Hmmmmmm, this could be cool. I've read about the benefits of juicing and Lord knows I can use all the help I can get. I mean, look at Jack.....that alone speaks volumes. It is also a very soothing commercial and before I know it I'm back in La-La-LaLanne land........ Shortly after that (or so I thought), I awoke with my usual start to groggily hear them STILL talking about the Power Juicer. Wow, this must be one long infomercial. I rolled over and 20" away from my face was something called The Power Juicer but it sure wasn't what Jack was selling. Somewhere between dozing off and awaking with a start, the Jack LaLanne Power Juicer show had segued into the "Shop Erotic" channel. Holy Moly, would ya LOOK at that thing. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or hit record on the DVR to show it to someone, anyone. I'm no prude. I was married. I had a great long term relationship with a fun guy. I had a wonderful 6 month cyber-fling with a married aussie. Ok, so it isn't Debbie Does Dallas, but hey, I AM 48......and I have never in all my life seen anything like "The Power Juicer". I am embarrassed to admit I still don't know what you are supposed to do with it. It looked so, so, so foreboding. I was transfixed. These two very good looking women (one Asian, one blonde, of course) were enthusiastically extolling the virtues of this item. It was as if they were selling a Mixmaster. "And if you buy NOW they'll include the accessories free. Accessories? What the heck do THEY do"? I knew I should turn the channel. It wasn't that I was offended, but with no man in my life, watching could get dangerous. But I was enthralled, it was drawing me in. I had no IDEA that there was this huge variety of, um, well, um, you know. But by the numbers spinning by in every increasing increment, this must be a lucrative business. Item after item these sweet young things sold with a straight face. I was cracking up with each successive piece. This was funnier than the George Carlin tribute on HBO that kept my mind on anything but my inability to sleep a few nights in a row. Everything was on sale, at LEAST $20.00 off. And there were two numbers to call if you wanted to order - a men's number and a women's number. I haven't figured that one out unless the ordering process included something "a bit extra". It was the normality of it that was so hilarious. As if selling artificial body parts of men and women on TV was the most natural business in the world. How many times did these two women crack up themselves off air? What about the men and women in production? The camera people? Was it so erotic that they had a "release room"? Do you get an employee discount? You know, as a perk for working there. Can you imagine the office Christmas party? I knew I had to turn the channel or I would be up for days learning about implements that well, I didn't think I would have a use for. Sleep was now a thing of the past and I knew my time would be better spent watching "Welcome Back Kotter" or "House of Mouse". Jack LaLanne where are you?